Help

[Yalmoo]

hello.
I started my nofap journey not long time ago - 20 days porn free, 11 days fap free. I generally feel good, very awake.
I had some exhibitionism problems in my past - I got aroused from stripping down in my gym’s changing room alot, masturbating in the shower, stripping naked on the beach’s bathroom and changing room and looking for someone to open the door and “accidentally” see me naked. I didn’t want them to see me masturbate as much as I just wanted them to see my naked or partly naked by accident, for even less than a second (only men of course). Even writing it down maked me hard. Lately I have been doing it in the public restrooms, usually the cleaning man would burst in seeing my bare ass or more and I would cum. It has been my main arousal subject during the past few months and I really feel it’s not who I am. The minutes after I would cum, I’d feel regret.
It has been awhile since it happened, and tonight, returning home from a friend a bit drunk, I found myself letting my pants fall and exposing myself (the end my ass and even my dick) to some guys on the streets that have been walking around me. It turned me on too much and I’m hoping I can get over without masturbating it but not sure if I can. If anyone has been experiencing similar feelings or if you have some tips how to keep on going and be strong I would extremely appreciate it if you share it with me... I feel so helpless right now.
Thank you for listening.

 

[GeorgeJetson]

hello.
I started my nofap journey not long time ago - 20 days porn free, 11 days fap free. I generally feel good, very awake.
I had some exhibitionism problems in my past - I got aroused from stripping down in my gym’s changing room alot, masturbating in the shower, stripping naked on the beach’s bathroom and changing room and looking for someone to open the door and “accidentally” see me naked. I didn’t want them to see me masturbate as much as I just wanted them to see my naked or partly naked by accident, for even less than a second (only men of course). Even writing it down maked me hard. Lately I have been doing it in the public restrooms, usually the cleaning man would burst in seeing my bare ass or more and I would cum. It has been my main arousal subject during the past few months and I really feel it’s not who I am. The minutes after I would cum, I’d feel regret.
It has been awhile since it happened, and tonight, returning home from a friend a bit drunk, I found myself letting my pants fall and exposing myself (the end my ass and even my dick) to some guys on the streets that have been walking around me. It turned me on too much and I’m hoping I can get over without masturbating it but not sure if I can. If anyone has been experiencing similar feelings or if you have some tips how to keep on going and be strong I would extremely appreciate it if you share it with me... I feel so helpless right now.
Thank you for listening.

Thanks for your honesty @Yalmoo and I appreciate you sharing your story. I have similar urges and desires but with the opposite sex. I travel a lot for work and frequently stay in hotels. One of my regular goals is to have the hotel cleaning lady walk in as I'm masturbating myself. I've gone to great lengths to satisfy this urge, even showing up late for work meetings. The last time I did this was just a few weeks ago and the lady opened the bathroom door thinking nobody was in the room and I was completely naked and fully aroused. She watched for about 5 seconds surprisingly but then left the room. I ended up opening the door and told her as she was in the hall that she could come in and do whatever she needed to do. She said she would come back but I was persistent at telling her it was fine for her to come in. She ultimately kept moving and did not come in.

I have always enjoyed people watching me masturbate and is the primary reason I'm a part of this community. The things that I do to stay sober are remaining aware of my addiction and understanding my triggers. Additionally, I have identified ways to resist the urges such as quickly logging on the site and updating my reboot journal, read and contribute to others posts, and replay the guilt and fear I've experienced after I act out. I also have developed a daily routine that seems to work in regards to staying sober. My morning always starts with some simple prayers and a 15-20 minute meditation. I then update my reboot journal and read as much as I'm able on this site. I also try to exercise each day and stay connected to NoFap throughout the day. Come evenening time, I do another 15-20 minute meditation, update my reboot journal and participate in other NoFap posts, and finally say some prayers before I go to sleep.

This is such a tough battle but when I follow what seems to work for me, I begin to slowly feel better and eventually feel a freedom from my obsession.

 

[Yalmoo]

Thanks for your honesty @Yalmoo and I appreciate you sharing your story. I have similar urges and desires but with the opposite sex. I travel a lot for work and frequently stay in hotels. One of my regular goals is to have the hotel cleaning lady walk in as I'm masturbating myself. I've gone to great lengths to satisfy this urge, even showing up late for work meetings. The last time I did this was just a few weeks ago and the lady opened the bathroom door thinking nobody was in the room and I was completely naked and fully aroused. She watched for about 5 seconds surprisingly but then left the room. I ended up opening the door and told her as she was in the hall that she could come in and do whatever she needed to do. She said she would come back but I was persistent at telling her it was fine for her to come in. She ultimately kept moving and did not come in.

I have always enjoyed people watching me masturbate and is the primary reason I'm a part of this community. The things that I do to stay sober are remaining aware of my addiction and understanding my triggers. Additionally, I have identified ways to resist the urges such as quickly logging on the site and updating my reboot journal, read and contribute to others posts, and replay the guilt and fear I've experienced after I act out. I also have developed a daily routine that seems to work in regards to staying sober. My morning always starts with some simple prayers and a 15-20 minute meditation. I then update my reboot journal and read as much as I'm able on this site. I also try to exercise each day and stay connected to NoFap throughout the day. Come evenening time, I do another 15-20 minute meditation, update my reboot journal and participate in other NoFap posts, and finally say some prayers before I go to sleep.

This is such a tough battle but when I follow what seems to work for me, I begin to slowly feel better and eventually feel a freedom from my obsession.

Thank you for your reply. It really did help to hear from another guy trying to release himself from a similar habit. I really appreciate it. Yesterday I relapsed and I’m not so proud of it, and the past few days have been tough. I found myself edging a lot about the subject and that led to relapsing, and made me feel really bad afterwards. I meditate everyday for almost a month now - it really helps but I think I give up my mind easily when it comes to masturbating in public. I think I’m gonna try some things with me until I’ll figure out what’s working best for me to stay awake to my mind and my actions. Hopefully it will work.
It’s unbelievable how all of this have become such a great deal to my concern, as a year ago It wasn’t in my mind at all... Crazy don’t you think?