Hello friends, its me, Pinocchio

"Yep, temptations. They're the wrong things that seem right at the time, but, uh.... even though the right things may seem wrong, sometimes, or sometimes, the wrong things [chuckles] may be right at the wrong time, or visa versa. [clears throat] Understand?" -- Jiminy Cricket​

I like Jiminy Cricket, Pinocchio's little conscious. He always has such good advice! But Pinocchio doesn't listen to him; not at first, anway. Of course he doesn't. Otherwise there would be no story to tell!

I too ignored my conscious, and here's my story.

In my early teens I had no internet (luckily) but got into pleasuring myself, I suppose like most boys do. I think that was still reasonably healthy, but I never talked about it, which created this secret thing which was all mine.

When in mid-teens I got a PC in my room, at first I had little idea about the kind of stuff you could find on there, on the internet. Till some classmate asked me to visit a website that sounded innocent but wasn't. And other friends also showed me certain sites, made recommendations, etc. As if it was the most normal thing to do. Of course I never showed my secrets to anyone!

So I got into porn. And I thought it was all fine. I didn't realize I had problem until I started living together with my ex girlfriend in my late teens. She once found out "my" secret when she asked me. I couldn't lie so there it came out. She was upset and felt... well I'm still not sure how exactly she felt, which is part of the problem. I did quite well refraining at times when we had sex regularly, but sometimes she'd withdraw and it could be weeks. Then I really felt hurt. "She wanted me to quit, and now she makes it impossible!"--I know it's not fair, but that's the way I thought then. Long story short: a beautiful relationship still, but eventually partly to porn it fell apart. It's OK, though. We both learned.

Then the gates to metaphorical hell were open, as porn was freely available again. With nobody to reigh me in it got more frequent, it got weirder, it got out of control. And still my friends wer acting it was OK, watching it on university computers, making funny comments on shapes of women. But I now knew it was not OK, cause I knew I was addicted.

And I decided I had enough and fought it, and did very well. I think near the beginning of this period, I had a year or so without PMO, as a batchelor. That was a happy year, which made it easy. But somehow the last few years I've slowly relapsed back into old habits; mainly looking at P to get the kick, and getting somehow weirdly obsessed about my you-know. MO isn't really the problem.

I've tried to put a definate end to this. But why are porn images and such so easy to find? Even corporate filters are bypassed with no issue.

So 3 days ago, having a particulary disappointing relapse into porn, I decided to join this NoFap I've heard about. I hope it helps. Then I can one day look at a shooting star and say:

"Pretty, huh? I'll bet a lot of you folks don't believe that. About a wish coming true? Well, I didn't either. Of course, I'm just a cricket singing my way from hearth to hearth, but let me tell you what made me change my mind."
​

90 days hard mode no PMO, that's my goal. I'm 3 day in. That's 1/30th of the way there. Not so bad!

Thank you all so much for being there, wherever you are. My love and best wishes goes to you all, wonderful beings on a beautiful journey.

-- Pinocchio (but took the name of my master)

 

Thanks guys!

Stupid question perhaps, but how do I start the counter you both have on the bottom? I hope to just forget about the days and come back here to check, you see!

Edit: I'm so blind. Was all through the profile and settings pages, but there is a buttom right at the top!