I have to say the past 8 months I have felt more lonely and more down on myself than ever. Which is odd considering I live with my bf. In the very beginning he used to kiss me. I mean really kiss me. He used to tell me I was beautiful. He used to always want to be close to me. The PIED has always been there in our relationship so we don't even attempt sex. At least he doesn't. I gave up even thinking about it months ago after I had a breakdown due to blaming and hating myself for so long. We're roommates. Sleeping in the same bed. But I'm not me, and he's not him. In a sense we're just shells of ourselves due to this addiction. It started out as a joke. I'd playfully tease him about his time in the bathroom. But then I realized it was an every day thing. 2 hours I'd lie I bed alone every morning while he worshipped his tablet in the bathroom. At this point I cry every morning. So hard it hurts. I can't sleep at night because I'm anticipating the pain the morning brings. I have felt so broken. To the point suicide crossed my mind. I'm in so much pain. I'm so thankful to come across this platform. Just a few hours ago I felt defeated and helpless. Talking to some of you, reading your experiences has given me strength and a little hope. He won't likely quit for me. And that's a devastating thought. I've been so supportive and patient. Up until yesterday. I can no longer control the anger stemming from the hurt. How can I love someone so much and be so disgusted with them. How can someone love me so much and be so oblivious and uncaring. I'm trying my best. I wish i would have found you guys sooner. Maybe I could've worked through my hurt differently. I'm just glad i have you now, no matter what happens.