Hello from a gay guy who has the same struggles like you

L

Luka27

Fapstronaut
Hello from Western Balkan!
I am Luka, and I use/d masturbation and porn to escape my problems, depression, and loneliness. I started to watch porn when I was 14 or 15 I think. My family didn't have internet access before so I was kinda "spared" for some time. In the beginning, I didn't think as if it was a big deal. I was constantly bullied in school, no one wanted to hang out with me, I never had friends during my high school. Watching porn was a relief and escape from negative thoughts, but at the time I was very religious and I was punishing myself in different ways every time when I jerked off. Basically, I grew up with a negative picture about sex and sexuality.
Speaking about the present time, the problems I am facing are depression, generalized anxiety disorder (diagnosed, I am not making this up), lack of self-confidence, lack of motivation, I constantly compare myself to others, and I still didn't accept myself as homosexual. Porn gave me a false picture of what "real men" do and what "true masculinity" means. I consider myself as worthless, and by watching porn I had a feeling for at least some time that I am like them. Apart from that, I totally lost interest in real sex with men. I met a guy a week ago and we were making out but I was disgusted when he kissed me and touched me. I felt bad to tell him to stop so I tried to initiate conversation a bit more to stop these other activities :) What I noticed was that I couldn't get an erection, I was not aroused at all. The next day, I watched porn 5 times and 5 times masturbated. I started to be aware of my problem. I am now concerned with my future: I don't know if I am ever gonna be able to have real sex, maintain erection and enjoy it more than I enjoy when watching porn.

I have a few questions:
Does no fapping have any negative consequences on reproductive health?
Masturbation without porn - does it cause the same problems as the one with porn?
Erectile dysfunction caused by porn - is it reversible?
I would be happy if someone answers.

If someone wants to chat, exchange experiences or advice, feel free to text me privately. :)

Luka
 
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Hey Luka!
Glad you shared your story. I really feel you man, because of PMO I was also bullied in school and literally depleted of any positive energy. The good news is that you can actually rebuild yourself from that state.

About your questions:

Does no fapping have any negative consequences on reproductive health?
I'm not an expert, but I might tell you that by doing NoFap you don't affect your reproductive health in a bad way. You literally improve it! You can read all that bullshit stuff about prostate cancer and so on... It's mostly ridiculous myths.

Masturbation without porn - does it cause the same problems as the one with porn?
In most cases porn is the problem itself. It have major impact on your dopamine levels in brain. Masturbation is bad, but no as bad as doing it with porn. It releases tension and so on. Of course I'm not talking about compulsive using of it.

Erectile dysfunction caused by porn - is it reversible?
Yes, it is! If you will have enough will power to get that shit out of your life your brain will start to rebooting itself from all damage you have done by jerking off to porn. You will start feeling actual arousal to real people, not that on screen and dysfuncion will pass, you just need to be patient.

Wish you best of luck in your journey!
 
I don't think you should feel bad about your failure to get an erection. The human mind is a complex thing and it is known to play tricks on people. I'm a bisexual and the thought of having sex with a man doesn't arouse me. I guess I'm just interested in a relationship with a guy, but not so much sex. I'm not aware of masturbation leading to reproductive problems, but it can lead to what's known as PIED (pornography induced erectile dysfunction).

The good news is that PIED is treatable; lots of people here suffer from it and some have had victory over it. You have to be committed to stopping pornography, though. It's not enough to do it less -- you have to cut it out of your life.
 
Thank you, guys. I am 4 days without everything and I am planning to take this challenge of 90 days. There is nothing to lose at least. I hope it will also help me a bit with the other issues I am having now together with psychotherapy.
It is good that this forum exists, people seem to be very supportive and I didn't notice any judgemental comments in other sections :)
 
BigBadWolf_27 said:
You can read all that bullshit stuff about prostate cancer and so on... It's mostly ridiculous myths.
Click to expand...
No it isn't and I think there should actually be a health statement on this forum considering going such long periods without masturbating is something a doctor would never suggest you try.
 
@fedmom C'mon man, organism will take charge when the time will be right and cause a wet dream... That's a normal and biological thing. And again, that's just a stupid myth. Our ancestors lived so many years without any issues because of lack of sexual activity and I believe they health was actually way more improved. Prostate cancer can be caused by many things. Other lifestyle factors affect it way more especially if you eat a lot of red meats, smoke and you're overweight. There is no relevance of masturbating to prevent prostate cancer for example.
 
Hello Luka.

1- Ur social failure at school wasnt because of u being a failure, but bc u were punishing urself for things u didnt have control of.

2- Of course u wont have erections with other men if ur blood pressure is filling ur neurons instead of ur dick. For a correct sexual experience u must be relaxed

3- ED by porn? completely reversible.

Do 90 days of NoFap and u will improve greatly in all the aspects u have issues with.

PS: U dont have to be a super masculine macho man in sex, remember that porn is a fantasy... Gay too here and i can relate to a lot of things ur telling us
 
Hey, welcome to the NoFap community : )

It's nice to see you here fighting the good fight alongside us!

Allow me to go ahead and drop some helpful links for you:
Getting Started Guide / Forum Rules / How to Use the NoFap forums/ Glossary/ NoFap Panic button / Set up your day counter / Rebooting Resources/ Accountability groups (new!) / About NoFap/ Support NoFap

Here is just some advice:

First and foremost please take a careful look at each section in the forum, there may be something(s) you will find to be of big help to you.
Secondly I advise you to be active on your profile(as there a few active people in the profile section). Please start by choosing an avatar and then begin posting frequent status posts to show you're active and needing support/encouragement.
The forum has got a neat little feature that shows freshly posted statuses for all users to see.
People will find your profile and give you support.
There’s a portion of people who love communicating in the profile section..(it should be and is )mostly spportive talk but it doesn't hurt to deviate from supportive conversations. It would be great to have you join in and become part of the team!
We support one another in the threads, profile posts, and journals/reboot logs.
Once you receive some support, please be sure and be grateful to the member for the help/support you received and consider giving some in return to anyone you wish.


Thirdly, you should highly consider creating a public journal/reboot log (in the appropriate section for you) to write about your days in depth for us members to follow along on your journey and offer support to you on.


Last but not least: Good luck on your journey here, make sure to really give it a try with all your heart!
 
dragonaire said:
Hello Luka.

1- Ur social failure at school wasnt because of u being a failure, but bc u were punishing urself for things u didnt have control of.

2- Of course u wont have erections with other men if ur blood pressure is filling ur neurons instead of ur dick. For a correct sexual experience u must be relaxed

3- ED by porn? completely reversible.

Do 90 days of NoFap and u will improve greatly in all the aspects u have issues with.

PS: U dont have to be a super masculine macho man in sex, remember that porn is a fantasy... Gay too here and i can relate to a lot of things ur telling us
Click to expand...
Thanks for your reply. I read the book "The velvet rage: overcoming the pain of growing up gay in a straight man's world" a couple of days ago. It opened my eyes regarding so many struggles gay men are facing just because they were thought they were unlovable, flawed and that there was something essentially wrong with them. I have never felt as a part of any community, it was always just I and me. The book helped me to understand my previous actions and to become more compassionate to myself. It is "a must-read" for everyone who hasn't read it already. Also, together with my therapist, I am learning how to accept myself fully and that I am worth living.
My sexual aversion is still present though, I can't imagine myself being with someone right now, no way. Even a single thought of it disgusts me. I may have sexual anxiety too since I realized that I always wanted to perform well instead of enjoying sex without that kind of pressure. It is incredible how using introspection and asking yourself questions can help you with improvement.
Thanks again for your comment.
 
Hi, welcome to the community

I would recommend you to stay in touch with members and read their success stories. You may also learn tricks to avoid the short-term pleasure and to face the temptations.

Be AWARE of your habits and control what you see and what/who you spend your time with.

It's also important to limit the usage of social media. In addition, never be free! Use your free time as much as possible and do sports, exercise, attend classes, etc.

This video contains everything that you need to know about porn addiction. Lastly, here is a collection of ways to deal with the urges which worked great for me.

֍ You got this my friend ֍​
 
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