DrStrangeloaf
Fapstronaut
Hi there guys and gals!
Well, I have been trying to quit for something more than a year. Porn has reinforced my social anxiety, depression and general low-selfsteem. Mind you, I'm not saying it is the cause of it but it certainly reinforces all them.
I was born from an unloving couple. My father was violent towards my mother, especially when she announced that she wanted the divorce when I was 10-11. After that, my father kind of forgot about me and my mother used my as a surrogate husband, although she did have many relationships.
I grew up fearful of people, I was bullied in school and I developed generally weird concepts and schemes about others and social behaviours. And porn was there. First with the 56 k modem and then with high speed.
Are you bored? Just fap.
Do you feel down? Just fap.
Are you lonely? Just fap.
Are you stressed? Just fap.
Just fap. It's free!
Then about two years ago, after a depressive episode, I decided to live. I said to myself: well, being here is a gift and you can keep up with this miserable behaviour for years and look back to your life in shame OR you could try to do something about it. And then I started doing some sport. Taking care of my diet. Taking care of my mental health: I seeked a therapist until finding a competent one, I saw a psychiatrist, etc. All that without NOBODY supporting me. It's curious because people got accustomed to me being me. Meaning, me being depressive, me being sad, me being negative, me being weird, my being quiet, me being down, or just me avoiding others altogether.
I was diagnosed with distimia, SA and TDAH.
And it more or less worked! I got an exercise rutine. I swim. I also started to flirt with girls with more or less success. I was more social, I engaged on every little opportunity live brought me.
But alas! Porn is still here.
My main difficulties have been:
Thank you for reading!
Well, I have been trying to quit for something more than a year. Porn has reinforced my social anxiety, depression and general low-selfsteem. Mind you, I'm not saying it is the cause of it but it certainly reinforces all them.
I was born from an unloving couple. My father was violent towards my mother, especially when she announced that she wanted the divorce when I was 10-11. After that, my father kind of forgot about me and my mother used my as a surrogate husband, although she did have many relationships.
I grew up fearful of people, I was bullied in school and I developed generally weird concepts and schemes about others and social behaviours. And porn was there. First with the 56 k modem and then with high speed.
Are you bored? Just fap.
Do you feel down? Just fap.
Are you lonely? Just fap.
Are you stressed? Just fap.
Just fap. It's free!
Then about two years ago, after a depressive episode, I decided to live. I said to myself: well, being here is a gift and you can keep up with this miserable behaviour for years and look back to your life in shame OR you could try to do something about it. And then I started doing some sport. Taking care of my diet. Taking care of my mental health: I seeked a therapist until finding a competent one, I saw a psychiatrist, etc. All that without NOBODY supporting me. It's curious because people got accustomed to me being me. Meaning, me being depressive, me being sad, me being negative, me being weird, my being quiet, me being down, or just me avoiding others altogether.
I was diagnosed with distimia, SA and TDAH.
And it more or less worked! I got an exercise rutine. I swim. I also started to flirt with girls with more or less success. I was more social, I engaged on every little opportunity live brought me.
But alas! Porn is still here.
My main difficulties have been:
- The phone and phone usage specially when alone in bed. It's my main way of porn use. Any suggestions?
- Libido, after a week or two, goes into high gear. I feel attracted to most women I see, and it's crucifying. And then that little voice that says: well, you could... and those impulses will calm down.
- I have openDNS activated but, nonetheless, when i relapse i keep searching for porn until i find a website that it's not blocked.
- I have mainly two acquired fetishes, but one of them is specially shameful. The last relapses were induced by it.
Thank you for reading!
