Here, but unsure

[Striving]

Hi, everyone

I'm Carlie, a 16-year-old in high school. I've masturbated probably since I was maybe 9 or 10? I guess I've always kind of suspected that erotica was bad for my brain. Honestly though, I'm still not entirely sure.

See, what I do is a little different than most of the users on here. I read erotic fanfiction. I know. It's really dorky, and this is the first time I've ever said it sort of out loud. I don't "watch" porn, i.e. I don't watch porn videos, but instead read it. And I also imagine it every now and then, and just kinda contrive situations in my head.

I've generally been told (by the internet) that fantasizing about rape is totally normal, but I think sexual depravity has to stop at some point, right? I mean, I'll search through fanfiction until I find some story that's 100% twisted smut. In particular, I like stories where the girl doesn't want to do it, but has to or even has to act like they want to. So rape, blackmail, all that sort of stuff. I even read this one tentacle fic - though I'm not planning on doing that ever again.

Another thing is, sometimes I'll waste hours on it. Girls can masturbate many times (I don't know the typical rebound period of a guy, though I know it's much longer), so sometimes I'll go deep into the night until like 3 just masturbating.

Sometimes it's liberating. I feel like I'm embracing my sexuality, and I feel sexy. Well, really that's just a recent development. Lately I've gotten into dancing in front of the mirror with just a bra and underwear, or with nothing on at all and I'll lie on the bed or sit on a chair and get off with stories from my phone (or even looking at pictures of girls with big busts or butts on Instagram). But I'm worried I'm ruining my future satisfaction by changing my brain chemistry at this important time in my life for brain development.

So I suppose I want to stop now before I can only get off when I picture such a situation. Or so in the future I can be satisfied with normal sex. Or worse, before I start getting into deeper and deeper depravity (pee fetishes and Rule 34 I won't even go there bleeh).

Do you guys think I'm wrong? Like is erotic fiction okay? Just as bad? Does anyone have any insight into how a brain on porn differs from a brain on erotica/imagination? Let me know what you think.

 

[I Am that I Am]

I think it is just as bad for an erotic compulsion issue which essentially is what PMO is.

I doubt it affects the brain the same as viewing porn. But it is fostering the erotic compulsion issue and you won't overcome PMO by doing that. To make a comparison it is like someone giving up smoking opium for a marijuana habit. It is just substituting the addiction/compulsion/habit.

I cannot tell you what you should or should not do but that is just my unbiased logic on the situation.

 

[I Am that I Am]

Ok you said you don't watch porn. So you fap to stories it sounds like. That is still going to bring the negative effects of fapping even if your brain isn't getting jacked up the way someone taking in hundreds and thousands of images and videos per hour is.

So if you value your lifeforce (females sexual energy is more delicate than males so don't think wasting it isn't just as harmful, yes they can have more orgasms but that doesn't mean a toll isn't being taken) I want you to watch those if you want to.

And I am not sure what source claimed rape fantasy is normal but it should never be viewed as normal. I mean don't shame yourself but I can refer you to an organization that shines light on the truth through articles:

https://fightthenewdrug.org
www.facebook.com/fightthenewdrug (They have stuff about rape content including a video on their page)

 

[Former_CD]

Erotic fiction is just as bad or worse than porn. I was heavily addicted to erotic fiction. It would have been far easier for me to give up porn and keep reading the fiction than the other way around. I could have easily given up porn and kept on reading. I have stopped both. I will encourage you to stop also.

 

[Striving]

Erotic fiction is just as bad or worse than porn. I was heavily addicted to erotic fiction. It would have been far easier for me to give up porn and keep reading the fiction than the other way around. I could have easily given up porn and kept on reading. I have stopped both. I will encourage you to stop also.

Thanks for the response! It's good to have someone else's insight. Would you say reading erotic fiction was draining your life? Like took away time or pleasure from life in general?

Also whoa 500+ days on your PMO Tracker? Super impressive! Respect.