Hello, Internet World

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Paisley, May 21, 2016.

  1. Paisley

    Paisley Fapstronaut

    Hi, obscure group of strangers with whom I have something in common, this writing thing is a little new to me so please bear with me. I've been struggling with mo for just over a decade now, and I've been through many ups and downs on the way to "rebooting." I've never gotten into pornography in the traditional sense but have read explicit literature, dwelt on scenes in a movie, and even sought dirty jokes that fueled my mo tendencies. My biggest triggers seem to be: loneliness and a desire to fit in, boredom or disappointment, even anger. Sometimes if I feel as though I'm already in a state of mortal sin (like I've let God down and damned myself to hell), I wallow in this state and go on what can only be described as masturbation binges. I only choose to regain some self-control when I've confessed my sins, after which I can go for maybe a week or two before experiencing the same temptations and (usually) giving in. I haven't done so in the past two weeks, but I'm experiencing that temptation and am ready to ask for help. I know that ultimately this is about my choice to indulge a particular desire or crush it. Is there a way to do this without having it feel oppressive? I know that mo doesn't actually make me feel better emotionally or spiritually, but in these moments, I really cannot rationalize with feelings that are irrational. Honestly, I don't know what the point is in sharing all this online and making myself vulnerable to countless people via the internet but I'm really hoping that others may be able to understand what I'm going through. Does anyone have tips on how to ditch this habit for good, especially when so many others are condoning this behaviour (minus the guilt)?
  2. Thanks for coming here and sharing your story.We all really appreciate your awareness towards giving up this habit.

    Now Since you're a woman(and a pretty one I assume lol ;) ),You can check out women's section on nofap.There you will find a bunch of ladies on the same road as you are.You can post your progress and problems there on women's section from now on.But you can post on the other sections as well if you feel like sharing it with male members too.

    Get an accountability partner(AP). Since you're a lady,I probably can't be any help for you.Ask for an AP in the "accountability partner" section or "women" section.I would prefer you to get a female AP asap. Please describe fully what type of AP you want when posting your thread for an AP.

    Increase your Understanding towards MO. Understand deeply why MO is right or wrong for you.Go very very deep into the results of MOing and not MOing. Look where will you be happy,MORE Happy,while MOing or not MOing.Write it down,and read it daily.
    Read material on the internet as to why MOing is harmful for you.Also,See yourself practically in your life,what has MOing done to you and what could happen if you don't MO.

    In the end,feel free to share what's in your mind here.
    You're a brave woman since you already have decided to come here and give up this addiction. Good Luck! :)
  3. Sojourner7777

    Sojourner7777 Fapstronaut

    Hi Paisley, and welcome. I know it's a big step to join a forum like this and share so vulnerably.

    As @justcause47 mentioned, there is a women's forum here, although you're absolutely welcome to post and contribute wherever you like.

    In your post you kind of wondered out loud what good sharing this stuff with a bunch of strangers would do. I can only speak for myself, but I've found it an immense help being able to share my struggle with people in a similar situation - in many senses the power of this 'sin' is in its secrecy....we all struggle alone, isolated becuase of the embarrassing and personal nature of our struggle. So, being part of a community who're sharing honestly and openly about their journeys - and who are for the most part really committed to make progress - has been an absolute game changer in my life.

    Beyond that, I'd suggest you immerse yourself in the science behind these habits - there will be female-specific material referenced in the ladies' forum, but the website yourbrainonporn.com is probably a good place to start.

    I agree with @justcause47 that finding an accountability partner is really helpful.

    You'll notice that there are public threads here as well as the ability to send and receive private messages. A friend gave me wise advice, which was to limit my interactions with women to the public forums only, in other words not to get into private conversations with members of the opposite sex. That's not a rule here, it's just a personal 'rule' I've adopted, bearing in mind that we're all in recovery and can trigger each other.

    Lastly, I want to encourage you and say that I genuinely believe it's divine providence that has led you here, and that you're going to break free. 1 Cor 10:13 says that God won't allow you to be tempted beyond what you can bear, and that he will also provide a way out. For me, this community has been God's provision of a 'way out' for me, and it can be for you too.

  4. Paisley

    Paisley Fapstronaut

    Thank you both so much for your kind advice :)
    Sojourner7777 likes this.
  5. Shyguy95

    Shyguy95 Fapstronaut

    Hello, Paisley! Welcome to Nofap. I look at some of the threads sometimes and if I see someone new, I always give them a welcome. When I first got here, I didn't recieve a proper welcome. Although, that could be because I almost never post anything haha I don't like being very public like that so I always use PMs as a way to communicate with new people or with people I want to talk to. But this time I figured that I should do it publicly because someone else might find useful the tips that I'm about to give you. Anyway, I hope you like it here. You'll get better with time. I joined Nofap myself last year, and two months ago I managed to make 40 days without relapsing. I couldn't have made it that far if it wasn't for Nofap. I still struggle with PMO but it's much less often than before. Also, I read your post "Hello, internet world" and I wanted to give you a few tips. The first thing I want to tell you is that you shouldn't feel damned by God, because of this addiction. I just happened to be telling this to a friend of mine yesterday. It's true that this addiction might be seen as something bad in God's eyes but that doesn't mean you are going to hell for it. Everyone sins, Paisley, and people do it in different ways but we all have one or more bad habits. Does that mean that God isn't going to let anyone go to heaven? Of course not. It's even written in the bible that everyone is a sinner. The ones going to hell are the ones that don't make an effort to change those bad habits. And you ARE making an effort. Being here on Nofap is prove of your effort to become better and God loves that. It's awesome that you are trying to change something that most people in the world consider normal. God will keep blessing you like always because he commends you for your effort so I don't want you to feel guilty at all. I thought the same thing you id, but I thought in it logically and I got the ideas out of my head. So please try not to feel bad about it.

    My second tip is to not beat yourself up when you relapse. True, relapsing is not good but it is definitely not starting over from the beggining. Think of this journey as a race on a track of 100 meters. You start running and relapse at 10 meters, so? You are 10 meters in. It's better than zero meters. You've decided to run this race when many people aren't haven't placed themselves in position to start running yet. Don't give up. Don't beat yourself up if you relapse. It's true that it feels discouraging but try not to let it get you angry, upset or sad, because relapsing is part of the process. Everyone will relapse a certain number of times before they can get rid of the addiction. Those people that already aren't addicted relapsed too and they learned from them. Like I said, it's not starting over, a relapse is just a slip in your way to victory. Just stand up and keep going because you will get to that victory sooner than you think.

    These are the words that I told my friend yesterday:

    It mostly comes down to looking for satisfaction that we are in this addiction. You might do it when you are stressed or bored but in the end people always look for something entertaining to do to kill boredom (it's satisying to be entertained), and when we're stressed we look for some pleasuring activity to distract ourselves from the things that stress us (it's satisfying to get pleasure).

    You can't be an addict for no reason. There's something we are getting out of PMO, and that something is satisfaction without effort. If we are stressed, we could go eat something like chocolate to get some pleasure instead of masturbating. But we don't because it takes more effort to look for a chocolate bar than to just start touching. PMO is the most accesible choclate bar, the most accesible entertaining TV program, the most accessible way of forgetting our problems, the most accessible way of getting pleasure, the most accessible satisfaction. It's easy and it takes very little effort to get it.

    So our job is to make an effort to get satisfaction from other things instead of PMO. It's satifying to share how you feel, to have someone care for you when you get an urge, to have someone pay attention to you when you want someone to listen to you. That's why we have APs. But what do we do when APs don't answer? What can you do when you get a craving for sexual satisfaction and you can't find some way to feed it without feeling guilty? What do you do when satisfaction takes something (patience, barvery, effort, dependance on others, etc.) to reach? We can either PMO or do the other thing. But that's easier said than done. It's not something you can't just say and do, right? It's hard to sacrifice a satisfaction that's so easy to get.

    Yes, fighting an addiction requires some of our will but will is not all that's needed. I believe most of us have the will to stop PMO like we stop eating the stuff we love when we want to go on a diet or when we figure it's harmful for us in some way (just like PMO is). I've been thinking that there is a way we can decrease the number of urges we get. We've all had streaks without PMOing. What do we do during those streaks that we don't do when we frequently relapse daily? Urges might be random but I don't think they come for no reason. During a long streak of days without relapsing I get much less urges than during the times I relapse constantly. There is something we are doing that decreases the number of urges. What are we doing differently during streaks and constant relapses? I don't think we are able to have a streak without PMO just because we have more will. You just have to find what can you do to decrease the number of urges or thoughts that might make you relapse.

    Sometimes even having reasons to stop, aren't enough to keep us from doing it, because we start justifying it by thinking that nothing will change if we PMO or that nothing bad is going to happen. It happens to me too. Having reasons to stop gives us only a desire to want to stop the addiction but it's not enough to actually stop it. We have to look for new ways to attack it. New ways to decrease the urges. Less urges means less relapsing. And again, don't beat yourself up too much for relapsing, because beating yourself up won't make it better. Getting angry sad or upset and motivating yourself to do better are two very different things. You don't have to feel bad to motivate yourself and do better. If you relapse, do it with a smile, keep having hope and keep looking at the bright side. I've found really good friends here. To be honest, friends that are better than the ones I met where I live. If it wasn't for this addiction, I wouldn't have met them. What I'm tryin to say is that not everything is bad. Something good will come out of this. Perhaps you're meet good friends too or someone that could change your life positively but you will get something good out of this journey. Perhaps God wants us to get as much good things as we can from the fight with our addiction before we can actually get rid of it. So don't push yourself too hard and live one day at a time.

    I wish you the best on tjis journey and I'm glad that you decided to join, Paisley :)

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