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Help with dating

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by calo9025, Sep 24, 2015.

  1. Sep 24, 2015 #1
    calo9025

    calo9025 Fapstronaut

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    So part of my PMO addiction problem stems from my lack of dating experience and lack of confidence when it comes to dating. On that same token, PMO is not helping with my confidence.

    I have always struggled with dating. I have been on a few dates and had one short term relationship and that is it. That being said I don't have very much confidence. Also, the few times that I have had confidence and tried to get a girl, it blew up in my face. I have felt lonely and depressed by this. I have this fear that I am going to end up alone and never get to feel what a true romantic relationship will be like. I'm hoping that doing this NoFap challenge will help with my confidence.

    It's really starting to get to me now that I see all my friends getting engaged and married and I'm still trying to get into the dating game.

    Is there anyone who has been in my shoes who can offer any advice or tell me what you did to get through this? I'm really struggling with this right now. I'm trying to put myself out there but its not really working.
     
    calo9025, Sep 24, 2015
    calo9025, Sep 24, 2015
    #1
    StefanT likes this.
  2. Sep 24, 2015 #2
    StefanT

    StefanT Fapstronaut

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    Hey, sorry to hear about the rough time. Confidence comes from several different sources: work, success in school, worthwhile hobbies. How are you doing in those areas?
     
    StefanT, Sep 24, 2015
    StefanT, Sep 24, 2015
    #2
  3. Sep 24, 2015 #3
    calo9025

    calo9025 Fapstronaut

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    I seem to be doing pretty good in those areas. Yeah things could be better but for someone who graduated college about a year ago, things seem to be going pretty good as far as careerwise and what not.
     
    calo9025, Sep 24, 2015
    calo9025, Sep 24, 2015
    #3
  4. Sep 25, 2015 #4
    buzzlightyear

    buzzlightyear Fapstronaut

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    Let's start of with something good, you want change. Good.

    What is less about this part of text is you continually stating your (negative) past experiences. Fock that stuff, you are not the person you were yesterday, you can't be. That means that who ever you want to be, you can be right now. I don't decide who you are, nor does anyone else. Others may decide what they think you are but that doesn't define you.

    You say, "you don't have very much confidence" You think you don't have very much confidence. If you determine for yourself that "not having very much confidence" is a fact to you. It will be so.

    All you need to do is being able to believe you can become more confident, a little more not something drastically big. Just a little bit more confident.

    You said you experienced times where you were confident, that's proof you can be confident. Now all you need to do is learn how to be that more frequently.

    I believe getting out of your comfort zone will make you more confident. Getting out of you comfort zone isn't pretty nor nice, it's scary sometimes, awkward and uncomfortable to do. The first few seconds just are.

    Being successful at work or school, is a big risk. You know why? because it makes you stand out and when you stand out you meet criticism but also compliments (both often make me feel uncomfortable)
    A worthwhile hobby has to start somewhere, I remember the first time I went to a sports training and I was the new kid that wasn't good at any of those things al others where doing. That made me feel uncomfortable.

    comfort and confidence aren't the same thing.When you're confident people might reject you, like you experienced yourself.

    What do you want? confidence or comfort?

    Last tip, girls can be nice and fun but they aren't your first priority.

    I wish you the best of luck!
     
    buzzlightyear, Sep 25, 2015
    buzzlightyear, Sep 25, 2015
    #4
    calo9025 likes this.
  5. Sep 25, 2015 #5
    calo9025

    calo9025 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks buzzlightyear. That post was eye opening to me. It kind of reminds me of a quote I heard from someone that some of the most successful people had to fail so many times before they got where they were today.

    I've been focusing too much on taking big strides when really baby steps is what I really need to do.
     
    calo9025, Sep 25, 2015
    calo9025, Sep 25, 2015
    #5
  6. Sep 25, 2015 #6
    nfprogress

    nfprogress Fapstronaut

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    Just my two cents. I had good success with online dating. Make a solid profile. Take time to learn about the women you are interested. Message back and forth minimally, then suggest low key coffee date. Even if the date goes poorly (trust me some will), you are only out a few bucks and you gain direct dating experience with women you find attractive.

    Dating is a numbers game and you need some sort of plan where you can comfortably meet and get to know many single women over the course of months/years. Be honest about what you are looking for is my best suggestion for how to save yourself time and get better results.
     
    nfprogress, Sep 25, 2015
    nfprogress, Sep 25, 2015
    #6

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