PROJECT ARCHMAGE
Fapstronaut
I am a 20 year old university student, and I have been watching porn since I was 10 or 11 years old. Since then, I don't know that I've been able to go longer than 5 weeks or so without masturbating - I know that that is at least true of the past few years, I don't remember my habits much before high school.
I've been "trying" to quit for years now, but obviously nothing has stuck. Most recently, I've been using the "Blockerhero" app on my phone and "Cold Turkey Blocker" on my laptop in order to avoid viewing porn. Part of the problem is that in some ways, I'm so hooked on the pornography that trying to bypass these blocking / filtering apps has become somewhat of a game for me. For example, yesterday I spent about two hours just trying to get through these blockers so that I could watch porn - that was sort of a low point for me, so here I am.
I think the key thing I've been missing in this journey is someone to hold me accountable - that's why I'm here. I've had an account for a long time but never considered posting, because I thought I could do it all on my own. Clearly that's not the case - I think the daily check-ins and updates with this community can really give me that final push I need towards breaking this habit.
Porn has affected me in a lot of ways, most notably just my perception of myself and my sense of self-esteem. I no longer want to be somebody that watches porn. It has also affected my relationship with my girlfriend, who I've been together with for over six years. My libido has significantly dropped off which impacts our relationship in a lot of ways, and I find myself fantasizing about porn or other girls while we're being intimate - that's a huge problem for me. I want to quit porn and masturbation so that I can feel a sense of pride in myself and who I am, and so that I can be mindful and present in the sexual realm of my relationship.
Thank you so much for having me, and wish me luck. I hope to do one journal every night for the next 90 nights (which will take me right up to the end of this semester), and completely abstain from P and M until that time. Thanks again!
Edit: Another one of my ultimate goals is to eventually drop the blockers on my phone and laptop, and simply not view porn because I don't want to view porn. I think that'll come later though: First, a 90 day reboot!
I've been "trying" to quit for years now, but obviously nothing has stuck. Most recently, I've been using the "Blockerhero" app on my phone and "Cold Turkey Blocker" on my laptop in order to avoid viewing porn. Part of the problem is that in some ways, I'm so hooked on the pornography that trying to bypass these blocking / filtering apps has become somewhat of a game for me. For example, yesterday I spent about two hours just trying to get through these blockers so that I could watch porn - that was sort of a low point for me, so here I am.
I think the key thing I've been missing in this journey is someone to hold me accountable - that's why I'm here. I've had an account for a long time but never considered posting, because I thought I could do it all on my own. Clearly that's not the case - I think the daily check-ins and updates with this community can really give me that final push I need towards breaking this habit.
Porn has affected me in a lot of ways, most notably just my perception of myself and my sense of self-esteem. I no longer want to be somebody that watches porn. It has also affected my relationship with my girlfriend, who I've been together with for over six years. My libido has significantly dropped off which impacts our relationship in a lot of ways, and I find myself fantasizing about porn or other girls while we're being intimate - that's a huge problem for me. I want to quit porn and masturbation so that I can feel a sense of pride in myself and who I am, and so that I can be mindful and present in the sexual realm of my relationship.
Thank you so much for having me, and wish me luck. I hope to do one journal every night for the next 90 nights (which will take me right up to the end of this semester), and completely abstain from P and M until that time. Thanks again!
Edit: Another one of my ultimate goals is to eventually drop the blockers on my phone and laptop, and simply not view porn because I don't want to view porn. I think that'll come later though: First, a 90 day reboot!
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