Hematuria will porn kill me ?

First of I'm a 22 years old guy from France

I lived in a very poor country for about 18years before moving to France.

Came across p@rn at 10 or 11, got hooked since.

At 15, a weird spot appeared on my glans (poverty and bad hygiene) which got me even more away from girls than being so poor.

That played a lot in me getting trapped into the PMO nightmare.

The years went on, I became not only an addict but discovered edging the worst stage of PMO, where you click-fap-collect for hours in a row. I DO NOT POSSES ANY WILLPOWER anymore it's fully gone.

Anger and self hatred were overwelming since I couldnt get the girls I see in the p@rn realm, too ugly, skinny, and the weird patch.

This self destructive habits got the point, my body got harmed and said stop.

Edging has induced a medical condition called hematuria, its blood when I pee basically.

This put me on the suicidal track, as it was tough time for me (financially, socially, mentally)

It was a big deal for me for months, eventually I got to the hospital, fortunatly health care is affordable in France, if no I would have lose it.

4 years later, i'm back again to this hematuria shit, because PMO is still a huge concern.

I'm a bit more mature but it's hard to cope, I have an appointment to see a specialist doctor.

I hate this deadly scenario, I'm ashamed because I think the radio will reveal that I am a high level fapper (un gros branleur, in french).

I hope this paragraph is not too long to read, and appreciate your help.

Thanks