Healthy relationship with porn?

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by ThereIsNoTry86, Aug 12, 2015.

  1. ThereIsNoTry86

    ThereIsNoTry86 New Fapstronaut

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    Hey guys!

    Been reading nofap for some time, but am registering to post just now.

    I recently realized I'm addicted to porn and it have affected my sex drive and my sexual performance - among all the other things.

    So, some 6 years ago, I started dating this girl. Absolutely stunning and hot. We dated for almost 4 years and had a very active and amazing sex life. And then because life is a person we broke up.
    Throughout the whole relationship, I had no problem with ED, or P or anything - except for one time when I was absolutely overworked and stressed and had performance issues, but the next week, after the crisis at work had passed, it all went back to normal. We saw each other mainly on weekends, and sometimes, not every week, not everyday, I MO'd, to P and to pics of her. I had absolutely no problem.

    4 years passed, we broke up, some 6 months passed and I went to bed with a girl and couldn't get it up. I was huuugely drunk, so I thought that was it. No biggie.
    A few months later, I went to bed with another girl. I had drunk a couple of beers, but wasn't drunk. I didn't have much trouble getting it up, but couldn't keep it. I thought I was nervous, it happens. No biggie.

    Some more months went by and I met my current girlfriend. Went to bed with her and couldn't get it up. Second time we went to bed I took pills to make sure it would work.
    We've been together for a year now. We live 200 miles apart, so we don't see each other everyday. We try to take turns visiting each other for the weekend at least every two weeks.
    When we have sex, I usually can get it up, but either I can't keep it up or I cum too fast. Thing is, I used to be proud of my "sex skills".

    A few months ago I realized that my P consumption had risen a lot the past 2 years! As I said, until 2 years ago, I had no problem with addiction, I watched P sometimes, MO'd to P, MO'd to fantasies, no problem.

    So yesterday I decided to quit PMO to increase my sex drive and get rid of this ED.
    And today I started wondering. I used to have a "healthy" relationship with porn. I don't believe P is "evil" or anything, but abusing it is; consuming it the way I have been - 2, 3 times a day, everyday - is. Do any of you guys went back to having a "healthy" relationship with P?

    OK, before you judge me, let me explain why I'm asking this. I am really against fanaticism and extremism. I believe that everything taken to it's limits is bad: I believe that P is bad if you abuse it, and I also believe that just giving it up completely and vowing to never ever consume it again might also be.

    Any thoughts on this?

    Cheers!
     
  2. crushurcravings

    crushurcravings Fapstronaut

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    Hi ThereIsNoTry86,

    Once you've established strong enough neuropathways in your brain to cause ED, you can never ever go back to artificial stimulation or your ED will return. Some guys have gone for 300+ days nofap and no artificial stimulation and cured their ED. Then they start up again maybe once or twice a week for 20 minutes and after a few months they're experiencing ED all over again. I'm pretty sure Noah Church is a good example of that.
    The only healthy relationship with porn is a non-existant one. I strongly advice you not to go there once your ED has subsided as the chances are good that you'll spin right back into the horrible ED cycle.
     
    Fallior, Headspace and Blondewife like this.
  3. Septimus

    Septimus Fapstronaut

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    Thereis:

    Just to lay my cards on the table, I believe porn is poison. I can't really see a "healthy" relationship with it. And, I admit, I believe that for moral reasons.

    Still, let me make an argument without referring to any moral or religious beliefs, and you decide whether it is persuasive.

    Porn, by it's nature, is about exciting sexual arousal, agreed? I mean, unless it's your thing, those clinical, medical-style pictures of people's body parts aren't typically seen as porn. For most people, at least, that's not a problem. So what's the difference? The difference, without going into needless detail, is that porn producers know how to show a human being -- or part of him or her -- in a way that gets your motor going. It's a practiced business. So, let's face it: a picture of someone even fully clothed can be--if done the "right" way--more "porny" than a naked picture in a medical textbook.

    So, think about what porn is: it's something designed to arouse you.

    OK, now let's ask: what is the good of arousal? What's it "for"?

    Well, I think it's pretty clear it's about bringing a man and a woman together; why? To procreate. The birds do it; the bees do it, etc. If they don't? No birds nor bees. (How same-sex arousal came about I don't know; I'm just explaining this by way of evolution.)

    Now, of course, you can USE arousal whatever way you want. So, you have a choice: you can be aroused by a picture, or an audio file, or a film, or someone in online chat, or even by a fantasy you spin in your own head. Heck, it's probably possible to train oneself to be aroused by inanimate objects. Anything can be fetishized, I suspect.

    So, what do you want to bond with? Yourself? A magazine? A fantasy? A video? A computer game? Or a living human being?

    Now, I know what you might say: I'm just going to have fun with the porn, till the real thing comes along. Understandable ambition. But is that actually how it works?

    Real human beings are far more demanding than fantasy people. In fantasy, I'm always at the center. Even if it's a fantasy of me being dominated; it's still me, me, me. The universe of fantasy revolves around whatever arouses me. THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT. And that world is a very appealing place to be.

    When the real comes along, the real won't have the wonderfully accentuated features of the porn-image. Those porn producers know just how to stage and modify the images so they have the effect they are designed to have. Although the people who pose for porn is all too real (and often facing sadness in their lives, that led them to pose for porn), the images we see aren't real. They are delicious fakes.

    When the real comes along, the real won't measure up.

    Let me offer another line of thought...

    It seems clear enough that sex -- which is at the core of pretty much everyone -- is about something very fundamental. It's about procreation, obviously (even if we don't always use it that way), and it feels good, which leads to the first purpose, again rather obviously. But it's about more than that. Sex is about love.

    Now, I pause to acknowledge, that sex doesn't HAVE to be about love; but then that's aggression and rape, and I'm assuming you don't want to be that person. So that leaves sex being about love.

    And if there's one thing we can all agree about love, is that it is about caring about, and giving to, the other. If I'm in a relationship (marriage, friendship, family) and my focus is what you give me, what you do for me, there's not much that's "loving" about that. If I love my family, my friends, my spouse, my children, or anyone else--it's ultimately about what I am prepared to do FOR them, even if it costs me.

    Love is self-giving, often to the point of great sacrifice. Can any marriage, any family, really work otherwise?

    So back to porn and masturbation. Tell me, what's loving about it? And in what way does it prepare anyone to LOVE?

    To me, porn+masturbation is the polar opposite of the sort of self-discipline, self-denial, that goes with genuine love. I don't see how it can help.
     
    Caveat Emptor and KingRecover17 like this.
  4. BBX555

    BBX555 Fapstronaut

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    You never really had a healthy relationship with porn, as your current Ed struggles show. Addiction is progressive. In the past you consumed much less and it was enough to give you some dopamine. As time has gone on, what used to satisfy you in the past cannot do the job now. So, you needed to increase and with each passing moment you needed variety, etc...So, if you serious about living healthy life, do not even fantasise about going back to a healthy relationship with porn. You never had one and you will never have one. No one judges you for your views. Everyone is here because we all want to change and be free from this addiction. Am sure you will get all the support you need as am currently receiving.
     
    Fallior likes this.
  5. Zin

    Zin Fapstronaut

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    Porn feeds into society's grooming of young girls. Porn feeds into selfish, violent, twisted male desire. Porn feeds into alienation between the sexes. Porn takes families daughters.

    Thats all I have to say on the matter. Porn is wrong.
     
    Fallior likes this.
  6. Headspace

    Headspace Fapstronaut

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    Where would you draw the line between "abuse" and "no abuse"? I guess by definition of the word you are never actually "abusing" it as you are just using it for its original purpose: To help you get off. There is no medical indication whatsoever that justifies this. If you become addicted it's your problem (but of course you will have support from this community!).

    To overcome an addiction you have to take things to the limit, otherwise you will relapse sooner or later. There is no extremism in this. It's just about yourself feeling that porn is not good for you. You're not pointing the finger at anyone.
     
  7. I feel the same way as you, and have had similar experiences. I've never felt that P has really got in the way of my sex life, but when I look back on it, although it wasn't apparent at the time, there was definitely issues. Premature O mostly. 2-3 times PMO a day has become normal for me. Now I'm thinking maybe that's not so normal, especially considering I haven't been able to hold onto a girl for more than a few months.

    I agree with you in your use vs. "abuse" assertions, however I also believe that recognizing and addressing an addictive behavior can and should be done. I'm not sure where to go from there. Alot of folks on here seem to be for religious reasons. That's not my case. Hit me up if you want.
     
  8. Fallior

    Fallior Fapstronaut

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    According to quite a few studies done about it, no, there is no such thing as a healthy relationship with porn. This way of thinking is usually what your brain does to try to find loopholes or ways around fully quitting when you are left with an ultimatum for your addiction. "Oh, but I can do it sometimes right?" "Once won't hurt me" "This time I'll be able to control it"
    Believe me, my brain has thought of it all.
     
  9. Headspace

    Headspace Fapstronaut

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    There are some religious folks here, but I have the impression that most of them are here for the same reason as everyone else.
     
  10. Booster

    Booster Fapstronaut

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    The reason for this thread is that you love it and miss it, Its the same arguments people use for sleeping with a toxic ex or having the odd cigarette or beer after addiction.
    The very fact you asked this question shows that you are still addicted to it.
     
    BlueNotes likes this.

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