TheHealing94
Fapstronaut
Hey guys, I'm 24 years old, I live in Cape Town, South Africa and I'm heavily addicted to porn.
I can't go a whole day without watching porn and masturbating at least once, but often it can be as many as five times. I spent the majority of my undergraduate degree locked away in my room wasting time on these awful images: images that are irresistibly stimulating during viewing and masturbation, but prove shockingly disgusting after orgasm. I fear for how they have rewired my brain to view women and sex. Women are completely objectified in [most] porn, and it encourages instant satisfaction and uninhibited desire. I consider myself a feminist. I am an intelligent person with a lot of potential. But porn is ruining me. I have wasted so much time on it. I go out three times a week to take home anyone who's willing. I have lost any and all drive toward my academics and my goals of a career.
Last year, I cheated on my amazing girlfriend, twice. She's the most beautiful and kindest human being I've ever met. We're not together anymore because I moved across the country but we still chat and we're still friends. Sometimes the guilt of what I did weighs so heavily on me, that I can barely carry on with my day and be productive. To feel better about it - and, indeed, any unhappiness or grievance - I watch porn. It shoots my mood up while watching, then makes it come crashing down when I've finished.
I've always thought (even years before I lost my virginity) that sex is important and something I want a lot of in my life. Even in committing to Nofap, I still want to have sex, just not watch porn and masturbate. Is that okay?
I feel as if I have wasted countless hours and days of my youth on this harmful material, that I've permanently rewired my brain and my view of women, that I've lost so much time in which I could have grown and dominated my degree and I feel as if I've lost the love of my life because I cheated and couldn't bear to tell her, and so quietly slunk away to another university across the country.
Additionally, data costs are huge here in SA. And so, I have spent a vast amount of my parents money on porn, which adds to the guilt. I am filled with guilt and self-hatred all the time. I tell myself it's because I'm a little out of shape, or because I'm not working hard enough, or because I'm no closer to a career than I was when I was 18. But the awful truth is staring me right in the face: the root cause is porn.
I feel as if I've betrayed the bright-eyed, optimistic, morally-upstanding, kind and caring little boy I was. He had so many hopes for who I would be now and I've let him down the most.
I need help, guys. Please, help me get my life back?
I can't go a whole day without watching porn and masturbating at least once, but often it can be as many as five times. I spent the majority of my undergraduate degree locked away in my room wasting time on these awful images: images that are irresistibly stimulating during viewing and masturbation, but prove shockingly disgusting after orgasm. I fear for how they have rewired my brain to view women and sex. Women are completely objectified in [most] porn, and it encourages instant satisfaction and uninhibited desire. I consider myself a feminist. I am an intelligent person with a lot of potential. But porn is ruining me. I have wasted so much time on it. I go out three times a week to take home anyone who's willing. I have lost any and all drive toward my academics and my goals of a career.
Last year, I cheated on my amazing girlfriend, twice. She's the most beautiful and kindest human being I've ever met. We're not together anymore because I moved across the country but we still chat and we're still friends. Sometimes the guilt of what I did weighs so heavily on me, that I can barely carry on with my day and be productive. To feel better about it - and, indeed, any unhappiness or grievance - I watch porn. It shoots my mood up while watching, then makes it come crashing down when I've finished.
I've always thought (even years before I lost my virginity) that sex is important and something I want a lot of in my life. Even in committing to Nofap, I still want to have sex, just not watch porn and masturbate. Is that okay?
I feel as if I have wasted countless hours and days of my youth on this harmful material, that I've permanently rewired my brain and my view of women, that I've lost so much time in which I could have grown and dominated my degree and I feel as if I've lost the love of my life because I cheated and couldn't bear to tell her, and so quietly slunk away to another university across the country.
Additionally, data costs are huge here in SA. And so, I have spent a vast amount of my parents money on porn, which adds to the guilt. I am filled with guilt and self-hatred all the time. I tell myself it's because I'm a little out of shape, or because I'm not working hard enough, or because I'm no closer to a career than I was when I was 18. But the awful truth is staring me right in the face: the root cause is porn.
I feel as if I've betrayed the bright-eyed, optimistic, morally-upstanding, kind and caring little boy I was. He had so many hopes for who I would be now and I've let him down the most.
I need help, guys. Please, help me get my life back?
