I appreciate the reply. What you're saying is true. Today, I was actually finally able to admit I was angry with God for not intervening more with what I went through, and that I trusted him less for it. My general trust in God is un-shaken, but my trust in Him to do miracles or actively move things out of my has severely diminished. In some ways that is probably healthy. Being originally raised in a hyper-charismatic church I still deal with these ideas that God is going to be heavily active in my life and intervene frequently, even though scripture shows us a different approach. The Holy Spirit is our comforter after all, not our candy machine. He did provide me with the grace necesssary to persevere through tough times and I have greatly matured each time. Maybe, this is no different. Maybe,what I really need is to mature in several ways so I don't fall into the trap of PMO any longer.
If you have eyes to see it, you will find he IS actively intervening in your life on a moment-by-moment basis. We are unable to draw a single breath apart from his provision and goodness.
Day 2 - Smooth sailing so far. I watched a long form episode of the that Neuro Scientist and Jordan Peterson. It really gave me quite a bit of insight. I implemented some of the general principles today and it worked. I'm pretty excited to see if this helps on my journal to freedom and health.
Welcome to this forum and welcome to the path. With Christ leading the way, we can all follow, shoulder to shoulder and helping each other to stay the course.
My parents always said that God did everything and solved everything. But reality did not match up with what they said. But, later in life I have discovered that God's promises do come true for those who are dedicated to the end. After a lot of miss-steps I understand that God is quite active if we are exactly in His will. But usually, I wasn't.
Day 3 - Feeling light on the inside today. Been a pretty good one. My mind and my heart were definitely clearer today.
Welcome to the human race. We have all been guilty of this and no doubt we will make that mistake again. Thank God for the glimpses of the bigger picture that He grants us from time to time. Clearly, He has given you a wonderful glimpse of your life and a way forward. Pray for more of it and well done in recognizing it!
Day 4 - I noticed some changes today. I typically pick my daughter up from school every Wednesday and we have a little Daddy-Daughter afternoon. Today, we went to lunch at a usual place, went to the park, and then the library. All in all, a pretty typical afternoon. However, I noticed that I was able to be more present than normal and I enjoyed myself more. This could just be circumstantial, but I was definitely more "in the moment" today when spending time with her.
Yes! Fantastic! You are receiving a taste of the massive feast of freedom from this sin that awaits you. Savor these moments and commit the feelings to memory. When you are tempted to fall, recall the sweet taste of freedom and use that to motivate you to remain free. Add this wonderful weapon to your arsenal. I have committed moments like this to memory. One that is particularly sweet for me is to recall the peace I feel when I am in church, in blessed adoration, silently kneeling before God. No longer must I feel the shame of this sin on my shoulders when I kneel before the body of Christ. Freedom! Incredible, freedom from an ugly barrier I erected between Jesus and myself.
I have very similar memories from my 20's.....those were a big driver to why I'm even on this path. Those memories just wouldn't let me forget that something about what I was doing just wasn't right. Until recently, I never considered how my actions might be impacting my bond with my daughter. How they were making me numb to everyday life.
The choice to sin is often a purely selfish one. I suppose the more often we focus on ourselves, the less capable we are for focusing on others and yet making other people happy is a sure way to make ourselves happy. How silly we are for failing to recognize this but I am guilty of doing it so often!
Day 8 done. A few struggles here and there but nothing as intense as the first go around just yet. Still a struggle seeing young women walking around in skimpy/show everything levels of tight clothing. My brain isn't convinced this is worth it but still persevering.
When you seek to be free from sin, you are seeking a new lifestyle. In fact, you are seeking to become a new person focused on feeling the full joy and comfort of God's love while requiting it by doing His will. There will be periods when you miss your old lifestyle, no matter how unfulfilling and detrimental it was. This is normal and quite frankly just another trick in the bag of deceptions the enemy uses. In order to combat this, think about the contrast between God's ways and those of the devil. God loves you in a way far beyond conditional human love. He sees us as prophets, priests and kings. He wants your soul to return home where it will be loved and cherished. His ways are love, mercy, peace and joy. Now consider the devil's ways. He makes false promises to you about sex and PMO. He entices us with superficial and artificial persons with the promise of pleasure that ends quickly leaving us in shame and unhappy complex entanglements.
Yeah, so often people believe that being or becoming a Christian simply means you stop sinning and no longer have to worry about it. My experience has always been quite the opposite. Turning to God is a continual thing where His grace is applied consistently over time in a manner that changes me slowly, rather than instantly. As much as I want to be instantly over these sinful patterns I've established in my life and quickly free of the consequences, my greatest growth always comes from the slow rewiring of my brain and refreshing of my soul. It is kind of like baking. A quick, high temperature bake is good for shallow dishes but a dish of any depth takes a slower, low temp bake. PMO has become so engrained in my flesh, it will take a long slow applying of godliness and grace for me to become fully transformed. The process may be slow but it is thorough and more fulfilling. I need to be wary of flash changes that can be easily penentrsted because there was little substance to them and the heart of it never changed. That's been my experiences with PMO so far. A short term change that was never thorough enough to withstand the test of time. I definitely feel more confident since making this commitment. There is something to be said of being able to boldly approach the thrown of God when you aren't in habitual sin that clouds your heart and mind with shame. That then emanates throughout the rest of my life.
This is very well stated and something I have been trying unsuccessfully to articulate for a long time. Before my rehabilitation, when I kneeled before God, my thoughts were clouded with shame. Today, I am not sinless, not even close but the serious sin of lust is no longer on my soul. Now, when I kneel before God, I feel a closeness, a friendship, a brotherhood. The ugly sin of lust no longer stands between God and me and together we can address other things in my heart which need improvement. However, until the sin of lust was removed, I could not allow myself to feel God's love as I do today. God did not hold me back from him but my shame held me back from God. How deeply I do not want to return to those days of loneliness.
Day 11 - Still going strong. Had a difficult urge last night but I was able to overcome. It's still tough with the revealing clothing and hyper-sexualized ads that pop up from time to time. We all know sex sells and it is hard to resist, especially so when you are being abstinent. It's like being thirsty and having people throwing Gatorades at you but choosing to remain dehydrated.
LOL. I like the Gatorade analogy. Stay strong. Every moment, every hour, every day that you resist is a demonstration of your love for God and each one is building and reinforcing good habits. The enemy will tell you that one fall, just one little one, is OK. However, he doesn't want us to consider the consequences which we know so well. A single fall is frequently the beginning of a binge that damages, perhaps destructs, the good habits you have built. A fall is not the end, because God will call you back to begin again but how much better it is not to go through the rebuilding process time and time again.
You have set yourself up a false dichotomy here. There is another option besides Gatorade or being dehydrated. There is real water to drink, which you have access to at any time. Why not choose that route instead? It is the only one that leads to undying life! John 4 “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”
Yeah, that's a good point. Seeing that counter continuously getting reset from failures along the way is very discouraging, but even when I look at since I started on here I've only failed once in almost a month. Even with with that failure my brain is still getting re-wired and my body is healing itself. I need to keep the eye on the prize and let God do His work and let this body he deigned do its work.
