How the fuck do I stop this habit and other self-destructive habits that I have to cope with stress? I'm pretty angry with my self that I keep ending up in the same place. Binging porn, drinking excessively, smoking excessively. After I experience a lot of stress, usually from pushing my self to new levels of personal success it feels necessary to do these things. I just finished working a minimum of 65 hours a week, for the past six months. I am currently on a little vacation. I am not doing anything it feels like, and I am full of self-hatred. I am engaged to a great woman, I have potential in fun career of metal fabrication yet I can't feel any pleasure. I don't need anymore medication, I just need help finding a starting point to stop all this shit. Not at the same time, I know that's crazy. But how the hell do I get started and stick with it? I have been trying to develop my self, and become more routine but the stuff I keep trying never sticks. Where did you guys start? What is necessary for success? I feel like I am not ready to quit but I know I should.
I've been on a week long vacation and have spent hours each day binging porn while intoxicated. The past 6 months have been so stressful it feels like what I should be doing. But I know that there are healthier things. I just never feel satisfaction after say, working out, or meditating or hiking. I want to experience that so badly but it escapes me every time. Like the only way for me to relax is to do something really exciting. Otherwise I just struggle immensely with this sense of restlessness. It's such a stupid struggle, because the porn, the booze and the weed only stave off the feeling for a little while before I come crawling back again. I'm almost at rock bottom here guys, I don't want to go any further. I have a counseling appointment scheduled and I intend on working on this. I appreciate these online forums as place to vent and get some ideas.
