Here we are... old friend, my fear

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Hero:HOPE, Jul 14, 2019.

  1. Hero:HOPE

    Hero:HOPE Fapstronaut

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    My Journal
    It's been a long ride... tomorrow will be your last day together with me...
    I know, I know ... you won't be gone completly but... that's okay :)
    Thank you... for trying to protect me... I know you never wanted to harm me in any way.
    You were there when I felt alone... Thank you... but you know what...
    I carry you deep in my past. Like a mark...
    It is crazy when I think what you made me do in the last few years. I smashed both of my hands against the wall and broke my right one... I screamed and cried loud. I got depressed and stayed in my room. I played video games for hours... I tried my best without risking a change... I closed all doors to the people that care about me....
    It was ... intense, right ? :D

    Well... to be honest... I don't know what is coming... and that's okay... because I don't need to :) I can't change my past. You don't need to tell me that. Yes. I can change my future by confronting you tomorrow... I feel like I already did bet you... but I want to go for sure... You remember the day you were reborn ? Yeah the day when I scored 95 points in a IQ Test... I failed.... at least that's what I believed for years... How foolish!

    I was such a fool... Here we are... at the cliff... where I stood 2 years ago... The day... when Hope was born. Hope... isn't that just another word for fear ? Maybe... but what does it change... What do you change? Nothing... you showed me monsters that aren't real but could be just so I run away when I see anything similiar... You were like gravity always pulling me down so I don't rise in order to not fall... I accept the fact that I was the one listening to you... but I took your voice and your hands... what remains is your heart... the love to protect me... even from myself... Thank you... old friend... tomorrow when I will fail that exam... I will be the one that failed the exam but passed you...

    I think failing the exam is even better than passing it... why ? because I don't just know one simple fact but also believe it... the fact that everything will be alright even if I fail. So when I fail... you will be no more...
    You fought well... you trained me well...

    What does it mean to be brave ? Not being afraid of something? NO! Being brave means.... being afraid of something but still doing it!

    Thank you so much for everything...


    ~Hope
     
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