Help! Combo of brain and traumatic masturbatory syndrome killing off any chance of erection?

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by ontheroadat40, Sep 21, 2018.

  1. ontheroadat40

    ontheroadat40 Fapstronaut

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    It’s been encouraging reading the experiences of others who have recovered from PIED through NoFap. After relapsing after 2 months of NoFap I re-embarked on my NoFap journey two weeks ago but have great doubts about the results it is likely to yield for me, mainly because of my particular circumstances/journey so far. Hoping there may be folks here who can offer some kernels of wisdom.


    I am 40, married to a woman I truly love and am attracted to with whom I have 3 young kids, have multiple sclerosis (the relapsing remitting form which has left some residual numbness in one of my hands). Have had a lifelong porn addiction which has no doubt warped my brain and which I am now determined to get rid of. Another problem: I have only ever been able to achieve orgasm through traumatic masturbatory syndrome (TMS) (essentially lying on my front and grinding against my hand).


    A more recent problem is that in the past few years, even with porn I no longer get erections. At all. No matter how aroused I am. However, I am able to achieve orgasm with no erection through the TMS technique I mentioned above (was increasingly taking more and more time though). I still have a sex drive but can’t get or sustain an erection unless partaking in fantasy chat with my wife which we agreed to avoid during this reset period. Have not attempted masturbation at all since July.

    Used to put it all down to the multiple sclerosis but increasingly think it is related to PIED and TMS...

    Are there others here who have experienced no longer getting erections even when you are sexually aroused (either from porn or during an intimate encounter with their significant other)? This has been a problem that has gotten worse and worse over time. It’s almost like my brain no longer associates sexual arousal with the need for an erection.


    More importantly, is a reboot and avoiding any TMS likely to help with this??


    Feel like I am losing my mind because there have been occasions with my wife when I am genuinely aroused and wanting her but there is no action ‘down there’!
     
  2. Healed!

    Healed! Fapstronaut

    I
    t sounds to me like PIED and TMS. Try no PMO for 90 days or more and see if it helps.
     
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  3. ontheroadat40

    ontheroadat40 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks a lot, Unhooked. Am going to try a 90-day reset and see where it gets me.

    During the reset period is it still ok to engage in me giving her oral sex? Sorry to be graphic (!) but with young kids, any long drawn out touching/foreplay is next to impossible so it’s the only way we can be physically intimate at the moment.
     
  4. Healed!

    Healed! Fapstronaut

    Sex with your wife is good. It’s up to the two of you if you want to do regular mode (no PM; O only with wife) or monk mode (no PMO). Most married guys choose the former. Supposedly it takes a little longer, but still works.
     
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  5. ontheroadat40

    ontheroadat40 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for your helpful feedback, Unhooked!

    As a newbie it is at times a challenge trying to figure out what is permitted and what isn’t. Came across these wise and memorable words by someone else on here:

    “Do the things you want to do for the rest of your life, stop the ones you don’t.”

    I think that sums the position up very well!

    Thanks again for your input.
     
  6. Hi! Yes it sounds porn & masturbation related to me. Before I quit it all I was only able to O from masturbating myself a certain way. I did the same as you and used to make myself O without being physically aroused. Very bad. I am female but it's the same process. I stopped being able to get aroused even when I was crazy horny.

    Im 9 months into this now and I get nicely aroused. And I can O with my partner. It can take a long time to progress and it can be frustrating but stick with it! Trust the process, it does work. Best of luck to you :)
     
    ontheroadat40 likes this.
  7. Jason_Tesla_19

    Jason_Tesla_19 Fapstronaut

    It's fine to give her pleasure. The arousal for you might make it take a little longer, but it's good to wire to physical contact with a woman!
     
  8. ontheroadat40

    ontheroadat40 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you SpiritAnimal and Jason_Tesla_19 for your encouraging responses! I am now on day 22 of my reboot. From an earlier relapse I know the warning signs to watch out for when my old neural pathways are being re-engaged.

    Just hope it is not too late to save my marriage...
     
  9. You're doing really well and are on the right path, just keep it up :) and yes anything you can do for your wife is great. Real intimacy only! No artificial stimulous (porn, porn-subs, fantasy), no masturbation, then just give it time
     
    ontheroadat40 likes this.
  10. Deadlihood

    Deadlihood Fapstronaut

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    NoFap hard mode 4 life.
     
  11. ShutOut

    ShutOut Fapstronaut

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    Hey there. I used to masturbate prone as well against bedding and pillows. Definitely have experienced all the things that you have and it is terrible. However, it is reversible. I would suggest doing a full on hard mode reset for 90 days, and at least wait 30 before trying anything sexual with your wife. Having her there and her support is going to allow you to recover much better in my opinion. You want to be able to train your brains response to be turned on and achieve an erection through being intimate with a partner; not your hand and not people having sex on a screen. You will recover friend, follow the steps outlined for recovery and you will be back to your old self.

    Good luck.
     
    ontheroadat40 likes this.

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