I’m probably going to be all over the place and leaving out important/graphic details. But here we go. I’ve been masturbating since about 12(I’ll be 35 in December). My friend put on one of his older bother’s tapes that he “found” in a drawer full of tapes to “laugh” at it with his friends. Of course I waited for my opportunity when we all left out of the room and went back to snag one. Took it home and would masturbate to it. It took a few times for me to actually ejaculate. The rest was history. At 19 I started drinking and started smoking weed regularly at 21 after I wrecked my car. A coworker handed me a blunt of “loud” after work the next day… gave me his plug. The rest was history. So masturbation, weed, and drinking in that order: those were my addictions in order of preference. Last summer I took shrooms for the first time. I started to hear voices. Smoking weed would make them louder. I would hear them telling me to masturbate. Especially if I watched TikTok lives. I liked this at first because it felt like a dream world where my habit was accepted and wanted. Even started paying for chat sites to show it and watch strangers. Then I would hear men ask me to nutmeg and that freaked me out. This had to stop: I deleted all of the screen recordings, snaps, photos and finally TikTok from my phone. Stopped subscribing to the chat sites and the voices subsided. I stopped masturbating and they subsided even more. I was going at least a week strong and then I got suspended/fired from my job for throwing a pizza crust at a guy that was looking at my crouch. Clearly my body chemistry was changing. That day was April 4, 2024. The voices almost completely stopped after that besides an occasional female voice that would tell me to masturbate to get my job back. But I haven’t masturbated since before I was fired and was determined not to. My last joint was May 10, 2024 and last beer somewhere around then also. I never thought that I would be able to quit weed let alone masturbation. A month or so later I’d gotten another job. 55 days after I’d stopped, I had a wet dream and then I heard the voices celebrating. I was angry. I cried. And punched the dresser in frustration and shame. I thought I had failed because my mind was still dirty. I got over it after watching some YouTube videos about nocturnal emissions during semen retention and felt a little better. I’m now on day 114: I’ve had a total of 4 wet dreams, a few more dry erotic dreams, NO PMO or sex, no weed, no beer, and definitely no more mushrooms I still get frustrated when I have a wet dream and feel a bit moody and drained after one. But I’m learning to accept my that I’m not perfect. I catch women staring at me, bending over in front of me, almost running into me, and all kinds of shenanigans . Every day in public is a battle. In general I feel stronger, clearer, and I still hear the voices but they are %75-90 less frequent and lower volume than they were. ️ There’s a lot that I left out but this is the gist of my wild journey. This is now a lifestyle. You can do it!!!
