HE TOLD SOMEONE IRL

Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by Queenie%Bee, Jul 18, 2019.

  1. Pictures? ... of the fish!!
     
    kropo82 likes this.
  2. Queenie%Bee

    Queenie%Bee Fapstronaut

    1,146
    1,867
    143
    I don’t know why it won’t let me !!!
     
  3. I always just upload my picture to here -- https://imgbb.com/ .. then I choose the "BBCode full linked" .. and copy and paste that into to NoFap comment box.
     
    kropo82 and Deleted Account like this.
  4. The PA loves his wife/partner .. and if he is like me--20 years of hidden PM'ing and other betrayal as well--it will certainly take a lifetime to make up for all the damage I have caused my wife.
     
  5. Yes I did...but given this list:
    1. 20 years of hidden PM'ing, the secrets and lies
    2. multiple DDay's over the years, where I never sought out help from others
    3. the one night stand on a business trip, 18 years ago

    Do you think #3 is the main reason why my wife can never trust me again?

    ..

    It certainly is a combination of all three .. but don't think for a second that #3 is _THE ONLY_ reason trust can never be given again.
     
  6. Lostneverland

    Lostneverland Fapstronaut

    433
    553
    93
    Alrighty then...wow...QnB good job. Augustine I’m surprised by your lack of understanding. Surely you understand the Importance of non judgement. Being in a relationship with someone who consistently lies and betrays you is mind blowing. The behaviour not only damages your sense of self worth, but it destroys any type of love.
    Go easy on the spouses , we are dealing with emotions and a situation that is mind blowing and numbing.
     
    alphazingersalsa likes this.
  7. Queenie%Bee

    Queenie%Bee Fapstronaut

    1,146
    1,867
    143
    EXACTLY this . Funny how most SO when asked , if they’d choose ONLY 1 one night stand with disclosure as opposed to decades of DDAYS and lies would prefer the former . I mean None of it “ preferred “ but FFS , with this addiction it FEELS like it will never end .
     
  8. Lostneverland

    Lostneverland Fapstronaut

    433
    553
    93
    There are no solutions for us except self care and letting go with love for our PA.
    This journey for the spouses is something we didn’t sign up for. Our spouses betrayed us deeply on every single level. AND...I mean every single level. Our reality has been a lie.
    Through neglect, love withdrawal , and complete and total disconnection due to porn addiction , us spouses, some of us anyway , have become the shell of a person we use to be.
    My spouse was always happy, willing to help, and kind. Although emotionally distant , I always made excuses for his withdrawal. It wasn’t until he messed up his mind so much with porn he didn’t know if he was coming or going.
    Then the first D-Day...my world shattered, like dropping a rock on a mirror, I fell apart into a million little bitty pieces.
    Us women are a strong set of warriors...put us in uniform, and we could topple the porn industry ;)
    We vent, we long for comrades , people who understand us. This forum does just that.
    We stand true, strong and united in the sunlight, broad daylight...do the PA’s do that??? NOPE ...they slink away into a dark corner and self satisfy. If everything they are doing is up and above board...why aren’t they honest about it. I swear , they have to be addicted to the rush of sneaking, like a little kid stealing.
    QnB’s husband should have come to her...triangulation doesn’t work, that’s just another form of manipulation.
    Quiet frankly...his behaviour unacceptable.
    Just my opinion.
     
    TryingHard2Change likes this.
  9. Where is this anger coming from Augustin? I'm having a hard time understanding why you are so defensive with the SOs. We are trying just like the PAs are...
     
  10. Queenie%Bee

    Queenie%Bee Fapstronaut

    1,146
    1,867
    143
    I’m perfectly capable having rational conversation. But it just stinks that all that was heard was that there is no “ US”
    I am happy for HIM . Putting myself to the side . The importance of an addict even telling one person out loud is HUGE .

    As for your direct question of when can an SO let it go . That’s hard because I thought for sure if I EVER found another laptop I would leave . I didn’t , that was 16’ . I’ve since found another on 6/21 , he lied for 6 months , not omitting , flat out out loud to my face , looked me IN THE EYES , during FANOS , a very INTIMATE tool in recovery and LIED . Took That laptop . I Went on a trip got back found a receipt for another laptop 6/29 . All while minimizing and blaming . So for ME , personally I hope you understand why I can not stay with this man . BUT ITS TOTALLY OK IF YOU CANT AND DONT . Sure I have kids , that’s not what made it complicated for me , and I was independently wealthy so that wasn’t an issue at the time . It was that quite simply put I was madly in love with him . I still am , more like maddeningly at this point . However if he can’t be a mirror to me , give what I give to our relationship, loyal AF , honest AF , transparent , then I’m done . And at this point I truly believe the damage is done . I can’t picture inviting that back into my life . What I/WE go through is so mentally and physically draining and god does it age us lol
     
  11. Lostneverland

    Lostneverland Fapstronaut

    433
    553
    93
    It doesn’t imply anything of the sort . Detaching with love is simply putting boundaries in place for self protection. She can do whatever feels right for her...it’s her life. Further to this I can only speak for myself.
    I love my PA... am I up for a life long game of cat and mouse or porn and wife...I think not. So I detach with love...he can do what he chooses for he will pay the consequences. I simply have to take care of me, and let him dig his own grave.
    As for QnB not responding, it probably has nothing to do with you. She more than likely busy taking care of her own needs instead of being consumed with your thoughts and ideas.
    ( I think you just want a challenge)
     
    Numb and EyesWideOpen like this.
  12. Queenie%Bee

    Queenie%Bee Fapstronaut

    1,146
    1,867
    143
    FOR THE RECORD , HE SHUT ME OUT . NO VERBAL CONTACT FOR A MONTH . He’s IN it right now . Protecting his P instead of me . As of right now I could call him a “part” of me , not necessarily a “ partner “
     
  13. Queenie%Bee

    Queenie%Bee Fapstronaut

    1,146
    1,867
    143
    I try to lead with grace . Even though I say F a lot lol . Im on here to give myself good bad and ugly , even if just to give insight or support to an SO / PA , something. Some take it with appreciation because they are in recovery, maybe already losing their spouse . Others , if not here for no PMO , not to learn from EVERYONE on here , I just don’t get why they are here , ESPECIALLY IN THE PARTNER SUPPORT SECTION OF REBOOTING IN A RELATIONSHIP. ♥️♥️♥️♥️
     
    Numb, hope4healing and Lostneverland like this.
  14. Queenie%Bee

    Queenie%Bee Fapstronaut

    1,146
    1,867
    143
    My kids played a smaller roll in it than myself .
    Of course he will be in my future . Not in the way you think . My boys are 17,21 . I don’t know WHAT it’s going to look like , I’m no fortune teller . If I was I would have seen the lies coming . I DID NOT , until I did . Intuition .
     
  15. Fair enough. Where's the curiosity coming from?
     
  16. Queenie%Bee

    Queenie%Bee Fapstronaut

    1,146
    1,867
    143
    Ok , but are you listening , learning . That is HUGELY important on NOFAP . Take a look at the sub forum you are in . I’m not going to get rude , mean , if you actually are here to listen , learn , empathize .
    If you are a TROLL , which there is a lot on nofap then you will see my grace recede and get my stinger . I’m not saying you are . Maybe answer ONE of the questions I asked , it’s only fair right ? I’ve answered deeply to your questions.
     
    Numb and kropo82 like this.
  17. Queenie%Bee

    Queenie%Bee Fapstronaut

    1,146
    1,867
    143
    No and no . He was not withdrawn. I was 18 he 23 . I think it was the word “ harsh “ that quite frankly got me defensive . Change your tone in any of the questions you’ve asked and your answers would have been a heck of a lot more open and not defensive TBH . It’s NOT the PA themselves that make it hard to leave . They are still loving husbands , fathers , friends . In my relationship I know my part , fueled the flame if you must . I was able to separate the man from the addiction, most can , UNTIL . I told you my “ UNTIL “ everyone’s is different.
     
    Numb likes this.
  18. Queenie%Bee

    Queenie%Bee Fapstronaut

    1,146
    1,867
    143
    I respect your opinion . I respect that you are in my tribe lol
    Everything you wrote about our tribe was fact. Had I not found this site in 17’ right before my 1 year anniversary of the BIGGEST D-DAY ever , I WOULD HAVE LEFT THEN . I’m stronger for it , for the next part of this twisted fucked up journey , whatever that will be . I know I’m not walking it alone .
     
    Lostneverland likes this.
  19. I am not annoyed by you ... but yes, you are extremely annoying -- and starting to become a bit creepy IMO.

    Why? Because I sense no genuine care for the hurting SO's...and this last comment -- shines a light on your apparent selfishness: "PA's have something that makes their partners unable to leave them. I still have to find out what that is."

    WTFO?

    Those two sentences alone speak volumes about where your head and your heart is at.

    ..

    Try being more compassionate and more empathetic about what these SO's have suffered through .. instead of wondering what magical draw/attraction SO's have for their pain-inducing PA's --- and desiring that.
     
  20. Wow...ignore confrontation much?
     
    Numb and EyesWideOpen like this.
  21. Queenie%Bee

    Queenie%Bee Fapstronaut

    1,146
    1,867
    143
    I’ve never failed communication of any kind with him , he literally while in the P can not communicate like an adult . Good on you for not being a PA and not betraying someone’s trust . But just be careful condemning anyone here , practice grace . So many ppl on here are struggling and deserve respect as humans
     

Share This Page