Help on attracting the attention of the girl that I like

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by darkgod, Jul 21, 2020.

  1. darkgod

    darkgod New Fapstronaut

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    Hi everyone
    I'm struggling to confess to a girl that I had feeling for 4years now .we are at the same highschool ,but now we are about to graduate and go on our separate ways .every time I try to tell her I just get discouraged and tell my self that she'll never date a guy like me ,that I'm not enough for her .I would really appreciate you help on this topic !!
     
  2. You just gotta go for what you want bro. The feeling of rejection is 100X better than the feeling of regret and wondering what if
     
  3. Relax. Stop thinking about worst case scenarios. Stop telling yourself how important it is you succeed (even if it is stress is doing you no favors). Be playful and daring. Have fun.
     
  4. 100% this OP
     
  5. Pull her aside and talk to her my friend. You'll never know how she feels unless you don't try. I've had to many situations where I just let a girl go. I mean most woman I found online were interested in me and we dated after a week or two. But Woman in real life are more tricky and take effort. She will appreciate you either way if you tell her how it is.

    Man! You are still young thinking these negative statements will make it less likely to happen. I remember I would always fantasize about being with a woman that I would never get to the point or make it so.
     
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  6. p1n1983

    p1n1983 Fapstronaut

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    Never confess your fellings to her. You barely know her, you never went out with her on a date, you don't really know if you like to spend time with her as a date. she could be boring or dislike everything you like to do. She could be a little weirdo or crazy. You are just attracted to her, you made a high idealization of her after liking her for 4 years.
    Girls love confident guys, if she is attracted to you but if she figures out you feel that you don't deserve her, eventually she is going to agree with you and loose all interest in you. Take her out of that pedestal you put her, she is a human been like all of us with a lot of good and bad things, she is just pretty, nothing else.

    My advice, just go talk to her and ask her out in the evening. If she likes you back she is going to make it easy to set a date, if not she is going to reject you really kindly telling you she had a boyfriend or she is not ready yet for dating or she is so busy with exams to date. Woman are emotional beens, they are not going to hurt your feelings, so never fear rejection. Be glad that you had the balls to ask her out.
     
  7. Rev2.0

    Rev2.0 Fapstronaut

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    Every girl I ever spilled my feelings to, I lost. But the ones who never truly knew how I felt about them would have done anything for me. It seems exactly backwards but that's how it works.

    The only time you should come clean is if you've been hanging out, you make some moves to get physical and she gives you the Lets just be friends line. At that point if you're really into her you say, I'm attracted to you as more that that so friends isn't gonna work for me... and walk. It takes a ton of balls to do that and millions of men are in the friendzone because they can't or won't, but it's the only chance you have that she changes her mind. Seriously.
     
    Last edited: Jul 22, 2020
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  8. Di.Do.555

    Di.Do.555 Fapstronaut

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    Bro. I will give u an advice and i hope u don't get offended.
    You shouldn't talk to any girl until u fix your self esteem.
    Believe me , once u adopt a healthy self esteem, this girl might not be your type any more.
    And even by fluke you get this girl , you won't be able to keep her.
    Girls like confident men who are willing to dominate when they are asked to.
     
  9. Hard disagree. Waiting till you're "good enough" is a terrible idea. Hesitation on your part will only lead to someone else getting her first. That other guy might "deserve" her even less than you. Don't doubt yourself, just go for it now and do not fear.
     
  10. Ask her if she wants to get a coffee or something. Truth is, even if you have liked her that long, chances are you're gonna end up with someone else anyway (and someone better too). The best laid plans go to waste so ask her on a casual date or don't. No harm will come of it either way really :).
     
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  11. Agree
     
  12. skibum71

    skibum71 Fapstronaut

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    Hmmm. You have the hots for her, i think if she had the hots for you, after 4 years, you would know about it. Having said that - its always better to try, and risk failure, than not to try, for fear of failure. Always.
     
  13. HornyChang

    HornyChang Fapstronaut

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    I agree with Di.Do, if you arent confident in yourself how you gonna hold a convo, flirt, and have fun. You are just gonna be nervous and afraid to do things if you dont understand that woman attraction starts with yourself. You might be able to get the girl temporarily but the tower will crumble if you dont have a good foundation.
     
  14. Zarkh

    Zarkh Fapstronaut

    Just approach her and ask her out. It's not going to be the end of the world if she rejects you. Besides the feeling of regret is greater than the feeling of rejection.
     
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  15. Fullyawake

    Fullyawake Fapstronaut

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    I was emailing a girl about three months ago but she stopped replying. I’m going to try to reach out again, with a short message. Screw it. I have nothing to lose.
     
  16. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    The reason it's been 4 years with no action on your part is because you've placed an excessive amount of importance on having a positive experience with her and you're heavily resisting the possibility of a negative experience. You've waited around for a guarantee that doesn't exist and will never come. You've waited to be ready or to be good enough, but that only reinforced the belief that you're not ready and not good enough. You've been playing not to lose. Where you don't lose anything, but you don't win anything either. You just stay safe and comfortable. Where nothing happens. No negative experiences, but also no positive experiences. That's escapism. That's avoiding reality. You're resisting the reality where things might or might not work out in your favor. The reality that has no guarantees. That scares you. Avoiding taking action is your way of coping with this harsh reality. If you aren't seen or heard, then maybe you won't get hurt.

    If you want the chance of attracting her, then you have to embrace the fact that there's a possibility that you won't be attractive to her. Your ability to deal with the unknown, uncertain, unideal, and uncomfortable tension or risks of life correlates with how much success in relationships you'll have. The people who see the most success in relationships are those that are comfortable with mistakes / failure / rejection / getting hurt / emotional volatility / uncertainty / discomfort.

    If you're unable to handle the tension of going for what you want / dealing with problems / being around her energy / taking risks / facing adversity, then how is she or anyone else going to be able to depend or trust you?

    The problem is not this situation with this particular person. The problem is your relationship to reality / discomfort / tension / rejection / uncertainty.

    You trying to control the things outside of your control is what's causing you anxiety and procrastination. It's what caused the last 4 years of playing not to lose where nothing happened. It's a fantasy world where negative experiences don't happen and where you're holding on for guarantees that she will absolutely be attracted to you. It doesn't exist.

    Even if you get what you want. Even if you go on a few dates together. Even if you two end up getting married with children in a house. There's still no guarantee that she will stay with you. People change. Interests change. Divorces and breakups happen. People die. Shit happens. Life happens. Change happens. You trying to seek comfort and completion is rejecting that reality. Rejecting that reality causes you to escape the one thing you know you want to do (talk to her and go for what you want).

    Despite risking everything, ultimately you risk nothing. It's only your ability to handle tension determines how much risk you're willing to take in life. How much you're willing to play to win. How much you're willing to allow the possibilities of negative experiences which allows for more positive experiences.

    Developing this thought, feeling, behavior is way more important than your 4 year crush on this girl.
     
  17. ahighertruth

    ahighertruth Fapstronaut

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    500 days of NoFap you should been known how to do this. Go up to her and say "Hey I really like you and wanted to know if you wanted to hang out over the summer". She says no then you go about your day, she says yes then you just achieved a huge milestone. Unless you have some kind of social anxiety which is becoming worse from PMO, I think you are fully capable of doing this. At the end of the day if you just don't do anything about it then you will always regret it.
     
  18. ahighertruth

    ahighertruth Fapstronaut

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    I feel like you both are right. On one hand if you don't have self esteem she will reject you, on the other hand if you don't approach you never know. Obviously its better to approach then not too, but working on your self esteem is much more likely to be a success.
     
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  19. Itsmenayana

    Itsmenayana Fapstronaut

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    Keep your feelings aside, never follow girls, have you completed nofap for 90 days, if yes, u understand my statement & girls will defnetly follow you. Pls reply back, see u
     
  20. Caliami14

    Caliami14 Fapstronaut

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    Honestly bro, just go for it, speak to her in person or message her. Like you won’t lose anything at all, and plus the worst she’s going to say is no. Just don’t overthink it too much getting chatting to her. Good luck man!!
     

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