Help: My gf no longer finds me attractive

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by ironmaing, Aug 12, 2019.

  1. SaveTheSeedofLife

    SaveTheSeedofLife Fapstronaut

    108
    298
    63
    Your right Quinn and you nailed it!, great advice. Dude, move on she just using you on top of that I believe she also has a mental disorder, not trying to be mean, but its possible she is Bipolar. I would suggest you let her know to seek help. Usually when someone is really depressed they can not make right choices and everything is a blurr, the norm would be she would stick with you but she wants to go and meet other men which seems she has a maniac phase also. I am not a doctor but I have seen this couple times with my friends and it always leads to that condition. DO NOT tell her she is Bipolar, let her go to the doc if she chooses and let her tell you what the doctor found. If that is the case bro, I am sorry for both, its not a great place to be cause in part its not her fault either her mind is not in the right place and is not capable to understand certain things. But if she can't love you regardless of her mental state, she is not for you. Plenty fish in the sea. YOu guys can still be friends but you would need break, distance to give your self time to heal and move on and then you can see the whole picture and remain friends and give her help with limits of course when she needs it without F*ckin up any new relationship you might have. ( jealousy) but I suspect she might going through a mental disorder and its gonna get worse as she age or doesn't get medicated. Sorry bro I hope I am wrong.
     
  2. QuittingPMOforever

    QuittingPMOforever Fapstronaut

    11
    77
    13
    Someone found themselves described in my post xD you are old grandmother. This is not my job, it is scientific study job
     
  3. ironmaing

    ironmaing Fapstronaut

    216
    226
    43
    There are a lot of smart people on this thread. I was hoping someone could answer the missing piece, why am I getting semi erections but no full erections? It seems like I’m incapable of getting 100% erections. Even with full on stimulation from a BJ I only get to about 70%. I tried gentle and real fantasy MO (imagining sex with gf) and got to about 80%.

    Apart from all the drama with the gf, this is extremely frustrating. Feel like I’m so close...
     
  4. QuittingPMOforever

    QuittingPMOforever Fapstronaut

    11
    77
    13
    It can be P, it can be exsessive masturbation, it can be low testosterone

    Average testosterone of man in todays times is 300 and something, 50 years ago average testosterone was 500 and something, there are also a lot of more benefits of high testosterone, better mood, more energy, better sleep, better memory, longer life

    You can increase testosterone naturally in meny ways:

    Excercise (dont too much, it will put stress on body and actually reduce testosterone)
    Eat healthy, avoid junk food, meat and sugar, i know some of those foods can be addictive especially sugar, you can become healthy eating step by step, if you are used to eating something every day which contains sugar only if you eliminate that your testosterone will immidiately jump on higher levels

    -Sleep enough (at least 7 hours)
    -Expose yourself to the sunlight (be careful to not burn if you are not used to sunlight) 30 minutes a day is more then enough
    -Cold showers
    - Reduce stress, relax, meditate

    For all those factors it proven they increase testosterone, and final and BIGGEST factor which most increaces testosterone is fasting 16 hours a day, if you can make all this lifestyle changes your testosterone will change drastically after 8 weeks, but too much testosterone can also be dangerous so be careful

    What can also affect errection is too much anxiety and worrying will you get errection or not, change mindset, dont give it too much attention, have a good time and everything will be fine
     
    Last edited: Aug 22, 2019
  5. ironmaing

    ironmaing Fapstronaut

    216
    226
    43
    I’m actually doing all these things. Did a blood test, hormones seem to be ok. I live a healthy life. Think the issue is that I need to rewire the brain to real women and let my dopamine receptors recover naturally. I’ve always wanted medicine or supplement to help speed it up, but so far it’s been a waste of time and money.

    It’s just strange how my ED got so bad since February this year, before that getting an erection was still conceivable. Now I’m worried to even try. Think pressure and anxiety is definitely a contributing factor. Gfs mood swings don’t help in that respect.
     
  6. QuittingPMOforever

    QuittingPMOforever Fapstronaut

    11
    77
    13
    Too much nicotine or coffeine can also affect errection, i dont know about coffeine but i am 100% sure too much smoking can
     
  7. ironmaing

    ironmaing Fapstronaut

    216
    226
    43
    Don’t smoke and drink decaffeinated coffee. I’m literally doing everything right and still can’t get a ffff erection. woke up with a morning boner, so according to Urologist there’s nothing physically wrong. It seems that psychologically I’m a mess. Which I would’ve started nofap in January, I didn’t have such bad ED problems. This got so much worse in the past months.
     
  8. Lilla_My

    Lilla_My Fapstronaut

    427
    1,078
    123
    Coffee has a lot of benefits too, if you enjoy regular coffee there shouldn't be a reason for you not to have it. Decaffeinated beverages can loose a lot of their health benefits due to high processing.

    Hang in there, the erections get a lot worse before they get better! And when they get good, they get really good.
     
  9. ironmaing

    ironmaing Fapstronaut

    216
    226
    43
    So latest in the drama. She admitted yesterday that she slept with some guy a few months ago. It meant nothing and was so underwhelming that she stopped pursuing it. She said I need to change how I view sex. It’s a biological need and nothing else. She doesn’t care so why should I.

    She needs me to have sex with other women. She says that I need to rewire and that for her my ED makes her feel really frustrated. I’ll do it, why not. But might see an escort first (In my county escort services are legal and regulated).

    Not getting any spontaneous elections but seeing lots of benefit from this nofap. I’ve been gently MOing every few days. I do take about 2 mins to get hard and the erection varies from 70% to 100% so not super reliable. Though when I envision sex with my gf I get to 100% quicker. I feel like I’m much better than before but still not confident in my boners...maybe time spent with escort would help.
     
  10. need4realchg

    need4realchg Fapstronaut

    Your emotions are probably going to go haywire ...

    I could imagine the urges are going to increase 10 fold.

    How are you feeling ?
     
  11. ironmaing

    ironmaing Fapstronaut

    216
    226
    43
    Feeling confused right now. Issue is that I’ve been with many women, I think close to 20. And she had only been with like 2 dudes. So I must understand that she should enjoy sex especially when I can’t give it to her.

    It’s ffff hard to deal with it as thoughts come in about her sleeping with other guys and it’s not fun. I hate porn for what it has done to me. I’ll never do it again. I have urges to have sex but can’t deliver on them which boosts frustration.

    Can’t focus on anything else today.

    She wants to book some flights in October so acting as if nothing happened. I need to learn to not care. If she doesn’t care about it and it was meaningless, why the fff should I care?
     
    need4realchg likes this.
  12. TheMightyQuinn

    TheMightyQuinn Fapstronaut

    That's certainly not how I view sex. If you share her views of nihilism around sex, fine, but if you don't, why are you still with her? Do you have these thoughts:

    - if I break up with her, she will be in financial ruin so I can't do that, at least right now
    - if I break up with her, she will emotionally fall apart so I can't do that at least right now

    Her financial and emotional problems are her problems, not yours. She's fucking other guys. She only stopped fucking the guy because it was "underwhelming". Had it been overwhelming, she'd probably still be doing it. I don't see one ounce of betrayal trauma in her. She really doesn't give a damn about your porn use. You're not married, you don't owe her anything. I know for me the only correct move would be breaking up with her and I'd probably give her the finger on the way out the door.

    You keep worrying about your dick when you need to be worrying about your heart and mind. If your story isn't one of grave codependency, then, well, I don't think I know what codependency is.

    I'm going to unsubscribe from this thread because I've done my bit for king and country. If you have questions about codependency, feel free to message me.

    Peace,
    -Quinn
     
    Last edited: Aug 26, 2019
  13. ifthecoppertubes

    ifthecoppertubes Fapstronaut

    48
    41
    18
    As a reader of this thread, I thank you for your very instructive input.
    I learnt a lot !
    Your diagnostic and recommendations are crystal clear.

    After all the help you gave, this thread has become kind of a "VCR question" (from Mark Manson's 'Subtle art of not giving a fuck').

    Thanks again
     
  14. MisterDirection

    MisterDirection Fapstronaut

    175
    269
    63
    I mean no disrespect but if she is telling you one moment that you mean the world to her and thenthat you both should explore other avenues???

    This relationship is broken and irreparable if she is suggesting this. Those avenues are not a course of reconciliation.

    Maybe she is not secure in her space or resources and is wanting out but not able and is trying to see other people whe still having security with you. Or maybe there is already someone else and she is having feelings of guilt that you are work in g towards her.

    No judgement either way. But this relationship needs outside help, but I dont see a way back to center in my limited experience
     
  15. MisterDirection

    MisterDirection Fapstronaut

    175
    269
    63
    Just saw the rest of this thread...

    Work on you and move forward
     
  16. l0stinth3fir3

    l0stinth3fir3 Fapstronaut

    17
    7
    3
    So she acknowledges you dont view sex that way but she decided to do it anyways? Put yourself in the shoes of an outsider and view it that way. Its fucked and the relationship wont ever be the same.
     
  17. 2974629562994628

    2974629562994628 Fapstronaut

    As for your half erections etc. Most likely a combination of a lot of things:

    1. Bad diet (eg. loads of meat, fat, bad blood flow foods).
    2. Guilt and subconscious blocking from feeling like you failed your partner is preventing you from getting hard as a defence mechanism.
    3. Lack of exercise and low blood pressure.
    4. A loss of your main source of erections (porn).
    5. A need to evolve past your weaker and lower quality material that got you turned on and a necessity for something more real and loving.

    As for your partner. Nothing I can say on top of what was brilliantly said by Quinn and others. This woman is selfish and abusive and doesn't know how to be supportive. All you need to do is decide you're worth more effort than she is willing to put in and break it off. There a dozens of women who don't judge men on their ability to just maintain an erection at will.

    Sounds like this girl is going to have a bad menopause and even worse time when her future partner gets age induced ED.
     

Share This Page