Hello

I know nobody will read all of this but hopefully putting my problems into words will help me.

I'm 18 and I feel like I have the potential to be very successful, but whenever I get lost in my work and start making good progress I get a sudden urge from nowhere to watch porn (my work is all done on the computer, and no there is no other way to do it). I end up wasting 30 - 40 minutes masturbating when I could be doing something so much more productive and useful. This happens most days, sometimes twice a day.

Unfortunately it doesn't end there. I feel like I have to masturbate whenever I wake up and also when I go to bed, otherwise I'm not tired enough to sleep, though these 'sessions' (don't know what else to call it haha) are much shorter, only 5 minutes or so to get the job done. It's mostly normal porn that you wouldn't be too embarrassed to be caught watching, but sometimes I get bored of that and go for stuff that makes me ashamed afterwards.

I don't know if it counts as an addiction or if it's just hormones because I sometimes go a few days without masturbating. When I finally do it's not that I'm craving it or anything, I just feel like doing it.

I always regret my decision afterwards and swear to myself I will control myself in the future, but deep down I know that it won't last. I started going to the gym and forcing myself to go out with friends even when I didn't really feel like it, but it doesn't really help. About an hour ago, I decided enough is enough and googled nofap (after wiping my hands).

I have a good diet and socialise quite often, though I am quite awkward around people I don't know. As I said before I also go to the gym a few times a week. I have a weekend job for some extra cash, I can drive, I'm top of my classes and my home life is good. I don't know why I can't just be satisfied with the life I have. The only thing I can think of is that I feel kind of lonely.

I've decided to set myself a target - don't watch porn until September 1st. Hopefully by then I'll decide to change the target to October, then November and so on.

I just want to be a good person and get on with my work.