HELP!!! PIED recovery - what can be done differently.

Discussion in 'Porn-Induced Sexual Dysfunctions' started by pgraham, Apr 29, 2019.

  1. pgraham

    pgraham Fapstronaut

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    Hey Folks, How`s everyone doing? [LONG Post - read till end please?] :)

    I just wanted to start by really appreciating what this community has done to better everyone and provide that needed support. I have been in the same situation and I have reached a point in time where I desperately need help as to what I am doing or what I should be doing in my recovery phases.

    A little background: I`m 25yrs (kinda virgin) and I am recovering from Porn. I started fapping since 17yrs. I read about nofap some years ago, unfortunately, I wasn`t disciplined enough to go through with it until recently when I got major wake up calls. I decided that this needs to stop because I need to get control of my life back, get over PIED, hence here I am.

    Not being new to nofap: My first (and series of) wake up call (s) was a few years ago when I dated my gf and failed to get hard. I even took V!agra just to be hard but it didn`t work. I`d later go back home and fap to my fav P videos (during which I would get hard) so even knowing that there was a problem, I ignored it.

    Fast forward to recent. As any horny guy who hasn`t gotten laid, I got up to social dating apps (Tinder, Bumble etc) to look for hookups (only thing running through my mind). I started working out on the side to get in shape etc. I got one girl who wanted to hook-up. The feelings of anxiousness ran through but I really wanted to hook up. So I get C!alis (10mg) and pop one before going to her place. Reach here, I get her off multiple times (using hands/ mouth) but the time comes for me to give her the D and its not hard. (2nd Wake up call!!). I got semi-hard in-between, she rode me for 5 seconds and I was back to soft. This was the worst day. I couldn`t believe the disappointment in myself and she was nice, comforting. We assumed the first time was because of nerves (anxious).

    After that 2nd wake-up call, I got serious. Went hard mode (did a 30day no PMO streak), exercised daily. Went through the urges phases etc. Just yesterday morning, my D was soo hard, I couldn`t believe it. So I slipped on a condom (to see how it feels, because previous times, the condom wouldn`t roll on as I would become soft). It felt incredible. I was hard, I mimicked a few sex positions (all alone in my bedroom) just thinking about my previous hook-up and what I would do with this hard D and with all that, I finally cum. (no P involved). Later on at night, suddenly, the girl wants to hookup (after 30days from the first time). I quickly pop a pill of C!alis that I had (back-up plan) and rush over there. The same story, I get her off multiple times and I can`t f****g get hard. Its semi-hard. I tried deep breathing, being present, but I believe my frustration (not getting hard the 2nd time) and to an extent, anxiety played a role in this and all the negative emotions rolled back. Same as previous, she was nice and comforting but since it’s a hook-up, you could tell that she wanted the D even if I can get her off with other ways. (3rd wake-up call- traumatizing). Clearly, I blew up all redemption chances with this girl that I was building on from the last attempt and gone were my chances of having a f**K buddy.

    I am committed to the noFap 90day challenge and here are some of my questions:

    1. To guys out there who have had successful penetrative sex after PIED, what did you do differently? And when you are being intimate, how do you stay in the moment, remove anxious thoughts and continue remaining hard? Plus how long did that take?
    2. My mind is always thinking of sex (or hook-ups) and nothing of a serious relationship – I want to just get laid all day, every day until I get it out of my system and get a serious gf. So I am on all apps, hunting for hook-ups – Has this worked for anyone out there?
    3. I want to ask my doctor for a testosterone test and talk to him about PIED – I fear that if the problem is “mentally”, I would end up paying high bills for ED drugs yet its all in my head – What are your thoughts on this – has this helped with any of you?
    4. My diet is now leafy vegetables and foods that boost testosterone (internet searches) plus I take l-arginine, pycnogenol, Ginseng, Omega 3. – Should I be taking anything incremental?
    5. I started listening to binaural beats, do kegels, meditate (less frequent) but I exercise 4/5 days a week.
    6. How can I rewire my brain differently from what I am already doing?

    Any general tips based on my story – I desperately need help from guys who have experienced PIED and then recovered to have sex, as its time to break free from Porn. The world is beautiful and its summer time (in 2months). I am still on the 25 day streak (30 less 5days for relapsing yesterday due to MO).

    Thanks a lot for reading through – I know it’s a long story, written with emotion but I desperately need a second opinion on what I am doing/not doing to improve and have a porn free and awesome sex life (while I can).

    Kind Regards

    Peter
     
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  2. Fork2323

    Fork2323 Fapstronaut

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    There is more to being soft than fapping.. Maybe this girl just dont turn you on or has bad energy. For me some girls just a text make me rock hard. Some others i dont feel a thing and its just they are not my type.
     
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  3. pgraham

    pgraham Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the reply mate! This girl does fall within the type that I am looking for in a hook-up. I do get hard/ semi-hard when I sext or scrolling through tinder/IG. I see you are on 178days (btw, congs for making it this far), how is your EQ now as compared to the earlier days? Are you getting any anxious thoughts on performance if you get initimate
     
  4. Younameit

    Younameit Fapstronaut

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    All mental for sure, you said your dick got ultra hard and you only thought about sex all this time, and you were horny, when you'rr aroused and can get hard you are capable of having sex with a girl, you had a semi hard dick even taking tadaIafil , which shows us your psychology is interfering
     
  5. pgraham

    pgraham Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the post - couple things to clarify here. My dick gets hard for couple short seconds and looses that once the stimuli is done (i.e. if i am sexting or thinking about my fantasies). When with the girl, my dick is semi-hard, gets hard for abit but can`t slip on the condom. i have now been with the girl for 3 times, all 3 times, i had taken tadiafill and still couldn`t get it hard to have decent penetrative sex.

    The 3rd time was yesterday - my post above has only 2 times. From the 2nd time, i started meditating (less frequent) but i seem to fall in the viscous cycle of frustration and my count of times not getting hard is just increasing (esp. with a real girl) . How can i work on the mental side of things to get back out there? Clearly, i need to do something different.
     
  6. ruggerdoug

    ruggerdoug Fapstronaut

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    It's like in golf. When you are faced with a water trap if you focus on where you want the ball to go you'll keep your ball in play. Focus on the water and well ... time to get a new ball!

    The majority of your post is about getting hard. The brain is a funny thing. The more you focus on getting hard, the more you think about it, the more you feel it isn't working ... it likely won't.

    One of the worst things about PIED is that once our confidence is taken from us by an ED incident future incidents are more likely.

    I've been where you are, fixed it ... and then do to stress got myself in the same mess. I meet a woman and worry about getting hard and never get the woman.

    My advice is to relax (keep your eyes on where you want to go not on the bad things that might happen). And then ... and I SUCK AT THIS .. be patient.

    Good luck!
     
    pgraham likes this.
  7. pgraham

    pgraham Fapstronaut

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    Mate! Thanks alot for the wise words. I can relate to that golf ball reference (good one btw!) since I used to play golf. I hear ya and the advice you have put forward. Can i ask you to break it down as to how you fixed the problem? - preferably into actionable steps (i.e. did you do certain items that helped you rewire and get arousal as you needed it). - I am young but i feel i am running out of time on certain pieces (i.e. hooking up. I will soon become of age where expectation is of a gf since you can`t expect to be fooling around by then) - but i guess some things just need time to heal. So i will start implenting the virtue of being patient.

    What hits me bad is that fact that i am facing such dilemma yet my porn consumption was not extreme as compared to my friends, who all watched tonnes of porn, smoked and drunk like fish - yet they haven`t experienced this at all and lead on good sexual lives. However, i know i will push through and break free from all this.

    Thanks for the support.
     
  8. ruggerdoug

    ruggerdoug Fapstronaut

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    Short answer tonight. Longer answer later in the week.

    The more you focus on getting it up and hooking up the less things will work. That was the point of the golf reference.

    I had a severe porn addiction and put it to rest by becoming more authentically me. NoFap, cold showers and all that contributed but what really worked was a two week backpacking trip in the rockies and some other purely masculine things along with the fitness and weight loss that had to happen to get me there. I was on top of the world from the things I was doing that were truly me. All that and my plumbing was working enough that I had a great relationship with a smoking hot younger woman who happened to be my best friend.

    Hit a shit storm in life. Lost the focus on me. Stress pulled me back into porn and life fell apart.

    Recovered .... lost the girl ... but recovered and hand some casual dating fun but continued to not be so true to myself and let the stress slowly eat me. I self medicate with porn and beer. Combination has me in the shitter right now.

    So I've fixed it. Broken it. Fixed it again. Broken it again. And once again trying to get back to the fix.

    Do the NoFap protocols. Read as much as you can. Get fit whatever that means for you. Meditate. Take cold showers. DO not masturbate. But focus on being a better man. When you pop out healed at the other end your junk will function. If you just do the NoFap list of things to do and forget to find that authentic male you and live that life its likely not to work or likely to lead you right back to where you are now ....

    More detail and less rushed message tomorrow. Good luck!

    RD
     
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  9. pgraham

    pgraham Fapstronaut

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    Mate!; Honestly - I wish I had read this message earlier, but maybe I was meant to read it later for me to deeply understand and give me that push. You have brilliantly said it and thanks a lot!.

    It was just yesterday, that I got another chance (4th) to hook up with the same girl - and similar problems. Afterwards, we finally talked and we won`t be hooking up anymore because of all the past attempts and I just need fix what`s not happening. I guess this is both a good thing and bad thing - good thing in the sense that i can now be "patient" and let my brain heal - i was impatient in all my previous encounters as i wanted to seize the opportunity of hooking up whenever I was called upon. This just meant being trapped in a repetitive cycle of anxious thoughts after failing to perform the first time and not understanding why/what. Bad thing - that i probably won`t get laid any time soon, so will have a dry spell for some time. These feelings just trap you inside. Worst moments for a guy. But I look forward to the light at the end of the tunnel

    So your message is making more sense to me now;- i need to focus away from the whole concept of hooking up (if it happens, it happens), need to rediscover myself. I wana go back to mountain climbing and getting fit - basically rediscovering myself again (hope Rockies was a classy experience for you). Doing the noFap protocols as a genuine habit and not a checklist or direct intention, healing and becoming better. I will apply all this - it will take some time and i will now need to be patient with myself (since the girl is now out of the picture). Key takeaway: Be the authentic male and live that life. (~Ruggerdoug)

    Can`t thank you enough - this is a powerful message that you put forward!! (or maybe its me and the high emotions/ frustrations that have carried over from last night). - I`ll keep reaching out as I embark on this new journey to claim myself back.

    Thanks alot x3000 and hey, goodluck with your journey, you are strong enough and you will get through this. Don`t loose focus. You are a good man!

    Cheers
    Peter
     

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