It's just that I've had a lot of desire lately, but not only that, but I've also been wondering why I keep doing this, if in the end the desire to watch porn will never go away, what's the point then? Please remind me what happens when you relapse, the negative effects, or your stories
D
Deleted Account
Guest
I've relapsed once in the one moth that I have been doing this and I felt guilt all day after that. It was almost like I was hung over for the day. IT SUCKED!
Remember why you started to abstain from PMO in the first place. If your wife was the only reason, then look at this way: porn is a monster and its only goal is to destroy you. Don't let it win.
Remember why you started to abstain from PMO in the first place. If your wife was the only reason, then look at this way: porn is a monster and its only goal is to destroy you. Don't let it win.
Meshuga
Fapstronaut
Quitting is hard, and you don't usually do a hard thing right the first time so a reset isn't the end of the world. That said, the questions you're asking yourself are good ones. Why do you desire porn? Why isn't the desire going away?
Could be raw dopamine. If you replace the dopamine you'll be okay.
Could be a deeper psychological connection. At least one addiction expert says it's attachment. Some wires got crossed, and you addiction feels like a warm hug now, it's the only way you feel safe and complete, so if you're going to quit, you have to rewire. It's not going to be enough to quit porn, you're going to have to seek attachment in a healthier context. Otherwise you're always going to want porn, because human beings don't simply drop the need to attach.
Regardless, if you reset now you're delaying your recovery. Put your phone down, get off the Internet, and do something active to distract your brain. Run, lift, do 200 pushups, listen to some heavy metal of you can do that without a device. Dang ol' kids, I didn't even grow up with mp3s or CDs, back in my day we listened to Iron Maiden on cassette tapes. Now it's all streaming, and you can't listen to your jams about immigrants and marauding Native Americans without being plugged into a device that also offers unlimited smut. What a world we live in.
Could be raw dopamine. If you replace the dopamine you'll be okay.
Could be a deeper psychological connection. At least one addiction expert says it's attachment. Some wires got crossed, and you addiction feels like a warm hug now, it's the only way you feel safe and complete, so if you're going to quit, you have to rewire. It's not going to be enough to quit porn, you're going to have to seek attachment in a healthier context. Otherwise you're always going to want porn, because human beings don't simply drop the need to attach.
Regardless, if you reset now you're delaying your recovery. Put your phone down, get off the Internet, and do something active to distract your brain. Run, lift, do 200 pushups, listen to some heavy metal of you can do that without a device. Dang ol' kids, I didn't even grow up with mp3s or CDs, back in my day we listened to Iron Maiden on cassette tapes. Now it's all streaming, and you can't listen to your jams about immigrants and marauding Native Americans without being plugged into a device that also offers unlimited smut. What a world we live in.
WelcomeToReality
Fapstronaut
Hey teomio, let's cut through the fluff. You're caught in a loop, my friend. It's like craving a slice of cake knowing it's gonna make you feel lousy afterward. But here's the twist: every time you reach for that 'slice of porn', you're not just numbing yourself temporarily; you're actually digging yourself deeper into this pit. It's a classic trap. You think it's an escape, but it's more like quicksand.
Now, let's talk about this 'desire' you mentioned. You know why it's so persistent? Because your brain's been tricked into thinking that porn is like a life jacket in an ocean of problems. But guess what? It's more like a lead weight. Each time you indulge, you're teaching your brain a twisted version of reality. Imagine your brain is like a sponge, but instead of soaking up water, it's soaking up a warped idea of intimacy and connection.
And those negative effects of relapsing? Oh boy, where do I start? It's like taking one step forward and three steps back. Every time you give in, you're not just resetting the clock; you're also reinforcing the chains of addiction. Your world shrinks, your real skills for genuine intimacy get rusty, and you're left with a distorted view of relationships. It's a cycle of loneliness, craving, brief relief, and then deeper loneliness.
So, what's the point? The point is to break free, to see the bigger picture. Every moment you resist, you're not just avoiding porn; you're actively rewiring your brain, expanding your world, and opening doors to real connections and experiences. It's tough, sure, but it's about choosing reality over illusion, genuine relationships over pixels. It's about reclaiming your life, one day at a time. Stay strong, and remember, every step away from porn is a step towards freedom
It may seem that way, but it actually does go away. I'm living proof of that. I was addicted to P just as much as everyone on NoFap but I eventually broke free about 14 years ago and about 12 years ago I stopped desiring to look at porn. Today, porn never crosses my mind, at all. Its not enticing at all. It takes time, but healing IS possible. The only way to break free is to resist the urge to give in. Eventually, your brain does rewire itself.
thank you man, I'm very glad I didn't relapse that day I wrote this. Now I was feeling better, but reading you inspired me much more.
finally some hope, I was getting frustrated reading that everyone says it would never go away, I really thought I was lost, thank you very much
reboot_1987
New Fapstronaut
Ok, this is going to be f'ng long, but just know I'm genuinely wanting to help/share in my own way.
I think that at times (not always) it comes down to understanding what is making the brain want this feeling. I like to think of trying to place myself in two planes. One part of me that wants to act out. This part is either reacting to a trigger or learned behavior (stress, smell, thought, whatever), mostly driven by emotion, or it simply WANTS that thing because it has been trained to get when it wants without a whole lot of consequence. The other plane is logical and wants to break down what is happening to the dude (me) that is reaaally fantasizing away on the ritual of doing the thing.
I would like to add that I am on only day 3 of rebooting. My longest reboot is 9 days (just last week
) and I have 25 years of sometimes regret, shame, and frustration due to PMO. I do remind myself that I have done good things within that time span, but because of the emotional plane I defined at top I tend to end up thinking about the bad and act out. One last thing, I was diagnosed with ADHD about 13 years ago. I only see this as a circumstance and actually helpful. This is not a pass why I do what I do. I have a responsibility to be good to myself.
Prior to my first reboot I cannot tell you when I had not PMO'ed for those 25 years.
I believe that for me PMO ends up being the final result of an underlying response to a set of conditions I grouped together a long time ago. I only have 3 main definitions, but I think there might be a couple more or nuances within the first three:
1. Generally bored and looking for something to put my mind to -
At the end of the day, for me, it is a matter of finding peace within my own mind. I've spent a lot of hours trying to figure myself out, Sometimes that's the problem, but I know I can nerd myself out and can do it. I know you can do it.
I hope this helps you. Thank you for allowing me to share with you.
I think that at times (not always) it comes down to understanding what is making the brain want this feeling. I like to think of trying to place myself in two planes. One part of me that wants to act out. This part is either reacting to a trigger or learned behavior (stress, smell, thought, whatever), mostly driven by emotion, or it simply WANTS that thing because it has been trained to get when it wants without a whole lot of consequence. The other plane is logical and wants to break down what is happening to the dude (me) that is reaaally fantasizing away on the ritual of doing the thing.
I would like to add that I am on only day 3 of rebooting. My longest reboot is 9 days (just last week
) and I have 25 years of sometimes regret, shame, and frustration due to PMO. I do remind myself that I have done good things within that time span, but because of the emotional plane I defined at top I tend to end up thinking about the bad and act out. One last thing, I was diagnosed with ADHD about 13 years ago. I only see this as a circumstance and actually helpful. This is not a pass why I do what I do. I have a responsibility to be good to myself.Prior to my first reboot I cannot tell you when I had not PMO'ed for those 25 years.
I believe that for me PMO ends up being the final result of an underlying response to a set of conditions I grouped together a long time ago. I only have 3 main definitions, but I think there might be a couple more or nuances within the first three:
1. Generally bored and looking for something to put my mind to -
I define this as seeking NOVELTY. I'm really just bored with projects, work, everyday life, routine. I'm looking to spend some time somewhere other than my everyday life. By the way, Dopamine Nation does a good job on helping shed a little light on seeking novelty. Overall everyday is a little dull, let's get some spiciness up in here!
2. I cannot focus on one important thing -
When I'm not able to find focus I tend to then want to look at EVERYTHING I'm working on or I'm supposed to do within a day. I make everything a priority, everything is important and it almost feel like sensory overload. I end up giving up. I might make some progress, but I have to really manage myself. It is exhausting!
3. Feeling anxious because I have not made progress on things -
You can see where things go from here. This one tends to hit at my core because it makes me feel like no matter what I tell myself I always know I'm my worst enemy. It really hurts me and my confidence because it makes me feel is not even the universe that is against me, IT'S ME 
I'd like to think that if I define these things and work on naming them, think about possible solutions, and set some non-negotiables I might have a shot at allowing myself more time. Find the space between the rush of wanting something and putting space between me and it. Of allowing yourself to move on without judgement and find peace in that process.
At the end of the day, for me, it is a matter of finding peace within my own mind. I've spent a lot of hours trying to figure myself out, Sometimes that's the problem, but I know I can nerd myself out and can do it. I know you can do it.
I hope this helps you. Thank you for allowing me to share with you.
Thanks for this. I have been diagnosed with ADHD as well and what you wrote really resonates with my experience as well. I actually started a group here on NoFap for people with ADHD. You’re welcome to join if you’d like to.Ok, this is going to be f'ng long, but just know I'm genuinely wanting to help/share in my own way.
I think that at times (not always) it comes down to understanding what is making the brain want this feeling. I like to think of trying to place myself in two planes. One part of me that wants to act out. This part is either reacting to a trigger or learned behavior (stress, smell, thought, whatever), mostly driven by emotion, or it simply WANTS that thing because it has been trained to get when it wants without a whole lot of consequence. The other plane is logical and wants to break down what is happening to the dude (me) that is reaaally fantasizing away on the ritual of doing the thing.
I would like to add that I am on only day 3 of rebooting. My longest reboot is 9 days (just last week
Prior to my first reboot I cannot tell you when I had not PMO'ed for those 25 years.
I believe that for me PMO ends up being the final result of an underlying response to a set of conditions I grouped together a long time ago. I only have 3 main definitions, but I think there might be a couple more or nuances within the first three:
1. Generally bored and looking for something to put my mind to -
I define this as seeking NOVELTY. I'm really just bored with projects, work, everyday life, routine. I'm looking to spend some time somewhere other than my everyday life. By the way, Dopamine Nation does a good job on helping shed a little light on seeking novelty. Overall everyday is a little dull, let's get some spiciness up in here!2. I cannot focus on one important thing -
When I'm not able to find focus I tend to then want to look at EVERYTHING I'm working on or I'm supposed to do within a day. I make everything a priority, everything is important and it almost feel like sensory overload. I end up giving up. I might make some progress, but I have to really manage myself. It is exhausting!3. Feeling anxious because I have not made progress on things -
You can see where things go from here. This one tends to hit at my core because it makes me feel like no matter what I tell myself I always know I'm my worst enemy. It really hurts me and my confidence because it makes me feel is not even the universe that is against me, IT'S MEI'd like to think that if I define these things and work on naming them, think about possible solutions, and set some non-negotiables I might have a shot at allowing myself more time. Find the space between the rush of wanting something and putting space between me and it. Of allowing yourself to move on without judgement and find peace in that process.
At the end of the day, for me, it is a matter of finding peace within my own mind. I've spent a lot of hours trying to figure myself out, Sometimes that's the problem, but I know I can nerd myself out and can do it. I know you can do it.
I hope this helps you. Thank you for allowing me to share with you.
https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?groups/fapstronauts-with-adhd.90/forums
Novelty has been a big problem for me. I think it’s why I’ve ventured into fetishes. Trying to live a more interesting and exciting life has been difficult for me. But I’m not giving up. I have a few new hobbies that are keeping my mind occupied / hyperfocused.
Take care! Also, welcome to NoFap!
reboot_1987
New Fapstronaut
This is great. Thank you for sharing.