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Discussion in 'Significant Other Journals' started by hope4healing, Aug 8, 2015.
This is why support networks are so crucial. It is just not possible for my wife to hear my feelings all the time. Especially when she is triggered. But i need to talk about them to someone. I have to acknowledge and work through my feelings, it is the most important part of staying sober for me. So the solution is my accountability partners in my support network. I make the calls so that i can stay sober and balanced enough to support her healing. And she does hear my feelings when she can. This is definitely one if the biggest points of tension in our relationship. There are times when we are both emotionally compromised and have to lean on our people to get through it, and those times are becoming easier to navigate.
Count yourself lucky .. and take full advantage of this when she is able to listen to you and hear you (while at the same time, always being considerate of your hurt wife's feelings)
For me, June 1 will be two years since our DDay and my wife has not been able to hear my feelings, really at all. To be fair, when we did have deep conversations about us (around Feb - Aug 2018)...I don't think I handled them very well, i.e. I don't think I handled my wife's pain very well while sharing my own pain and feelings.
First, never worry about cluttering up my journal. I appreciate the input from others. If it wasn't for everyone here sharing their stories, I don't know where I'd be, but it would be a lot worse off than I am.
To me, this seems like great progress. I don't think I remember many times where you've written about your wife noticing the look on your face or making a point to mention it, especially about talking/connecting.
Regardless of how you responded to her comment, I think it's important for you to continue letting her know that's what you still want. I realize that's such a tricky thing to do given her boundaries, and I know you are trying to be aware and respect them. But, in this instance, I don't think what you said was entirely out of place. She is the one who engaged you by making the 'observation' and communicating it. Honestly, what could you have said in response that would've been more appropriate?
Now, having said that, I also think it's great that you were able to see how your reply was making it all "about you." That's something many PA's really struggle to change, even after they become aware of the issue. I'm sure that she truly does appreciate the fact that you realized this and communicated it to her.
Yes! If all PA's could make this realization, their recoveries would be smoother and more successful.
I've just read completely through and am all caught up. @hope4healing you are truly a hero.
Are there any updates, has it gotten any better or worse? Any more brave insights you have learned? I look forward to hearing more of your vulnerable heart and point of view.
After 2 years+ of recovery I'm finally just now in a place where I am beginning to feel her pain. Your colorful vivid pictures of your pain helps me a great deal to begin to see it from the other side. A lot of great writing in this thread. Thanks, stay strong, keep the hope alive.