hello nofap... A crossroads again

Hello nofap Community. I'm joining today to try to find a better level. Nofap users/forums and an unanticipated accountability partner were godsends 2.5 years ago when I finally started getting some Meaningful separation from
PMO. How much backstory? I'm a committed Christian. Married with 4 kids. I'm a farmer musician and teacher. Lots going on all the time.
I think a lot of married with kids people, especially Christians, dont know what to do with periodic use of PMO. I didn't and don't. November two years ago a friend challenged me to confess to me wife
My PMO habits, which I had on several occasions over the past 12 years. I reasoned that her pregnancy nervousness and my thin belief that change was possible made confession impossible. I started reading nofap forums along in there when this friend challenged me to be straight with my wife despite embarrassment of confessing something AGAIN.
For the past 2.5 years I have tried to work out a solution with my spouse, who one good days wants to be involved but has four children on all days.
Since cutting out porn, sex improved almost overnight. I set my sights on not using sexual fantasies to achieve orgasm, MOing less, and such.
The latter two have been harder and I find myself
Over the past month routinely surfing suspiciously, glancing at P for literally one second and then moving on--but again and again, and the authenticity of the abstinence just falls apart. I am irritable right noW from fighting and (and not really fighting) urges as if I was locked up in PMO full on like ages ago. I am
Thankful to have some real separation thee, in any case, but I need this distraction behind me bigtime. I've been lurking in the shadows, and I've learned some of the most helpful stuff here for making the initial commitment, but I need to
Connect and get accountability with some oomph. I made a commitment to confess to my wife EVEry time there's any contact with porn. I've honored that commitment but it's not having a magic or perfect deterrent effect. I'm so so so open to the wisdom ideas and insight here. I'm proud to join honestly.

 

Well I guess you get a little bump from joining. I have. I haven't taken the little stuff like racy news articles seriously enough.