Hello! (Male 31 yrs old)

I first heard about NoFap in 2016. At the time, I didn't think I was addicted to porn. I always thought addiction meant "severe" addiction but addiction really does look different for everyone or perhaps I was just in denial. At the time, I had a door to door job which for some reason I liked. Could've been the fact that it was a commission based job which I wasn't used to and I liked earning my commission as opposed to working the typical retail job at that time.

I got fired in 2017. Usually, when I get fired from a job, I take it personally, sure, but I get over it fairly quickly. This time, it felt different because I actually cared about the job. Punctuality was the reason they gave me as to why I got fired. I was late often by 5-10 minutes. After talking to the manager he also gave me an additional reason as to why I got fired, which looking back, I'm glad he was honest with me. He told me that I also don't participate much in the workshops and trainings before we go out to knock on doors.

Getting fired from this job was a wake up call for me. I finally acknowledged that something was off about me. Also, at the time I was struggling with girls and dating because I wasn't getting much action but wanted to. My brother in law and sister were heavy into meditation and spirituality in which today appears to be a bunch of "toxic positivity" to me and that can also be viewed as another addiction but I won't get into that. What I will say is I never got into the spirituality and occult world like they did (thank god lol) but I was curious about meditation.

So, I meditated using a guided meditation app in 2017 called headspace. I gotta say, I loved this app. I felt like it helped plenty and at one point, it helped me realize that hmm.. maybe I should put the porn down. I did.. for 1 day. Lol. That was a strong indicator that I was addicted to it. Going from watching online porn from ages 14 to 26 every day, once a day to try to put it down for more than a day was extremely hard for me! Needless to say, I achieved not watching porn for more than a day, then more than 3 and finally more than a full month! Then I tried quitting porn completely. So, I went a whopping 5 months without porn or masturbation shortly after that.

I achieved this in 2018. Some things changed in my life for sure during the absence of porn in this 5 month period. For one, I experienced a sex drive that have not experienced before. It was overwhelming but at one point, it gave me the motivation to talk to girls, get their number and date which usually resulted in casual sex. About 3 months into my nofap journey, I met a girl I fell in love with. She was shopping at my workplace at the time and I remember she looked very beautiful but also very old school. Long flowy dress and a jacket, very covered up which is a little bit unusual considering that I live in Miami where women usually wear revealing things like leggings or other tight clothing.

Little did I know, this girl was about to change my dating life completely. I talked to her as a sales consultant at this retail store that I worked at the time and she was a customer (this is how I approached many women while on the clock lol). This girl was different. She was an angel and so nervous as I was flirting with her. I was nervous too but I think she shows her nervous energy a lot more than me. Anyways, I got her number and texted her a couple of days later and we met at a barnes and noble after my work since she was at the mall across the street. I waited for her in the starbucks that's inside the barnes and noble.

I finally see her coming my way through the window. I remember gawking at her through the window because she looked so beautiful and her clothing was a lot different this time (tight jeans, tight white shirt, hair down). She looked so beautiful. I let her in on my nofap journey and to my surprise, she related to it. She was also controlling herself from watching porn or even masturbating too often. We both related on how horny we were and we ended up doing sexual things except for actual penetrative sex because she wanted to remain a virgin. I fell in love with this girl. She was only 19 and I was 27 at the time. She was goofy, funny, such a positive energy to her and she was stunningly beautiful.

Apparently the feelings weren't mutual because she had left me after the summer of 2018. She also finally told me that she's a jehovah's witness and can't be with me because it was a sexual relationship and she was doing things that God detests. After this, and trying to get her back, I began to become a "serial dater", and also resorted back to watching porn at times. I went on Back to back dates and casual sex for about 2 and half years from girls I would meet at my workplace(s) or even tinder. Somewhere in that time, I also met a religious girl with a brilliant mind and is now in the medical field making a decent salary and living with a boyfriend in New York. Things almost worked with us but there were intimacy issues partly due to porn and I let her know about that but she did not like that and I wasn't very attracted to her physically which she also knew and so that relationship crumbled.

Then, Covid happened. I INDULGED in porn during covid and even post covid. During these times I was convinced that porn is something that I actually want to create or be involved with as a job or career. When I turned 31 last year (January 2022), I was given a great opportunity to work from home. I got the job but I started to gain weight, indulge in porn often but started to become a lot more responsible with my money and by August 2022, I decided to try to gain more control over my life. I started to exercise, eat healthy, continue being more responsible with my money. I watched plenty of Dave Ramsey and David Goggins and still do at times. Also, I got on another nofap journey from October 2022 - January 2nd 2023. During that time, I noticed that I have to quit watching porn for good because my life is overall better without it and I connect with family a whole lot more and focus more on self improvement etc.

Now, in the moment I'm typing this (Jan 4th 2023), I lost 30 pounds (back to my pre-covid weight) and I have the intentions to quit porn for continued self improvement, discipline and other benefits that I might not know yet. I PMO'd once on January 1st 2023 and one time again on the 2nd. I would like at this point to be actually part of this community as I believe it will be helpful to my porn addiction. Thank you guys for reading and I'm glad to be on board! And as you can tell, I LOVE porn but I've come to the realization that my life is better without this addiction. Happy New Year to all as well! Thanks!

 

Thank you!