He definitely has a part to play. I am also reminded of Jeremiah 9 and Mark 7. From Mark: "21 For from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, 22 coveting, wickedness, deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride, foolishness. 23 All these evil things come from within, and they defile a person.”
30 Day goal complete. New Goal: 40 days. Day 31 almost done. Interestingly, I was going to set a goal of 45 days but my brain started to freak out so I reduced it to 40. Apparently a 15 day goal is too much.
Well, I MO'd. It wasn't triggered by anything visual. More like a built in habit just happening. Well, I completed 32 days this time. Over twice as long as the previous achievement of 14 days. Let's start over again with Day 1.
Prayer and the quality of prayer must be your focus. A human's willpower alone is simply not reliable.
Time to start over again. It would seem that I have many triggers which can cause me to PMO/MO but one thing I've noticed is that it has replaced a portion of my prayer life. I used to go to God in prayer when stressed, lonely, or feeling unsatisfied with a situation/something but I've started noticing that my brain wants to get a high instead of internal peace. I saw the same results with video games and before long you no longer get the high and are doing it just out of habit. I guess, there has even been times in my life where prayer became that way too..habitual without much return. I think the next step in the process needs to be finding a way to reactive what used to be my first response to almost everything- pray. PMO has the unique characteristics that not only does it not give the same benefits of prayer but it also creates a sense of shame, guilt, and fear that keeps me from prayer. Starting my counter over and I'm going to try and put a renewed emphasis on immediately praying when faces with the stressers and questions in life.
I know this feeling all too well. I've been in this place for a long time that it feels like my prayer is habitual and without feeling. Sometimes I go for walks, and I don't try to pray. In other words I just speak (usually out loud) knowing that God is listening (and the devil too). I talk about what I'm dealing with, what I feel, how I'm scared to talk to God, and how I don't feel like I'm worthy of his forgiveness. Eventually on my walk I feel peace, and I can turn my thoughts towards all the ways that God has blessed me. This morning I need to go for a walk. Please know that I am praying for you - honestly party because I know that any prayer I say for you, I am feeling for myself also. Dear Lord God, please surround jw2434, our fellow Christians struggling with this additiction and myself with comfort. Lord, I know that in all things there are three scenarios, a test, a lesson or an opportunity to evangelize. Please help us pass the test. Most of all Lord, show us your love so that we may love. Lead us to softening our heart for you so that we can love You more than these temporary escapes. Thank you Lord for your never ending love. Thank you for your peace. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
