Hello! Trying to Keep a Positive Mindset and Focus on Healing/Changing my Life.

Hello everyone!

New here (well not really, had an account made back in June of last year, shows how much this has been on my mind). Anyway been sort of making the journey alone and it's not working so I figure this is probably going to help a lot.

Don't think it's just specifically porn and sex that's my addiction and issue (though it's how I usually deal with it); think it's a dopamine problem too.

Was prescribed Adderall and decided it would be a good idea to put it up my nose, did Cocaine for awhile before that, when I was running nightclubs it was just fairly commonplace.

Had horrific Social Anxiety all my life balanced with pretty bad depression... kept trying to self-medicate... But I'm done with that now. Longest streak is 8 days so far but I only stopped snorting Adderall a 15 days ago, so the withdrawals are pretty killer.

I start shaking and sweating and it's... pretty bad, I go to the gym a lot (noticed I literally can't sit still if I don't do at least 2 hours of cardio a day) but notice I don't have very much motivation.

I think the phrase: Discipline not Motivation is going to become really important until some of the Dopamine Pathways repair themselves.

Joined a 12 Step Program (NA) don't tell anyone about my problem, guess I'm still ashamed of it. It's easier to tell people I was a Cocaine and Adderall Addict than admit this. I feel bad because I've been lurking on these forums and the reddit for a couple years and none of us are Perverts whatsoever but.... I feel like I am whenever I think about telling someone. So I don't think I am ready to say anything, at least not yet.

Oh I almost forgot, I have a Disability, an Ostomy bag that's attached to my stomach permanently, interestingly enough through all my hospital stays I did modeling to... inspire people I guess? I don't really remember, the brain fog has gotten pretty bad, so have all the anti anxieties and anti depressants I convinced myself I needed to take.

Anyway I just wanted to introduce myself, I'm on a path to changing my life and nothing is gonna stop me.
 
Welcome back to NoFap where you are still amongst friends who are here to encourage you and sometimes challenge you but not judge you.

You may or may not have heard of this saying, "your only as sick as your secrets", allow yourself to begin to heal by sharing your secrets with your group. You may be assuming you are the only one with PMO as an issue. More likely than not, others in your group are not even aware of PMO and the devastating results of this issue. It may be they are in denial of PMO being a factor in other subsequent addictions. Your admission may be the catalyst of someone to seek PMO recovery. Just a thought.

The enemy is here to steal, kill and destroy. What are your current strategies for combating the enemy called PMO?
 
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