Hello NoFap, I think Christianity gave me ED

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Psychoneironaut, Nov 17, 2016.

  1. Psychoneironaut

    Psychoneironaut Fapstronaut

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    Hello fellow frequent fappers (and former fappers). First of all, I just wanted to say thank you guys for being an awesome community. I've been browsing these forums and the subreddit for a while now, and I've discovered a wealth of helpful information and genuine encouragement. Hard to come buy these days.

    As for my background/goals, I'm a 19 American male and I plan to abstain from PMO for the recommended 90 days. If an occasion arises for me to have sex with a girl, I'll probably do it 'cause I need to get some experience to help boost my confidence in bed.

    One of the main reasons I'm committing to NoFap is because I've had trouble getting it up in the past, even with my girlfriend of two years. Thing is, we only did oral/tactile until towards the end of the relationship, when we finally had sex. We did it 3 times, I was at 50% hardness max, and I exploded in less than 20 secs. The first one I came so fast I didn't even know it happened.

    Then we broke up, and I've been screwed ever since. (Not because of the sex; I ended things because she was unreasonably paranoid and insecure about me being around other females. It got to the point where I couldn't even do school projects with girls because she was so paranoid. And I never gave her the slightest reason to suspect anything. I truly was happy being with her, but she, ironically, drove me away due to her unfounded worries. And it's not like I didn't try to quell her fears. I lost hundreds of hours of sleep staying up late talking to her on the phone and comforting her, I did everything I could to help give her security; it was just never enough).

    Anyway, now I get so nervous that my dick will shrink when a girl comes on to me. It's ridiculous. I'm not a nervous guy by any means, but when it comes to sexual situations my brain just flat flips out.

    I have a theory that this anxiety (and the anxiety of many men around the world) stems from being raised Christian. First, I want to make it clear that I am not calling the Christian religion, or any of its followers (which includes my entire family on both sides) evil. I am merely forming a conjecture based on years of observation and analysis of the culture I was raised in. In this culture, abstinence is so ingrained into and enforced by the people that in the sixth grade I actually found myself explaining to my female friend what a vagina is. Sex education essentially non-existent. Every year that I was in school they told us that we were just too immature, that next year we would be ready. As you can probably guess, that "next year" never came. Unless you count the one day in our sophomore History class when the teacher threw a video up on the Smart Board that slut-shamed all unmarried non-virgin women and equated unmarried sexually active men demon-spawn. Basically, just watch the Last Week Tonight episode on sex ed and you'll see what it was like. Ultimately, this attitude about and avoidance of sex creates this weird construct in kids' minds that manifests itself as a deep-seated anxiety about sex. It makes sex seem abnormal, abhorrent, even inhuman. To me, that sounds like murder, or rape, or incest--not one of the the most beautiful, intimate experiences that two (or more) human beings can share.

    So no wonder so many of have anxiety about sex. We're taught that sex belongs only to a married man and woman, and that is all we're taught. There's a reason my state has so many teen pregnancies: nobody ever told us about condoms or birth control. There is only abstinence and ignorance. I want to ensure that this will not be the case for future generations. People are free to believe (or not believe) as they please, but depriving children of education about perhaps the most basic, meaningful, (and sometimes dangerous) aspect of the human experience is ludicrous.

    Well, if you made it this far, thanks for reading. I hope you were able to identify with some part of my experience, or at least share in my fury.

    TLDR: The Christian religion's insistence on abstinence is at least partially responsible for many cases of sexual anxiety in men. Not to mention that the lack of sex ed in Christian controlled states/towns is largely to blame for high teen pregnancy rates and the transmission of STDs.

    Good luck, and stay strong!

    (Also, I realize this got kinda out of hand for an introduction. I apologize.)

    P.S. If you'd be interested in joining my AP group, click here.
     
  2. Deadlihood

    Deadlihood Fapstronaut

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    Jesus holy fucking shit Christ. What the fuck did I just read? I fucking spit water out of my mouth laughing so hard at the title - before I clicked on the thread - and expected a shitpost or some kind of batshit crazy paranoid rhetoric. Alas, I stand corrected. You made a great post -- and we agree that proper sex education is very important.

    I do however differ from you in terms of how we came about our EDs: I was raised a Christian - and still am - although for me, my trouble with boners aren't related with any kind of anxiety; they're related with goddammed fucking PIED. <3

    Hope everything works out for you -- and welcome to this board.

    Cheers.
     
  3. letter

    letter Distinguished Fapstronaut

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    Indeed, OP, indeed. Misinformation about sex does a terrible lot of damage. I wish you all the best in your journey to recovery.

    (and lol, what a title)
     
  4. Psychoneironaut

    Psychoneironaut Fapstronaut

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    Haha thanks man, glad you liked it:D

    PIED is partly to blame for me as well. (Although, it could be argued that if sex was more casually talked about around us we might never have needed to turn to porn. But who knows?:rolleyes:)

    Thanks, hope it all works out for you too.
     
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  5. mcrcvrng

    mcrcvrng Fapstronaut

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    I've only been to a few online meetings, but there's a 12 Step group called Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous and they actually recognize sexual anorexia as a problem as well, and it does seem to be a deeply ingrained pattern in that culture.
     
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  6. Psychoneironaut

    Psychoneironaut Fapstronaut

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    Huh, sounds interesting. Never heard the term "sexual anorexia" before but that's a good way to describe it haha. I might check that out, thanks!
     
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  7. Deadlihood

    Deadlihood Fapstronaut

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    Interesting - sexual anorexia...
     
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  8. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut


    I totally understand what you are saying in your post and I read your long and short version but I pose these questions:

    How would a guy's life be if a he waited until marriage to have sex?

    • Would he have ED?
    • Would he have any STDs?
    • Would he have to worry about your wife complaining about your penis size because she wouldn't have had a comparison. Is if either of you aren't satisfied with sex, you have the rest of your marriage to get it right.
    • Would he be dealing with PMO?
    • Would he be dealing with SA?(Sex addiction)?
    Parents that explain the anatomy to their children are being negligent. Ignorance doesn't help the idea of abstinence, it hurts it.

    Just thought I'd throw in a devil's advocate point of view to have more to consider.

    As always, each person will make is own decisions and travel along his own path.
     
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  9. Psychoneironaut

    Psychoneironaut Fapstronaut

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    Yeah man you make an excellent point. I can definitely see those bullet points being true for men and women who wait, and they're very positive.

    So I guess I should clarify and say that the crux of the issue is needing to have the information about and the option to have sex before marriage be seen as normal and healthy. As should the option to wait until marriage and not be criticized or ostracized for choosing that option. Ultimately it's about letting people be free to make their own choices, and providing them with the necessary information to make those choices in a well-informed manner.

    Thanks for your opposing argument, it honestly helped me dig a little deeper into what I feel the issues might be. Good luck with your own journey my friend, I wish willpower and confidence upon you.
     
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  10. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    I do agree with you that all information should be shared because, you are right, it will be a personal choice to abstain or not but all of the information or either side should be given. Once all of the information has been given and the choice has been made, the consequences of each choice will be seen (if only seen by the individual(s) who made the choice. God sees and already knows the choices we make and their consequences well before we do but gives us free will to make them.
     
  11. Psychoneironaut

    Psychoneironaut Fapstronaut

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    Couldn't have said it better myself.
     
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