Here's the card I've been looking for.

JazzCard

JazzCard

Fapstronaut
Hey, the names JazzCard and I'm 19 years old. I'm here to try to start my journey while I'm young.

"Hey JazzCard! Why are you starting your journey at such a young age?"

Well I'm glad you asked that, stranger! In fact, this reason may be widespread for all I know. I've been fapping probably since I was 13 and I feel like whenever I fap, I go into a state of being really calm and shy, where I don't like to take chances, my confidence is low, and I sometimes struggle with social interaction.

I feel like most of this is driven by my sexual drive. I'd like to say that my sexual drive is quite intense for such a shelled in person like myself, and of course like any young person, I fapped to relieve myself of the intense feelings. Of course this worked, but every time I did so, I wished that it was happening for real. I've always been a guy with high values where I want to have a nice and healthy sexual relationship with the right gal, not just some random fling.

Because of this, I haven't had a girlfriend since freshman year in high school. Isn't that embarassing? Since I'm now an almost 20 year old man close to finishing up my sophomore year in college, I've been starting to question why I'm so horrible with women.

"I can talk to women perfectly fine when I'm not trying!" I say to myself.

....but why is it that when I DO try, I'm an absolute failure? I can safely admit that I'm a pretty good looking fella...not muscular or anything, but quite an average looker...and yet... I can't gather the courage to say that I like a girl, to ask her on dates, and just to even approach women that I find attractive. I'm horrible at all those things.

Fast forward and I'm here. I've been reading stories of other NoFap-ers and the research on dopamine, the reward system integrated in our brain etc. and have come to the conclusion that perhaps forcing myself to deal with my intense sexual desire without any outlet other than a real sexual relationship will restore my confidence and restore my reward system in my brain to normal so that I gain the extra testosterone to gain confidence, courage, increase my appreciation for the presence of the female gender and to finally reach a healthy sexual relationship.

With that said, I'll be posting a journal in the under 20 section. I'll post a link to it here once I create it. I hope other fellow NoFap-ers will encourage me to reach my goal. I'll do the same with others. :D

Click here to go to my journal!
 
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Hi jazzcard. Welcome. You know isn't embarrassment really over concern about what other people think of you? When you think about it? And maybe when we try too hard we make things more difficult for ourselves? And how much of our trying is so we can get the approval of others? Give yourself permission to fail. In everything you do. Everything! And you will be amazed at how much easier everything will become for you. Otherwise you create these big expectations which create tension which makes you awkward and clumsy it all just becomes plain hard work. F**k it. Your allowed to make mistakes. Your allowed to be vulnerable, and honest, and even nerdy etc etc. Girls love that because increasing numbers of them are sick to the back teeth of alpha-tarzan-macho-man and his shallow porn fuelled bulls**t!! Just be you man, you sound pretty cool to me. Have you ever read 'self reliance' by Ralph Waldo Emerson (modern translation by Adam Khan is really good!) If not why not give it a whirl (is on t'internet if you search it) Sorry for lecture, just tired and ready for sleep and wanted to help;-) All the best to you mate
 
jiltedjohn said:
Hi jazzcard. Welcome. You know isn't embarrassment really over concern about what other people think of you? When you think about it? And maybe when we try too hard we make things more difficult for ourselves? And how much of our trying is so we can get the approval of others? Give yourself permission to fail. In everything you do. Everything! And you will be amazed at how much easier everything will become for you. Otherwise you create these big expectations which create tension which makes you awkward and clumsy it all just becomes plain hard work. F**k it. Your allowed to make mistakes. Your allowed to be vulnerable, and honest, and even nerdy etc etc. Girls love that because increasing numbers of them are sick to the back teeth of alpha-tarzan-macho-man and his shallow porn fuelled bulls**t!! Just be you man, you sound pretty cool to me. Have you ever read 'self reliance' by Ralph Waldo Emerson (modern translation by Adam Khan is really good!) If not why not give it a whirl (is on t'internet if you search it) Sorry for lecture, just tired and ready for sleep and wanted to help;-) All the best to you mate
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Yeah you're right man, I totally shouldn't be afraid of rejection and stuff like that. I'm going to have to improve on that, but I'll see what I start feeling like past day 7...if I make it there. Good Luck to you as well!
 
Hi JazzCard, welcome. I see a lot of guys come here and struggle, as I did when I first started trying to quit.

One thing, and correct me if I am wrong, but I did not see the word "porn" in your post. 99% of the guys here have a porn problem, not an MO problem. For most of us here fapping is just a symptom of our porn addiction. I suspect you are a porn addict. I am. A lot of us starting do not even know such a thing can happen. So, I ask, is porn part of your problem? I do see you mention dopamine, but dopamine usually does not become a problem without porn. If you have a dopamine problem I suspect you have a porn problem, and recognizing that was huge in me getting out of the PMO cycle.

There are two types of guys here, those who are here to try and keep porn in their life, but control it,not give it up, and the others, who know they cannot control porn, and so are trying to keep it out of their lives. I am in the latter group. For me to quit, I had to completely give up porn.

The answer: totally quit porn. Just that simple. Until you do that, until you make the decision to do that and actually do that, (if it is part of your problem), you will always have the problem. You need to identify your problem before you deal with it. Being horny at 19 is, in and of itself, not a problem. If you tell me that porn is not part of your problem, then I may tell you you are not in the right place to get help. Just MOing, while maybe a difficult habit to stop, is not the same as PMO, which it the problem most of us here are fighting. I would love to give you some great advice, but my problem was/is porn, not MOing in and of itself.

Good luck to you.

Good luck to you.
 
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