Help! BDSM/Bondage addictions fetish.

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by dfk6498, Jul 12, 2018.

  1. dfk6498

    dfk6498 Fapstronaut

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    I have a Bdsm/bondage addictions. Since I was 8 I have always been turned on when seeing a girl tied up. When I was 12 I found bondage porn and I was immediately hook on it. I'm 26 now and have been married for 6 years. My wife and I have been having soft bdsm sex since the beginning and she is into the soft stuff. However I'm noticing I want to go further and further. Like wanting to build a Dungeon and stuff and my wife is not for that.

    I realize that this is all probably mostly porn induced. Which is why I'm quitting PM. However, is this a fetish I will always have? Because I'm not sure if its even healthy.
     
    Bubbles likes this.
  2. OnceAfraidToMerge

    OnceAfraidToMerge Fapstronaut

    I've been thinking quite deeply about the exact same thing. I started a thread about it that you can check out here:

    https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/the-virtuous-fetishist.182611/

    There's some stuff about the coexistence of fetish with religious faith in there which may not be relevant to you, but the most recent post I made with regards to distinguishing fetishes from sexual disorders may be of help.
     
    wheredoweallbelong likes this.
  3. Do u think there could also be a correlation to previous abuse? Why otherwise would I like something I don’t like. I do like domination but also being seriously degraded. I let a man do it and at the same time I really do not like it. I choose guys that way unconsciously....well now I often I think I can tell...it attracts me??
     
    havana19 likes this.
  4. Im into that too, but only in the form of porn, ive never practiced it in real life and i never will. The things i watch in porn i am sickened by and i would never treat a real woman that way regardless if it was consensual. I think regular porn use got me into deeper and deeper stuff, but i have had a turn on from it since i was a kid. Like the op said, if i saw a girl tied up in a movie or a cartoon, i would get turned on. And thats at a very young age. Recently i've not only cut back on frequency of porn use, but also the severity of it when i do relapse because i really don't like the things i started watching.
     
  5. Eternal Fire

    Eternal Fire Fapstronaut

    I am also into this stuff, but I know that following it and integrating it into my life would be very bad for me. I don't ever want to be merging the fantasies of porn in pixels with reality. If you do keep doing the soft stuff, I think the whole thing is just always going to be there in the back of your mind. You might take it too far one day and cause some kind of destruction, who knows...

    Well, I believe I can get rid of my fetish, because I know I wasn't born with it. I remember watching that type of stuff at a young age and I got curious, with instant access to that kind of stuff there are no boundaries. I've also thought about doing this with a future partner, and the thought of erasing my fetish seems scary because I'm so into it. But I know it's bad to embrace this sort of stuff because if you keep it around there will always be a chance of escalation into the stuff we wish we weren't into.
     
  6. Well said, thats how i feel. Its one thing to watch it (although i don't like that that i do that either) but practicing is a whole different thing.
     
    Eternal Fire likes this.
  7. ClaudeDuval

    ClaudeDuval Fapstronaut

    I have the same issue, having rough sex only, smacking, choking, etc. All the bdsm stuff... we even got into rape role play. Its just like any other addiction, it keeps escalating to more extremes. You just have to get off the addiction and detox.
     
  8. ukbritishbloke

    ukbritishbloke Fapstronaut

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    It sounds as though this *is* a fetish you'll always have (because you noticed it so young) but that has also been porn-escalated (because you say you've been "hooked" on bondage porn). But only you can find out, by fully rebooting. Once your brain is sorted out, you'll have a better idea of what you really want and need. The good news is that your wife's okay with some of this, so if it is a "real" fetish you needn't totally suppress it. There's a good chance even if it doesn't disappear it'll shrink back into proportion and work well with your wife.

    I agree, but the other way round. I think it's better all round to actually do bondage consensually in a relationship than to watch bondage porn, just as it's better to have sex than watch vanilla porn.

    I guess there are extreme types of porn where watching is less bad than doing, but I don't think bondage as a whole is in that really troubling category of sexual interest.
     
  9. STAR DUST

    STAR DUST Fapstronaut

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    No dungeon. Not the best idea but maybe open up the relationship for open experience with more willing women of course do only if wifey is on board. Get it in check because you want to keep your sexual expression as safe and healthy for your self and others as possible
     
  10. WasZeusWrong?

    WasZeusWrong? Fapstronaut

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    I wonder . . . would there be any value in talking about your more extreme interests with your wife? Not in a "We need to communicate about our relationship and and how to get our needs met" kind of way, but just as part of your lovemaking. As you've said, she's open to some things but not others. So could you just speak your fantasies? Like "I'd really like to do this to you" and "I'd really like it if you did this to me," but without any expectation that it'll really happen.

    I have no idea if it could work, but I'd love it if I had a partner who would allow me (and trust me) to say those kinds of things, just to try them out in a playful way. I tend to think that if we could express some of these fantasies -- just as fantasies -- as part of our tamer sexual experiences, we'd all be a lot more satisfied, but I just don't know. What I do know is that a porn addiction makes all of this more difficult and complicated, and that's why I have to be off of porn before trying out some potentially more satisfying outlets!
     

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