Hello Guys!!!

How's life guys ? I have finally decided to create an account here to try my absolute best to quit PMO !
I am 19 years old and let me get into my story:-
Now this might be a long story and not very dramatic , but it's mine and I wanted to get it out there anyway.

Back when I was in 6th grade, my parents bought me a new PSP (Playstation Portable) as a gift on my b'day. I was ecstatic and got hooked to it so much so that it started showing into my academics. I have always been considered a smart kid by my teachers and friends(I find it difficult to believe) and always done well at school. Well at least till the end of 6th grade. I got addicted to my PSP. I would lock myself into my room under the pretext of studying but I am sure you can guess what i really used to do inside(play on my PSP).I would study the night before the exams and because of the ease and rather low volume of materials to study, would manage to get by my exams.
This went on for about 1.5 years after which we shifted to a new house(Mid way through 8th grade) in the same city. I was motivated to take things more seriously(as we all probably are when we start a relatively new chapter in our life) but I soon realized that "PROCRASTINATION" had become a habit for me. I would try to study but I absolutely could not try as I may. Not saying I had a World Champion level of attention up to that point but I can confidently say my ability to pay attention while studying had been run off the road and into the ground by me. I tried to overcome it but looking back I can now say, I didn't do it right. I was trying to apply a fresh coat of paint to a crumbling building with a weak foundation in a bid to fix it. I would be super-motivated and convince myself that I would study for 5-6 hours a day in one burst but end up closing my books after 30 minutes. 9th grade comes along and at this point I somehow started masturbating and watching porn. Now imagine this I am already "struggling" quite pitiably with procrastination and now am hooked to PMO. I would PMO multiples times a day. Whenever I sat down to study, I would sneak my phone into the washroom and then PMO. This was an even bigger hit to my academics. My grades fell but through my extreme good luck I pulled through through 9th and 10th grade. 11th grade was when I felt the absolute weight of my bad habits.My grades took a massive hit. 11th and 12th grade goes by in this manner and again through my extreme luck I managed to get the subject I wanted in a college of my choice.

Let me sidetrack a bit and tell you what it feels like:
You sit with your book open in front of you. You realize that your life is passing by and that you are wasting it away by not studying. You try to pay attention.You force your eyes onto the book and you read. A few minutes in and you realize that absolutely nothing went into your brain almost as if it had shut itself down on purpose, to taunt and ridicule you.You try again but you absolutely can't pay attention. It's almost as if every fibre in your body is fighting you and trying to get you away from that book.Your brain absolutely refuses to co-operate, to help you through this ordeal that you have brought upon yourself. You try to fight but ultimately get overwhelmed and give up. At the end of the day, you lie in bed disappointed but trying to convince yourself that tomorrow will be different, but you know somewhere deep down that it won't.

I also went through a period of mild depression probably because of this. I had quite a lot of expectations riding on me, my parents, my teachers, my relatives etc. and knowing that I wasn't strong enough to stand up to all that destroyed my self confidence. I started down talking myself(something I do even now but am trying to overcome) and convincing myself that I was an absolute waste of life. Don't get me wrong, my parents are absolutely pure, loving and wonderful creatures. I don't know what on Earth I have done to deserve such angels in my life. But perhaps it is this impression of them that made me sad, thinking that I could never be the kind of son they deserve. I was also slightly suicidal. I used to have this pocket knife in my room that I would use to cut open packages or paper and I have lost count of the occasions when I have had the thought to just end it all. I never did anything of that sort of course, never practiced self harm. I wish I could say that it was due to my courage or something else equally chivalrous.No,it was because I was a coward who was too afraid to even try something of that sort. Looking back in hindsight I am glad I was too afraid .

Now back to my story:
I officially discovered this wonderful community in the vacations between school and college. I did not join back then but I went through a lot of posts on this website and got convinced that NoFap was the way to go. What stood out to me the most was that people who diligently stuck to it saw an increase in focus and motivation and saw a drastic increase in their positivity towards life, things that I was desperately craving for in my own life. I tried in the first year of college to quit PMO and to pay more attention to my studies but I failed. Let me be more specific. My 1st semester was a fail. I did not go about anything properly and crashed and burned out real quick. My 2nd semester was much better. I was able to NoFap for sometime and improve my scores but lost control sometime after. Though my attempt ended in failure that brief period of improvement has convinced me that I can change, that I don't need to be a victim of my habits. This body and this life are mine to control, I AM THE CAPTAIN OF THIS SHIP AND THE MASTER OF MY FATE! And that brings me here to this day(4th June 2018). I have decided to join this fantastic community and to fight shoulder to shoulder with my fellow soldiers against our common enemy. I also want to win my personal fight against procrastination which I believe I can if I win the NoFap war first.I have lived a good life till now,yes it has has it's ups and downs as I just mentioned but it has been a good life none the less. It could have been a lot worse but it is not and I am grateful for that.

I do not want to be an average Joe,I want to be an EXTRAORDINARY Joe. I do not want to live a mediocre life which consists of instant gratification and no accomplishment.I wish to have a fruitful, lush and successful life and that is why i have chosen the username that I have. It will remind me of the vision of life that I have created for myself.

Here are my goals(for now):
1)Win the Nobel Prize in Physics
2)Work as the Chief Engineer for a F1 team
3)Be a successful Forex trader

This community will help me stay accountable and on-track when my motivation veers off. I plan to post a paragraph here everyday just to keep track of how my NoFap journey is progressing.This journey is long and perilous but the treasure at the end is what makes it all worth it.

Glad to be on-board CAPTAIN!
Let's have a great voyage!