Hey all, i left this but i came back again

I had bad time on this site because i was writing a lot and looks like nobody saw any of my stories that made me desperate and i left it two times and now i am back and i want to meet new people and explore more about myself and about other people.

So i am 21 and i was dating with girls but i was never in relationship.

I am not like others because i cant just like that hold girls' hand or hug her or kiss her in cheek and then make relationship later because no such emotions would let me do it.
I would literaly feel nothing when i would do it with girl that i like. I have enough courage but not feeling.

This forum helped me to not watch porn and to not masturbate. I masturbate witout porn every week or two or three but i will try to stop with it.

So let me finish, like i wrote i never feel anything and thats the problem that doesnt let me to have girlfriend or to have lot of friends. I am not anxious like i was before and i dont afraid to talk with people like in elementary and in highschool,i can talk with anyone calmly and i dont see myself as shy guy but i am too cold. When i travel and see couples on seat hugging and kissing it makes me sick like I'm gonna throw.

So i would enjoy to have girl but im too cold person and i think that i cant accept that someone like me and care for me i dont need it,i dont need love from people, but in other hand i need it or i will stay solo forever.

Dont know what to do , i help people all the time when they ask me for something or when they need something from me,strangers or friends and i dont need anything back.

I like going out on drink with friends or going to parties i always accept and i talk a lot but i still stay could.

 

Whag do u mean? Reject all emotions? I should still stay cold with girls?