Hi all, newbie to NoFap

[Grogsy]

Hi community I just got emailed to introduce myself so here goes nothing.
My name is Adam but I go by Grogsy lol. I am a 37 year young male who has been living with porn and masturbation addiction for 25 years now.

My initial pornography use was with pictures and magazines when I was 11-13 can’t really remember. I was under the impression for many years that boys will boys when it comes to any form of P. Also my thoughts were that every guy looks at P. Now I have grown up (it took a while lol) I see that these ideas were excuses and completely false.

I have tried quitting using other methods with other groups and had limited success but I have found myself falling forwards. My longest streak from P is around 90 days though my longest streak from MO is 15 days. I used to think I just desired to quit P but now realise that my M journey has become a whirlwind of its own. Compulsive, extreme and risky are a few terms I would use to describe my M experience.

Everything about self pleasure has changed in terms of enjoyment. I see that it is just a means to chase the dopamine rush when not viewing P. M feels like an extreme sport nowadays and not something that is devine, spiritual or sacred. This is what made me start reading threads on NoFap that and a relapse of P after a streak of around 50 days. Though I MOed to an extreme degree throughout this streak on some level knowing I desired to view P. It’s like if I won’t look at P I will MO to an insane level. I don’t mean amount of time or number of times I mean insane activity nuff said! I know a lot of this is from brain changes from viewing P as my M experiences are constantly changing to more risky behaviour. In line with my viewing habits from one genre to more escalating and degrading genres. Genres that used to leave me feeling shame, disgust and pathetic. Though I am learning not to give in to these emotions and give myself a little compassion and self love, its an addiction, its made to fuck you up and its okay to make mistakes. Failure leads to success!

So thats a little of my story sounds like a lot but I could just keep on writing. Theres many pages to this book and the story ain’t finished yet. I will add here that I already meditate twice a day with TM practice. I also complete NeuroDynamic breathwork once a week. Without these I would be a complete wreck these are my mental and emotional saviours.

Well I hope my words here are enough for my first thread lol hope to chat and hopefully help each other along our path, Peace

 

[Deleted Account]

Welcome, @Grogsy

May I ask why you are called Grogsy?

I like your thinking already, you're absolutely right with "failure leads to success". We all have to learn from our mistakes and know that choices has consequences. Hopefully we are all here because we got to tempted to resist the curiosity of the opposite sex, and has discovered what happens when our limits breaks and one thing takes over.

Porn today is everywhere, more or less. Even social media has begin to have worse and worse filtering, which makes it easier for people to upload pictures that could be considered as the beginning to pornography material, imo. That's why I had to remove it, to much triggers.

 

[Grogsy]

Hi thanks for the welcome!

Grogsy is just a nickname/gamer tagg I picked up from my Dad. Now he is no longer with us it keeps him close to my heart.

Yeah I’m trying to learn from my mistakes. I currently concentrate on self love and compassion when slipping or relapsing. I feel slight resentment towards myself until I purposely look myself in the eyes in a mirror and talk to myself. I tell myself that I forgive myself I love myself including the part of me that keeps me addicted including my compulsiveness as these are just my insecurities in life leading me to unwanted behaviours. I love you anyway!
It really helps as addiction is everywhere in society with drugs, alcohol, TV, social media, gaming, gambling, spending and porn and more. Unfortunately we have fell into the trap and have to help ourselves and others get out of it, and we’re not able to do that with negative feelings and emotions such as guilt, shame, disgust or resentment towards ourselves. Which we have done for quite some time so it takes practice to talk to yourself in a more loving way, no one else is going to do it for you. Even if they did/do it will not help you completely.

I know right doesn’t matter where you turn there are P images everywhere. I am trying my hardest to teach my 11 year old son about social media and P. I will not allow him to have social media until a much older age if at all. Luckily my son has his head screwed on unlike myself at his age. I do believe sex is everywhere as sexual energy is so strong and the only way to keep it weak is to have people constantly thinking about sex lowering their personal power. But I do notice the tables turning guys talking and openly discussing this is a massive change so it’s all a good sign and we are the ones with the responsibility to keep it going! Our thoughts and actions reflect within global consciousness so even desiring to change is a great step and a powerful one…

 

[zilean]

Welcome! May you find opportunities here to write your reflections and lessons learned so that you may grow beyond pmo

 

[Deleted Account]

Hi thanks for the welcome!

Grogsy is just a nickname/gamer tagg I picked up from my Dad. Now he is no longer with us it keeps him close to my heart.

Ahh, I see, sorry for your loss, always hard to loose someone you love and are related to.

Yeah I’m trying to learn from my mistakes. I currently concentrate on self love and compassion when slipping or relapsing. I feel slight resentment towards myself until I purposely look myself in the eyes in a mirror and talk to myself. I tell myself that I forgive myself I love myself including the part of me that keeps me addicted including my compulsiveness as these are just my insecurities in life leading me to unwanted behaviours. I love you anyway

It's good that you aren't to harsh on yourself while doing relapses or other things you isn't suppose watch/do. I don't think punishment is the way to go while trying to get rid of an addiction.

I know right doesn’t matter where you turn there are P images everywhere. I am trying my hardest to teach my 11 year old son about social media and P. I will not allow him to have social media until a much older age if at all. Luckily my son has his head screwed on unlike myself at his age.

It's very reasonable of you as a father to try to keep your 11 year old son from consuming this kinda of content. When you already suffers from addiction yourself, I suppose you will do anything in your power to not let him end up in the same situation as yourself.

Since adult content is very common nowadays, it's not a bad idea to get blocker apps or using parental control on the devices he uses, maybe you already use one of these already? It's a very tragic thing that porn and sex overall has influenced our society negative, by showing videos and pictures how intimacy shouldn't work. Sex isn't to suppose to be hard or violent. Sex is something that should be done with feelings and communications, none of the people who participates should force another to do a thing the other one/once doesn't want.

But that's more or less what porn shows us, it's about dominans and disrespect, and unfortunately some individuals takes these porn videos to seriously and don't seem to understand that porn is most of the time made for entertainment purposes and does involve a script. Porn shouldn't become the new sex education teacher, imo, but it seems it might be since the porn industry is growing and growing.