Here Goes Everything

I am 30 years old and have finally hit rock bottom with my porn addiction. Unfortunately, I started young (13 or 14) and have used PMO ever since. I have struggled with PIED for forever but always used excuses like "I just had too many beers" and "maybe I just wasn't that into her". I'm 50/50 on whether I can MO and it usually feels like more of a chore than pleasure. I am now on Day 11 and feel like I have been in flatline maybe since I started....maybe was already before, who knows.

I feel okay and motivated at this point but my biggest fear is how long this recovery may take given my history. My only source of hope is that I had a year long relationship that ended about a year ago where I had a sort of normal sex life. I was able to O with real sex (with some DE), although my head was never in the moment, usually fantasizing about something else. Used a lot less P during that time. Looking back on that relationship, I felt I did rewire to her a good bit and was capable of getting erections without too much effort. So maybe there is hope this won't be one of those 9-24 month reboots that sound terrifying. Glad to have a community to keep me strong.

"I have long feared that my sins would return to haunt me, and the cost would be more than I could bear." -Benjamin Martin in The Patriot