Hello.I'm new here. Not exactly sure what to place here. But here's the reason why I'm here what I want to accomplish. First off: I am 27.The reason I'm here is kind of painful and a direct line to my past. In my past I was abused.. Because of that I've struggled with normality. I did not realize it at first if I'm being honest. I thought my depression, anti social behavior and self esteem all came from the fact I'm not confident in my looks. It was not until recently I found out that it is a big factor in my childhood. I've indulged in risk taking behaviors sexually. which, at first was fun.. but anymore I've been questioning my choices. I don't regret. More like wonder why I did it. I didn't enjoy it but I continued to do it. I've have been masterbating since the age of 10. Since 10 years old, I have barely taken a break. The longest I've gone was 5 days without masterbation.. i never questioned it until a year or so ago when I got really lonely and realized that masterbating wasn't doing the trick for me anymore.. I ignored it and went on. I used to only use my imagination. But around the age of 14, I started watching porn.. I never stopped after that tbh. I didn't think anything of it. People would talk about porn addictions and how it ruined their lives but, nothing ever ruined my life like that. It's like I have a barrier that causes such things to not effect me. Not in the way people mentioned anyway. Which made it extremely hard for me to see the signs early on. I didny see any of the signs until a year ago when I decided to look into my behaviors myself instead of ignoring them and going off of me just having depression. Since then, I have been trying to fix myself. But, not the porn use. Because I didn't think it was a issue. Not to mention, I felt more relaxed and less anxiety when I came.. porn over the years has expanded. It went from soft core. To slow stuff. To hentai. Which I watched for years.. then I went to normal porn.. then it just progressed more And more... And the things that got me off got more and more strange... And extreme.. a couple of days ago, I came across a video that I felt deep. DEEP shame for getting off to and I didn't know what to do. I decided to go back to the video later on and I watched it... Turns out nor Ally, it doesn't turn me on. Like at all. But I think that when I'm initially horny, it does. Which is probably not ok.. it's also a deep seeded issue from my past... I was reading the comments. One mentioned that it's ok to feel shame or whatever. It's just porn addiction. And that they should try NoFap. That itll go away if you do it.(the shame of getting off to such a video). I thought maybe if I joined, I could also do this NoFap thing.. so, here I am. I'm.hoping if I can. Figure this masterbation and porn addiction thing out, I can figure out the issues that have been driving me insane. So. Here I am. Wanting to do this NoFap thing .. that was a lot of info but necessary info.