Hearing our neighbor moaning makes him angry

Discussion in 'Significant Other Journals' started by Voyageusedutemps, Aug 29, 2018.

  1. Voyageusedutemps

    Voyageusedutemps Fapstronaut

    Some days ago, the weather was pretty hot, and we had to sleep with the windows opened.
    Our young neighbor was having sex and we could hear her moaning, screaming of pleasure for a very long time, and she was super loud !
    The first two times it happened, my boyfriend didn't say much, but then, it happened at 6pm when we were cooking.. and he was like "Are they fucking like twice a day or what ?" I felt that he was angry, and asked him if he wanted to talk about it.
    He said that he was feeling bad for a reason.

    He was wondering why this girl was screaming so loud and for so long, he told me that when we were making love, I was not screaming that way. I am not that kind of girl that is expressing my pleasure that way. When I fell so good and close to an orgasm, I am breathless and it's impossible for me to make a sound. He answered me that this is very weird because on porn, girls are always moaning very loud, and his ex-girlfriend was making a lot of noise too.

    I looked online and I found some research made by psychologists saying that a lot of woman are screaming during sex to encourage their partners, or to make them stop by faking an orgasm. I read some interviews and different woman said that during their first relationships, they didn't know if they were suppose to moan or not so they were doing it even if they didn't felt much because woman moan. We saw it everywhere.. movies, TV shows, porn, books...

    It was a great conversation with my boyfriend to explain that every woman are different, maybe our neighbour is really appreciate it her own way, or maybe she is faking it.. I don't know but it's not because porn star are as loud that every woman as to scream to death during sex..

    He also admit that hearing a woman appreciate sex excited him. He told me that hearing me saying " I want you to make love to me tonight" is way more exciting than if I show him my boobs..
    At that point, I realize that language, speaking is very important for him during sex.. He never told me before that.

    I am wondering if some of you think that porn can be a cause ?
  2. It's so hard to know what porn does to change our tastes in behaviour. I think it could predate porn or be something he just naturally finds arousing. It could also be induced by a certain type of porn for sure. I know for me I would be bothered by excessive or very loud moaning in my partner. For instance I always watched porn on mute, 99% of the time, even alone. Like you said everyone is different. Verbal cues can be really important though. Dirty talk and stuff like that could be appreciated by the right people, but to answer your question directly - I'm not convinced it's always the use of porn that creates a desire for it.
    hope4healing likes this.
  3. phuck-porn!

    phuck-porn! Fapstronaut

    so this may be all projection on my part, but maybe some of it is apropos. I have a few different thoughts...

    First, it is VERY stimulating to a guy when his girl is way into sex. IMO most guys are a bit insecure about this. when his girl is obviously into it, it tells the guy "I'm ok" conversely when a girl is not into it so much, the guy thinks "something is wrong with me - I don't do it for her"

    I'm not suggesting that you aren't into sex with your boyfriend. but maybe due porn or past relationships (that may or may not have been authentic) he has a fear that he isn't capable of bringing you to that place. it's likely just a nagging thing he isn't even all the way aware of in the back of his mind - but when it's blatantly in his face like that - it comes to the forefront. and like most guys, he didn't actually examine or own what he was feeling, we just get angry or snap or blame someone. and he blamed you - a dumb choice

    Second, possibly he also wants sex more often? when he commented "Are they fucking like twice a day or what ?" and then you felt he was angry - that sorta sounds like repressed anger to me. maybe he's angry about wanting sex more often??? just a wild stab on my part...

    Third, when he told you "I want you to make love to me tonight" is way more exciting than if you show him your boobs - this is another manifestation of the "I want to know my girl is into me" thing. guys really need to know this. it may seem a bit immature, but it's also super easy for you to address. go overboard with it - your guy will eat it up. it actually affects our lives broadly - when we know our woman is hot for us, we carry ourselves better, we work better, we are better mates. the easy part is it is almost impossible to go over the top with it. sometime when the mood is right try saying something like "I want you so bad - I really want you to make crazy love to me right now!" or better yet write it on a note and put it somewhere he'll find it at work. or text it during the day. you'll see a transformation IMO.

    hope this helps some :)
  4. Queen_Of_Hearts_13

    Queen_Of_Hearts_13 Fapstronaut

    So very interesting thread. My husband, Jak, and i have kinda touched on this topic. Honestly, I have no idea if me screaming/moaning/making a sound is a turn on. I know he never had sound on for PMO and honestly I never asked if that was his thing. But he has noticed during sex if I am quieter he gets anxious/insecure and stops and asks if I am enjoying it.

    Now, prior to having a baby about 20 feet away I was a screamer during sex (if I was being pleasured) and now given that I don't want to wake up the baby I try to not make much noise. Jak has asked if I fake it with him... and there are times where I overexaggerate the sounds just because I think it will get him there because if I am into it it gets him there, and if he is into it it gets me there.

    Personally I think everyone is different during sex. Some women/men make noises and others don't. I know that I had to ask a past guy to actually make noises during sex because it's a turn on for me and without the noise I can't tell if he is enjoying it. Currently noise/breath is a good indicator. So maybe your guy is worried that he isn't pleasuring you the way he potentially could. Maybe his thoughts are the louder the better or something. Most guys (at least the ones I've been with) don't make much noise, but I could tell from their breathing whether they were enjoying it. Maybe you can tell him that if he wants an indicator to listen to your breathing if you aren't one to make noise during sex. And also I totally get not being able to make noise sometimes, I think that's natural.

    Yes, Jak has told me this many times that he thinks he doesn't do it for me anymore and gets super down and I am like, "Of course you do it for me!" But I think women have that fear too... I know I did, that is why I became a "sex goddess" so to speak by making sure I was skilled at every possible thing I have tried or a guy has asked of me because I wanted to make sure I was good enough... I know stupid, but I was that insecure and wanted to know that I was number one skill wise of any of the people the guy had been with... I know Jak has that same thing too where he wants to make sure he is the best at whatever it is. I know a lot of my ex's thought that too.

    Do you @phuck-porn! think it has to do with how much guys talk/value sex that it leads to the insecurity about whether they are "doing it" for her or even the whole male competition thing? I know for me, mine came from thinking guys want sex, women are seen as sex objects, the only way to get/keep a guy is to be the best at sex. (I know illogical thinking)

    I second this!!! When I read it I was thinking, "Hmmm, maybe he wants more sex and is saying it in a passive way" I know that I am the queen of being non-direct (working on being direct!) and in the past I've said things like, "we used to have so much sex, what happened" as a way to indicate I wanted our sex life to be more frequent. So maybe talk to him about sex, desires, turn-ons, etc.
    Voyageusedutemps and Numb like this.
  5. phuck-porn!

    phuck-porn! Fapstronaut

    honestly I don't know. it's tempting to blame it on porn - what guy doesn't feel inadequate by the size of the male actors and the enthusiasm of the female actors for the guys' parts. however, my sense is that that is the porn industry playing to their audience - they know that guys fantasize about being sex gods with giant members, and that guys are super turned on by a woman being hot for them. so the industry plays to that. probably makes a weird circular feedback loop...

    there is a great little book "For Women Only" by Shaunti Feldhahn in which she surveyed a bunch of guys. she learned some interesting things. Among them are: The number one thing men want from their woman is respect (not sex). another thing she learned is that deep down most men are insecure about their standing in the world, or their standing in eyes of those around them. Another is that sex "unlocks" a man and "changes everything" in her words and not just sex, but 99% of men stated that being desired by their partner was important. 75% said if the woman was just doing, he wasn't interested. Furthermore she found this active desire made the men feel loved and stimulated confidence in all areas of life.

    all that kind of tells me that these insecurities are likely in DNA of males. or at least very wide spread in our culture/time. No doubt it's made worse by porn, and poor parenting, etc. but my sense is that these are there in some degree for all men.
  6. phuck-porn!

    phuck-porn! Fapstronaut

    this is beautiful IMO. kind of getting the ball rolling - because it's a positive feedback loop - the more he's into it, the more you're into it... it just needs someone to prime the pump and get it going.

    I don't honestly know, Anna. my gut though, says that maybe the opposite of what you posited might be closer: guys talk and brag about sex so much due to a fundamental insecurity. and for some reason, it is a HUGE problem a for a guy if he thinks he doesn't do it for his girl. it stomps on that insecurity hard. I don't even know how to put words on it - if my SO told me I was OK in bed, or she could "take it or leave it" I would be crushed at a very deep and sensitive place. I think this is why so many women fake it (recent surveys say only 30% achieve O via PIV - no idea if that is correct or not) because women know men are sensitive about it or will get angry or won't stop until the woman does O.

    conversely - when a guy knows he is 1) taking care of his family + 2) respected by his family, esp his wife + 3)overtly desired sexually by his wife - then all aspects of his life are better. he has more confidence, works better, talks better - is a better human being. when those aren't in place we typically get moody, sullen, angry.
    Queen_Of_Hearts_13 and Trappist like this.

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