Help , I feel hopeless I don't know what happend to me

Hi @Fdh112, being gay I'd say the good news are, being gay is ok and watching gay porn doesn't turn a straight guy gay I used to watch straight porn and I am still gay hehe. You are asking for advice. Well, here comes the bad news: You have to find a way to stop watching all porn. I mean literally all. And give your body and brain the time needed to recover and restore itself. And that takes time, physiologically. Do not underestimate that. It's not that we can watch porn, act out then decide to stop and expect to be ok 3 days later. It can take months for the hormones, the chemistry, the brain circuits to adapt. Meanwhile you will have attacks of craving, urges, fantasies trying to pull you back in. Don't go back. This is what I can give you at the moment. If you want let me know how this sounds to you. Stay strong and stay out of trouble.

 

At your age there is one thing you need:
Talking to your father!

 

Do you have any real conversations with your dad at all?

 

I'm sorry to hear that. I know how hard that is as I struggled with this questions myself.
But do you see a link between the emotional absence of your father and you struggling with your identity ?
You really should do some study on this area. At least I did and that gave me so much clearance for who I was in the depth. And that not a gay.

You have developed a fetish imo.
A normal healthy need has become sexualized. And porn is only fuel to reinforce this fetish.
It's time do dismantle that all and discover what your original need was.

 

Maybe you're overreacting. Two days isn't a long time. Maybe this doesn't mean much.
Can't tell, but I would suggest that you think about what happened recently that put you in such a crisis now. I mean, something that seems unrelated could trigger all these thoughts and behaviors that trouble you.

It's good advice to talk to someone. If it won't be your father, maybe somebody else who's trustworthy and more experienced in life than you are.

Gay, hetero, bi, addicted to porn ... - I wouldn't rush to conclusions. More important that you acknowledge what's happening in your life and find a direction in life. And give yourself some time!

Good luck

 

Oh that seems like a good idea. Difficult though, but a good hint.

 

In retrospective maybe you'll regret that. If you give in and look for help, support and communicate your issues maybe it will change your life for the better. Moreover, if you do this now, you can become the strong and independent man that you want to be, when you're older.
Be strong and give in!
(Not to temptations though )

 

I got hocd because I was lonely and quarantine. I wanted a gf before hocd started. Had one during quarantine. Got broken up with. Got deep into porn due to the quarantine. Looked at porn got deeper into the fetish side got bored with it. Got hocd.

 

Of course only you know exactly what happened in your life.
But I've done a lot of study about psychology, addictions and fetishes and based on that I really would like to advice to start some study to give you the necessary knowledge about parent/child relationships, attachment issues, coping mechanisms, survival tactics etc etc.

My opinion is that fear is the breading ground under an ocd or addiction.
Try to face that fear and I promise you the ocd, addiction and fetish will eliminate.
I always have had a very emotional distantly relationship with my father and I made very clear what kind of self destructing behavior that have caused into my life.
A son needs a father.
Without a father, a son will develop problems and all kind of unwanted behavior.

 

How about mother issues? Cause like my relationship with my mother isn't the best. Definitely not the worst. I see her more as a guardian over a mother if that makes sense.

 

Despite feeling same-sex attraction for the last two days, if everything was fine a year ago, then I wouldn't worry about it. I would, however, take this as a serious wake-up call to stop P in your life NOW and the twisting effect that it can continue to have on your mind and imagination if you don't cut out this shit right away. You can get back to the place you were before, but you need to stop feeding this new fetish behavior and reestablish normal sexual behavior/thinking, not twisted by PMO addiction. Get recovered from PMO now! Best wishes!

 

That indeed makes sense.

If that's how you understand my words, then yes. But that's not exactly what I tried to say.