pianoguy17
New Fapstronaut
Tl;DR - I struggle with defining "relapse." I struggle with fantasizing and edging. I'm as addicted to masturbation as porn. For me, fantasizing leads to edging, leads to masturbation, leads to porn. So, stop the fantasizing stop the porn addiction? Tips for not fantasizing or edging, esp. at night when I can't sleep?
If brevity is the soul of wit, I am a fool. Pardon my foolishness.
Hello!
I'm a 28 year old married male struggling to overcome pornography and masturbation addiction. I've been married for almost five years and we've been together about 9. I was about 14 or 15 the first time I saw pornography, and have had an on again off again relationship with it ever since. For me, masturbation is as much a problem (or more) than porn. I think I've jacked off nearly every single day (or more) since I was probably 14 or 15. I fear that even if I "conquer" my porn addiction, masturbation will inevitably lead to porn viewing again. After all, my own fantasy's are only so good, and sooner or later I'll give in and *only* look at pictures of hot girls, and then *just* look at a few still images of porn (no videos, that's a relapse), then maybe some gifs, and then just one little video won't hurt, and then just a few videos for like, 10-15 minutes, and then just one last video, after this next one that is....and next thing you know, I'm fully addicted again.
I decided to stop having realized the insanity of what I was doing, and how my viewing was escalating. once I started looking, I would look for longer periods of time, tell myself I would stop but wouldn't, tell myself I wouldn't look but would, etc. If I knew I would (probably) have sex over the weekend, I would (try, but usually fail) to stop for a few days before hand. Otherwise I sometimes struggled to orgasm during sex. I usually failed and masturbated the day before (or day of). To try to compensate for having already gotten off I would look at pornography multiple times throughout the day but never get off to make sure I was "super horny" for sex. Then, I'd sometimes masturbate right after sex, or the next day. I realized how preposterous it was to plan my sex life around porn and masturbation. I realized I failed to cut down on my use many times, used more than I intended, used when I didn't intend etc.
I had tried to stop on a few occasions but inevitably relapsed. I think part of it was I wasn't being honest with my wife and wasn't remaining accountable to her. Although she knew (ish) that I looked at porn (and we even used it during sex) I wasn't honest with her about my intentions to stop or my problems with it (or with masturbation). This time, I've been completely clean with my wife. She knows my goals as well as I do, but I don't know my goals very well -that's the problem. I know no porn, no masturbation, and no sex outside of a partner.
But like Bill Clinton, it depends on what the "meaning of is, is" and what the meaning of "sex" is. I'm comfortable with weekly sex (ie - vaginal intercourse) but what about a blowjob? or hand job? Is that relapsing?
My goal is not to be addicted to orgasms. Is still having orgasms just teasing myself and setting myself up for failure? Is it just an alcoholic switching from whiskey to beer? I honestly don't know -hence me posting here!
Lastly, I've been porn free for 17 days, and masturbation free for 8 days (not not orgasm free). What I'm really struggling with is not fantasizing or edging. That's what I need help with. If I have trouble falling asleep at night, I'll usually fantasize about having sex (with some (other) girl I know, which makes me feel really guilty) and play with myself (but no orgasm) until I fall asleep. Up until yesterday, I wouldn't have called that a relapse. But, I think it might be. Any thoughts from veterans on getting past fantasizing or edging? I'm fine with not edging during the day, or fantasying during the day - it's only at night when I can't sleep. I've used it as a "sleep aid" probably since I was 14.
I'm pretty sure if i don't conquer fantasizing or the edging, it will conquer me. I'm pretty sure fantasizing leads to edging, leads to masturbation, leads to porn. So, logically no fantasizing no porn? The question, my dear friends, is how?
How do I stop fantasizing at night? Any one else struggle with this? Anyone have tips for falling asleep aside from edging/fantasizing? Anyone define relapse as any (non medical/hygiene related) self touch?
Cheers!
If brevity is the soul of wit, I am a fool. Pardon my foolishness.
Hello!
I'm a 28 year old married male struggling to overcome pornography and masturbation addiction. I've been married for almost five years and we've been together about 9. I was about 14 or 15 the first time I saw pornography, and have had an on again off again relationship with it ever since. For me, masturbation is as much a problem (or more) than porn. I think I've jacked off nearly every single day (or more) since I was probably 14 or 15. I fear that even if I "conquer" my porn addiction, masturbation will inevitably lead to porn viewing again. After all, my own fantasy's are only so good, and sooner or later I'll give in and *only* look at pictures of hot girls, and then *just* look at a few still images of porn (no videos, that's a relapse), then maybe some gifs, and then just one little video won't hurt, and then just a few videos for like, 10-15 minutes, and then just one last video, after this next one that is....and next thing you know, I'm fully addicted again.
I decided to stop having realized the insanity of what I was doing, and how my viewing was escalating. once I started looking, I would look for longer periods of time, tell myself I would stop but wouldn't, tell myself I wouldn't look but would, etc. If I knew I would (probably) have sex over the weekend, I would (try, but usually fail) to stop for a few days before hand. Otherwise I sometimes struggled to orgasm during sex. I usually failed and masturbated the day before (or day of). To try to compensate for having already gotten off I would look at pornography multiple times throughout the day but never get off to make sure I was "super horny" for sex. Then, I'd sometimes masturbate right after sex, or the next day. I realized how preposterous it was to plan my sex life around porn and masturbation. I realized I failed to cut down on my use many times, used more than I intended, used when I didn't intend etc.
I had tried to stop on a few occasions but inevitably relapsed. I think part of it was I wasn't being honest with my wife and wasn't remaining accountable to her. Although she knew (ish) that I looked at porn (and we even used it during sex) I wasn't honest with her about my intentions to stop or my problems with it (or with masturbation). This time, I've been completely clean with my wife. She knows my goals as well as I do, but I don't know my goals very well -that's the problem. I know no porn, no masturbation, and no sex outside of a partner.
But like Bill Clinton, it depends on what the "meaning of is, is" and what the meaning of "sex" is. I'm comfortable with weekly sex (ie - vaginal intercourse) but what about a blowjob? or hand job? Is that relapsing?
My goal is not to be addicted to orgasms. Is still having orgasms just teasing myself and setting myself up for failure? Is it just an alcoholic switching from whiskey to beer? I honestly don't know -hence me posting here!
Lastly, I've been porn free for 17 days, and masturbation free for 8 days (not not orgasm free). What I'm really struggling with is not fantasizing or edging. That's what I need help with. If I have trouble falling asleep at night, I'll usually fantasize about having sex (with some (other) girl I know, which makes me feel really guilty) and play with myself (but no orgasm) until I fall asleep. Up until yesterday, I wouldn't have called that a relapse. But, I think it might be. Any thoughts from veterans on getting past fantasizing or edging? I'm fine with not edging during the day, or fantasying during the day - it's only at night when I can't sleep. I've used it as a "sleep aid" probably since I was 14.
I'm pretty sure if i don't conquer fantasizing or the edging, it will conquer me. I'm pretty sure fantasizing leads to edging, leads to masturbation, leads to porn. So, logically no fantasizing no porn? The question, my dear friends, is how?
How do I stop fantasizing at night? Any one else struggle with this? Anyone have tips for falling asleep aside from edging/fantasizing? Anyone define relapse as any (non medical/hygiene related) self touch?
Cheers!
