Hey Guys, new here! Want to confess my fetish, start over and be brutally honest with myself.

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Hiraeth, Feb 14, 2017.

  1. Hiraeth

    Hiraeth Fapstronaut

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    Hi guys, I want to share some things with you and just confess about my fetish to get the load of my shoulders. It has had me depressed for quite a while. First about me, I am 21 years old.I am male, studying for a degree at college, working a 10h/week job in local supermarket beside studying. Doing sports every other day, jogging and working out with my own bodyweight (sit-ups, push-ups etc.)
    I spend way to much time on my computer, trying to run away from nasty feelings and circumstances/problems. Does anyone have a good idea how to keep my internet consumption in check?

    To my p addiction. Wow, this is really awkward but hey, the internet is thankfully anonymous. I have never told this anyone yet, even my best friend doesn't know. Well, I am 11 days in no-PMO right now.Back then I watched your regular vanilla p, like anyone else. But the only p I watched for quite a while now is porn for women, from a female point of view. I know I know this sounds disgusting, and no I am not gay (i have nothing against gay people), meaning I never imagined crossing swords with someone, Since then I always was a girl in my sexual fantasies:confused:o_Oand have gotten off many times by the thought of having sex as a girl. Is it disgusting? for sure. does it make me feel ashamed? for sure. I don't know, maybe I tried to justify my p consumption with becoming the object/victim of it, maybe i gloryfied the female O**gasm. Who knows, what i did subconciously. Of course I never had anything physical with a guy, that would be really disgusting for me, and even if it wasn't I could never bring myself to do such a thing.

    I seriously wondered whether I was one of those transgender people. Well since I watch porn I figured it was just a bizarre fetish, right?

    Beside that, I would say I am a pretty 'normal' person and nobody would ever guess that I watch this weird stuff the problem is the longer I do not PMO the more intense these 'feelings' of wanting to be female become. But I guess it's just my brain wanting to make me give in and watch p/mas*urbate.

    Honestly I want to man up and leave all of this behind. I don't care whether I am happy or unhappy in the future. What I want is to be successful and make precious moments and memories with other people.

    I have wondered a lot about this 'transgender' stuff but in the end it strikes me as odd.

    Sure these feelings are there but I was born as guy with y chromosomes and nothing will ever change that. No way I would mutilate myself with surgeries and hormones etc..
    And as said these feelings are all most likely only fetish-fueled.

    Well, pretty weird situation.
    But since I am a dude, I could just go ahead and be the best dude I could possibly be. Fuck those feelings.

    Well, confessing this weird stuff doens't feel so bad after all.

    Does anyone have experiences with fetishes etc.. do they go away after abstinence, if yes, how long did it take for your or in your experience?
     
    Last edited: Feb 14, 2017
  2. Hiraeth

    Hiraeth Fapstronaut

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    Lmao, I bet all of you think 'wow this dude is weird as fuck'.
     
  3. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    Firstly, CONGRATULATIONS ON MAKING IT 11 DAYS!

    Thank you for sharing your story and welcome to NoFap where you are amongst friends who are here to encourage you and not judge you.

    You are far from the first man on NoFap to experience what you have due to porn consumption so we're glad you shared it.

    What are your current strategies for combating the enemy called PMO?
     
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  4. Hiraeth

    Hiraeth Fapstronaut

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    I use P-blockers on both laptop and smartphone. I do a lot of sport, try meditating regularly and spend as few as possible time on my laptop as I tend to relapse only when I am surfing the web.

    This plan was successful for 12 days now.

    I recommend Qstodio for the Smartphone
    And both K9-Webblocker and Qustodio for the Laptop/Pc.
    Also make sure to lock on Safesearch for Youtube and Searchengines!
     
  5. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

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  6. MemphisGuy

    MemphisGuy Fapstronaut

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    Well for me I have had my porn addiction for a long time I'm a 38 year old male I started off with watching regular porn! Then when I got tired & bored with that I switched to watching tryannys & im a straight man I'm not nor will I ever be gay & im not knocking anyone who is gay! And then I went from watching the tryannys to watching these fart videos I like watching women fart in guys faces that turns me on more than watching regular porn! So I have been down the same road as you we will over come this addiction I'm on day 4 & feel good already just keep the faith bro you to believe you can do it good luck!
     
    D . J . likes this.
  7. HappyDaysAreHereAgain

    HappyDaysAreHereAgain Fapstronaut

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    Actually, I think awesome. You opened yourself up and laid it all out with all your doubts. That takes courage. You're unique, you're not that weird.
    We have all watched weird, and it has affected each of us in different ways. I can't really identify with wanting to be a woman, but there are too many other combinations and permutations that I carry around in my head. Now, I wish I had never seen them, but I am thankful that they are fading back, as I am working on desiring and dreaming more of a normal conjugal sexual relationship.
    Stay strong, and enjoy your healing process.
     
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