Help please!

Man the No-PM challenge for 90 days is your solution

Good luck

 

Stay strong man
U can do this
Be brave

Do it for you and for her

 

Don't give up.

I like this type of comment.

 

Hello and welcome!

We are glad to have you as a part of our community. Here are some quick links to get you started.

Getting Started Guide | How to Use the NoFap Forums | Panic Button | Day Counter | Rebooting Resources | Forum Rules | Glossary

If you wish to keep a journal of your progress you can do so in the appropriate section found here

You can also take part in one of the many challenges available. It can be a tremendous help. Challenges

Also, there are groups you can also join if you wish to do so. You can browse through them here. Groups

There are plenty of wonderful, friendly and knowledgeable people here to help you along on your journey to a life free of PMO. I wish you nothing but the best!

 

Hi,

so I am continuing our previous conversation here as we agreed upon…

Now we are discussion two things:
- you not doing well when being alone with your SO acting on you
- our previous conversation of that your SO likes it rough in the bed while it is in fact you who would like to give her more intimacy.

From the second, I would guess that you are having sex with your SO since that unlucky event, right? And since you wrote you had had boners before, I would guess it may not be PIED as much as it might have been just that you were nervous. It was the first time with your (new?, first?) girlfriend, you knew about her historical sexual burden, you love her, do not want to hurt her, still want to take her: a lot of confusing feelings that may easily make one not to erect!

I would encourage you in quitting porn, indeed, but make you calm down about your presumable PIED as well. If it happens often then the things may be more serious.

Second as to our conversation about your SO taste in bed.

WARNING: POSSIBLE TRIGGER from here on

Sometimes men live in an illusion that all women want to be treated with respect and intimacy in bed. That’s not an illusion, indeed, in everyday lives but kind of can be as to what turns them on …

For example, my wife does not enjoy much foreplay, sensual touches and cuddling before sex. Not that she would not like it at all but she says it basically bores her if it takes too long.

But thinks get different when comes to nonsexual activities. She loves when I treat her with all intimacy during the day, giving her fleeting touches and kisses, talking to her with attention, spooning when we fall asleep. This all build a lot of intimacy between us so that I do not feel like I am abusing her in bed when there is not that much of it.

On the other hand, she knows I like touches and cuddling more than she does so she likes to give me massage or give more attention to my body when acting sexually.

You are in a more problematic situation, though, since if your SO was sexually abused in the previous relationship, her inability of sharing intimacy along with the preference for rough sex may be a consequence of that. Then, it would mean that what had happened to her has not been healed yet. Specifically, she may suffer from disrespect to her body and fear from intimate feelings. This would be very difficult and sensitive situation for you and also not fully under your control. Then, I hope you both can go through it together and have strong lovely relationship!

In any case, communication is your biggest friend. Talk to her about your and her everyday feelings (nonsexual) and do not be afraid of entering (slowly if needed) the conversation about your sexual life and preferences as well.