Hi everyone I’ve come on here today to seek some support as the SO. I will give you a brief run down on our journey so far... I’m 40 and my Partner is 39. I was married for 15 years with 2 children (12 & 10) until my DH died of cancer in jan 2017. Following his passing I started dating for the first time in forever. In the Aug/Sept I met a lovely genuine guy who was currently working in the military. I had always had a stereotype of these types of guys in my head but he was lovely and treated me amazingly. We hit it off instantly and have been together ever since. He has now left the military and has moved from his digs into my home with the kiddos. They really like him and he is a fantastic person to have in our home......until.....this addiction came to life. He had never hid the fact he had watched porn and seemed to Masturbate a hell of a lot. I wasn’t used to the this from my marriage so found it all very off. At first I was ok, then when he would go away on detachment I started requesting he cut back as it seem to be having an affect on our intimacy at times. Once he moved in I wrongly snooped. And what I discovered was his problem appeared to be far worse that I had ever given credit. Our intimacy was amazing and the amount of effort I was putting in was becoming rediculous as I think I was trying to compete!!! Anyway the realisation came when I realised he was sometimes using it to get horny for me and even to the extent of pretending to look up how to do certain intimate things in front of me to almost justify what he was doing. So eventually I had enough and I sent him the ted talk on your brain on porn. The penny finally dropped!!!! He was dumbfounded and devastated as he suddenly GOT IT!!! Since then he enrolled himself on a self help kind and body course and downloaded a tracking app for his progress and has seen a dr to seek 1:2:1. Last night he told his BFFs and have asked for their accountability support. What’s tipped me today is after all this I finally decided to check his tracker and saw that today he did in fact elapse whilst I was out the house (but my son and friend were home). My confliction is that 1) I know he is trying extremely hard and using all resources he can. 2) why today couldn’t he just dig deep and wait til I was home and seek support from me? We are meant to be on medium mode. I am now contemplating hard mode as I know he will have relapses but I’m worried medium isn’t really gonna get him to fix quick enough. I mean I literally give it up on tap daily and twice daily as we are quite new and I enjoy our time but I’m back to this competing thing! I know it’s not about me but it so dang hard to NOT take it to heart. I worry I don’t have enough strength to support him as I’m still needing so much support myself at times!!!!