Help needed

This is my first post here. I admitted to myself that I was an addict 2 weeks ago.

So many of the stories on here have rung true to me. I have a good job, an amazing wife and two lovely kids. Yet any time I spend alone I am overwhelmed by an urge to PMO. Once I start all the boundaries go out the window, my brain empties and I only come back to reality when I have finished. I have alot of responsibilities and have used PMO as a way of escaping them. Thing is they don't go away, they just build up. I am failing at my job, failing at being a husband and failing at being a father. I also got very depressed and anxious at the end of last year, something I was able to beat with the help and understanding of my wife, but I kept the true cause (the PMO) from her. This means that she only knows part of me. I want her to know all of me. Either I have to share the PMO with her - the number of hours I have stayed at my computer 'working' while she goes to sleep, the times I have been at home 'doing jobs' while she takes the kids out. also the number of people I have cybercheated on her with. I can't share the PMO with her so I need to get rid of it. Only then will she know all of me and I owe that much to her.

I have tried so many times before, I can usually last a few days, then start again with the MO, then start P - convincing myself I can stick to 15 mins of vanilla, but within days it escalates to the long hours of trawling and chatting. Life is too short for this.

I have proven to myself multiple times that I can't do this alone. So here it is... a plea for help.

 

Thanks mate. I honestly thought I was the only person in the world who did this. Its good to know I'm not alone.
And you have hit the nail on the head with the free time. I literally can't spend any time on my own without thinking about PMO, usually I dont even think about it I just do it. Ive been on my own this evening and for the first time in a very long time I have done something else - I cooked a chicken broth from scratch. tastes pretty good too.

 

My chicken broth is gonna get better and better! Its easy to say it but I have to be able to actually do it or I'll lose everything important to me.
And btw you are the first person I have ever talked about my PMO problem with in 22 years.