Help! I need insight!

This morning while I was having coffee with my boyfriend, I told him that I signed up with nofap and I was excited to discuss all the articles I've been reading on yourbrainonporn (website). I haven't even began to talk about why I've been on these forums and out of nowhere, he abruptly snapped at me and says, "I don't know how you can wake up in the morning and just start talking about all that because I can't." He seemed upset and made it obvious that he didn't want to talk about it anymore. I was baffled because I wasn't confessing anything on my behalf (yet) and I wasn't hinting anything toward him (something he thinks I always do). In the past, I used to project my behavior onto him and I always accused him of PMO because I had issues with it. He struggled with it in the past before he met me (so he says) although I never caught him. But considering how much of a sensitive issue this is for me, I have doubts that he is as clean as he says he is because I know how much I suffer. But like I said, this morning he reacted like that out of nowhere and I'm not sure what it could mean.

My paranoid mind says that he feels guilty and doesn't want me to figure out that he has a problem but I know he's most likely going to claim otherwise. He isn't very expressive and it takes a lot of waiting around to get him to release his feelings. I, on the other hand, thrive on conversation and connection because it helps me process. I'm not sure what to make of his reaction. He was on his way to work so I didn't have a chance to ask him why he felt like that. We parted with each other feeling tense. We share a car and live together so we usually ride along with each other on the way to work but today I stood behind because I felt discouraged from engaging. I have the day off so I abruptly told him that I would see him later. I reassured him with a hug and kiss that I loved him but it was obvious that I was put off by his reaction. I'm so confused why he would react like that.

Because I know him enough, I'm guessing he feels annoyed by this topic because he assumes that I'm employing some covert operation to find out he's been lying this whole time about not having PMO issues. Or, he feels ashamed of his PMO issues and therefore, reacted defensively. This isn't the first time he reacted like this. In the past, he would dodge any conversation about his sexual history or mine. He also hates it when I bring up how much my married male colleagues flirt with other women because he claims that he feels overwhelmed by "negative topics" and he doesn't like to fill the air with contempt "because it leads nowhere". He sees discussion as tedious, provocative, and unproductive because he thinks it just leads to more dwelling. What do you all make of his reaction?

 

Thank you for your reply. I've never been diagnosed before but I'm sure that I have anxiety and it makes me ramble streams of consciousness whenever I feel guilty/nervous/desperate. Maybe I was overloading him this morning.

 

My guilty tendencies make me feel like everyone is a deceptive fapper. Between my boyfriend and I, I feel like I'm the one with the problem because I'm the one obsessed with this topic. I'm constantly talking about it and researching it. He never brings it up. I can only assume he's hiding something because I'm projecting. It's a classic cowardly example of a guilty person pegging another person until someone brave confesses their shame. My guilt makes me feel lost.

 

Thank you for your input. I get blinded by my emotions and I react rather than respond when it comes to my relationship. I really needed to hear objective input. I feel relieved!