Help With Compulsive Urges

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by rca123, Feb 23, 2020.

  1. rca123

    rca123 Fapstronaut
    NoFap Defender

    Hello everyone, I recently had what may be a very important breakthrough in my struggle to deal with compulsive sexual/porn thoughts.
    Some background, I got into P. a very long time ago and it got progressively weirder until I found myself watching "sissy hypnosis" videos (if you don't know what that is, do yourself a favor and don't find out). After attempting for almost the last four years to suppress these urges, and finding them not diminishing in intensity over time (even very long periods of time, 9 months or more) I have found out a bit of psychological research that very helpfully explains why I was failing (I think).
    Psychologists call it the "rebound effect," where thoughts that you attempt to suppress become more easily accessible to the mind, not less. The harder you try to force your mind away from the topic, the more powerfully that topic will invade your mind.

    The suggested solutions to combat this effect are equally paradoxical, and I very much didn't want to accept them as valid at first.
    They suggest that in order to deal with unwanted thoughts and urges, you stop suppressing them. I want to be clear that this is not the same as just giving in to the urges, but instead allow the urges to come into your mind without trying to force them out. Don't act on them, and maybe talk about them to someone you trust (I tell God about them).
    The analogy that came to my mind was of bottling up, if you keep pressing more and more of these thoughts down into a bottle it's going to leak out of the seals.
    What I mean is, for myself; even when I was suppressing every thought I could and avoiding P. and M. for months on end, I would wind up dreaming about looking up the same P. I was trying to avoid, or experiencing it. The dreams didn't stop until I found myself M. half asleep compulsively.

    What I'm saying is, while trying to suppress my urges they were bleeding out into my subconscious and gradually escalating out into my actions. So what I am going to try to do now is stop suppressing, let the thoughts come out to my mind, express them (verbally or in writing), and then let them go. If this proves successful, I will let you know; but I will say that confessing all of this out loud to God rather than trying to bury it paradoxically led to a decrease in spontaneous compulsive thoughts tonight. It seems to be working, and I felt like I should try to let you guys know so you can try it if you aren't having success with other methods.
    I hope this helps you, and God bless you.
    ankith, Breadman and helpinghand4all like this.
  2. helpinghand4all

    helpinghand4all Fapstronaut

    That's true if I force myself to work every time of the day, due to burnout I tend to fall apart which tends to multiple days of binge YouTube. Truth is everything takes time, looking back I realize there was a time when I couldn't live without thinking sexually about females around me, even my teachers. It took me a lot of time but it's gone now.
    rca123 likes this.
  3. rca123

    rca123 Fapstronaut
    NoFap Defender

    I don't know if this has been a terrible idea or if I just haven't seen it through. I started admitting to what I was feeling, and I ended up admitting to wanting to do everything I was trying not to do; and then I did it.
    I felt immediately shameful as soon as I O'd, but not long later I was doing it all again. I need a miracle. If I'm suppressing these urges they fill up my subconscious, and if I'm not I wind up giving in to the urges. I have at the very least admitted that the desires are coming from inside, and not outside; but then I feel like a hypocrite trying to act like I don't want to do them. It starts to seem pointless to resist, like I'm pretending to be someone I'm not.
    I keep getting the feeling that I will never be free from this if I keep lying to myself about it, but when I stop I always end up in the thick of it. I'm scared, because admitting the truth feels like admitting defeat. I'm hoping for God to help me, because I know that he doesn't want this for me; but I also know that he wants me to be truthful with him and myself, because no lie is of God. God I hope there's a light at the end of this tunnel. Sorry for being morose, God bless you.
  4. You are correct that you should't suppress your thoughts but that doesn't mean that you should act on every thought that you have.You just used it as an excuse.
  5. Breadman

    Breadman Fapstronaut

    Totally agree here. Make peace with your demon am slowly, slowly it becomes less powerful. I used to fear my bi/gay inclinations. They tormented me. I came to accept that about myself and now after 2 1/2 years it’s really near totally manageable and yes I told my wife and adult kids plus have two close Nofap friends who we discuss this with each other. All of us are so much better than when we started Nofap.
    Rex za likes this.
  6. tyrharper

    tyrharper Fapstronaut

    I tried "not fighting" the thoughts and letting them be, and didn't work because it lead to edging, sexual thoughts started growing and I was fantasizing more and more so that after a few minutes I become so turned on that M was almost unavoidable. Anyway, I talked about unwanted thoughts and temptations with a Trappist abbot in a monastery I go to retreats every year, someone who has been a monk for more than 50 years since he was 19, and he told me basically that we need not to get personally involved and disturbed by these thoughts, observe them without interest as if they were happening to someone else and don't let them affect you, and soon they will vanish. Easier said than done, so far I couldn't master this technique and what I am still doing is trying to get rid of these thoughts, by turning my mind to something else and praying.
    Breadman likes this.
  7. I believe

    I believe Fapstronaut

    i am struggling with the same thing i will try the monk's advice.if it worked i will tell u
  8. Rustcan45

    Rustcan45 Fapstronaut

    Porn is the problem but porn is also the solution. Everytime you are horny watch the porn that you wished aroused you i.e. straight pornography even if it takes an hour to get off. Do this everytime you get sissy hypno thoughts until your brain associates regular porn with arousal. Explore the field of straight pornography if you must but do not watch sissy hypno. Fill the void with the ideal porn everytime you experience the need for hypno. Whether this be once a day or 3 times a day. Don't focus on abstinence until your cured. Eventually you can jack off every 3 days and then watch regular porn and keep going from there.
  9. ankith

    ankith Fapstronaut

    Yeah this actually what is done in SA 12 step groups...I am also gonna try it, I hope it helps

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