I totally agree with you. Drinking of the flesh always leaves you thirsty. I've been doing it for a while now and lost the blessings of walking by the spirit in denial of the fleshly things of this world. ....I need to get off drinking the energy drinks of life and get back to drinking the sustaining water of the spirit. If anything, that is the primary reason I'm on this quest for cleanliness. When you love God, you can only stand disobedience for so long. It gnaws at you day in and day out. You never get comfortable with it, even if your body creates a pattern of it. No matter how much the world or my flesh tries to sell it to me, the spirit won't let me settle. "24Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. 25For whoever would save his lifeg will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. 26For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul? 27For the Son of Man is going to come with his angels in the glory of his Father, and then he will repay each person according to what he has done. " Galatians 5 "16 But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. 17 For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do. 18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law. 19 Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, 20 idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, 21 envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. 22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. 24 And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 If we live by the Spirit, let us also keep in step with the Spirit. 26 Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another." Galatians 6 "Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. 2 Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. 3 For if anyone thinks he is something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself. 4 But let each one test his own work, and then his reason to boast will be in himself alone and not in his neighbor. 5 For each will have to bear his own load. 6 Let the one who is taught the word share all good things with the one who teaches. 7 Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap. 8 For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life. 9 And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. 10 So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith." I want to reap life not corruption. I want to walk in alignment with the spirit and not against it. I've definitely seen that when I allow myself to walk in the flesh I begin to reap the corruption of this world and it effects everything. I also see those fruits of the Spirit begin to fade from my life. What you guys do here is a perfect example of helping carry a brother's burdens in Galatians 6. I am grateful to have a place I can talk about these things. On to day 12.
Yes, indeed. Our engines have been converted over to a better fuel. We can try to limp along on the old stuff, but it just doesn't satisfy any longer -- and it never can. The sooner we convert over to the new juice, the better we will be able to operate!
Day 14. I feel more composed today than last time I was on Day 14. Today will be 4 weeks I've been at this with only the 1 slip up. I think that's why I feel more composed. Last time I barely made 14 days. This time I feel much more in control. I don't want to get too overconfident and lose focus. I can only take this a day at a time and not get too caught up in a long term goal. Otherwise, I start to feel overwhelmed. Another big change happened yesterday when I realized I was getting too caught up in using my television to watch YouTube and other shorts. Even though I primarily use it to watch things that are informational, it was getting in the way. Also, I don't want to raise my daughter in an environment where the television is the main focal point of the living room, so I donated my large flat screen TV yesterday, got rid of my entertainment center, and re-organized the living room. I kept the small TV in front of the treadmill. If I want to watch something then I can do it while I'm exercising. There is a lot of value to be had online if you know where to look but I want to set a clear boundary that it is secondary to human connection, time with God, and quiet study/reflection. Whole health is the goal. Health in body, mind, and soul. To become healthier I must establish healthy habits. On to Day 14.
Day 14 done. Officially passed my previous mark. 14/21 day goal complete. On to Day 15. The urge was strong last night with restless sleep and being sick. I prayed and ended up pulling out my phone to a scientific journal about dopamine and epinephrine. I noticed that my heart rate hat started to pick up and I was wondering about the correlation. By reading, my mind was redirected from the urge to something else. Despite being tired and sick, it would seem that when my brain gets triggered into a behavioral pattern it wakes me up with adrelanine and floods it with dopamine. In short, it doesn't matter what is going on or what state I'm in. If an established pathway gets triggered then my brain with create a physiological change in my body that's typically reserved for high intensity scenarios. Dopamine as a motivated chemical will drive me towards an end goal by repeating previous actions that led to the pay off of MO. It would seem that the system was short circuited when I started reading literature that required brain to shift into thinking more critically. It went from what felt like an overwhelming urge to gone in a split second. I've become so accustomed to ignoring my body that I've allowed many bad habits to form. It's even the same with overeating. I've cut back my portions lately and I'm not hungry at all. I have noticed greater awareness of my body and greater self-control since I started this journey 28 days ago. It has translated to other areas of my life. I am beginning to wonder how many of the challenges I was facing in life were directly connected to this seemingly isolated behavior of PMO. Day 15.
Yes, it is extraordinary how many unwanted things stem from this addiction. However, as you continue to grow your relationship with Our Precious Lord, you will also find the ways and means tackle other unwanted behaviors. Perhaps as the brain is healed, some of the mist clears and we gain the ability to see ourselves more clearly and recognize how desperately we need God's help.
I've long believed that many of the laws/teachings of God were built around the reality of who He designed us to be. When we deviate from that we reap the consequences of a corrupted life in a real and tangible way. It would seem that PMO is no different. Day 16.
One reason I believe in the God of the Christian Bible is because his commands are absolutely practical. There is no mere rule keeping for its own sake. All he instructs is for our own good. When applied, his ways truly do lead to an abundant inner life.
I have been blessed in so many ways; not only positive things but also a few tragic ones. Through the tragedies that I did not want, but nevertheless came my way, I am reminded that God is in charge. His will, will be done. How foolish not to put all of our trust in Him. It is not our place to know the future but rather to trust that God has a plan and it will be executed, one way or another.
Day 18 finished, not much more than the occasional passing thought. I did just have something occur that is going to ramp up the stress the next couple weeks so I must remain vigilant.
21/21. Awesome. Today, I noticed that I feel more aware of the nuances of people around me and I actually respond to them. Before, it had reached the point where I noticed the nuances of people's behaviors but I either didn't care or did not have any motivation to respond to them. It's kind of like I unlocked another level of thinking before acting. I wonder if this my brain coming out of that brain fog I've I hear some people talk about? This is the longest I've gone without any slip up and over a month with only 1. I can definitely credit Journaling on here and getting support from this group in helping me get this far. New goal: 30 days. 21/30
23/30 I noticed that my eyes and my adrenaline are still going strong when I see an attractive woman in form-fitting clothing. That took some real effort to restrain when I was the park with my daughter. Noticing the female form is normal, but my lack of emotional and mental health on the matter following PMO problems seems to have heightened my sense and reaction to it. I was raised under the premise of "guard your eyes" and went in public didn't used to impact me as much. Of course, scant dress has grown more common these days. That may be connected. Either way, I want more self-control. The other key seems to be staying aware when the small trigger or urge happens. If I redirect my thoughts when I feel the slight urge then it prevents the struggle of cascading chemicals and old familiar pathways. In time, the path should become overgrown and be less inticing. "19 The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20 idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21 and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God. 22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. 26 Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other." 23/30
When you stop looking at P, your mind will look elsewhere, even to fantasize. Keep resisting and staying alert. Your doing good.
This is a very timely response. It felt like everywhere I went online yesterday there scantily clad women and hypersexualized ads. My brain tried to play the "its no big deal" card but I resisted. The urge was pretty strong and sometimes I don't know why or how I'm resisting but I did. When I was a sleep, my mind fantasized about giving in and failing. The words of some YouTuber condemning the immorality of America and how it is hypersexualized keeps floating around in the back k of my mind reminding me that it's not all my fault. My culture is pushing it at me like there's no tomorrow. It's on social media, it's in the ads, it's being talked about, it's in my schoolwork, it's at my job. Sex, sex, sex.....everywhere. even when I'm looking for the most mundane things or kid stuff something swxualized pops up. 26/30
Almost done with day 29. I've only given in to the temptation once in the last 43 days. Kind of hard to believe. In many ways it hasn't gotten much easier. Those old pathways are still wired in my brain but I'm chugging along.
I am glad you raised this point. I think it is a danger that effects all of us. "One peek, one lingering glance, just a few minutes, its no big deal, go ahead, no one will know .... " These are all rationalizing snares laid out for us by the devil. It is important that we recognize that the devil is actively working in our world and he is skilled at his work. He doesn't appear to us as a forked tailed and frightening monster. He is far smarter than that. He uses humans in forms we each find most enticing and then tells us that a little fall is no big deal. I am reminded of these two quotes from the venerable Archbishop Fulton Sheen: "Nowhere in sacred scripture do we find warrant for the popular myth of the devil as a buffoon... Rather is he described as an angel fallen from heaven, and as the "Prince of this world" whose business is to tell us that there is no other world." "Satan's greatest trick is to convince us that he doesn't exist"
