Hi, can you help me please....

Go easy there @Aware. @Rea_per is a new member and he did well. The urge was bad and his countermeasure worked. You cannot say to him, in effect, listen to me and not to any other advice you find among this community. He needs to do what we all need to do - first, inform ourselves and then decide what we will do. So it is not about listening to just one person - you, for example.

 

I imagine a cold shower to a Bajan boy must be quite refreshing! It is good for the skin and the hair, too, apparently. It is nice to see your desire to break free from this horrible addiction to porn and masturbation. You will thank yourself later.

 

good point, and I totally agree. sry Rea for being so assertive.

I am passionate about looking at this from different perspective that I dont see talked about much on this forum...

1 ) fully understand the biochemistry in your brain

2) practice how to talk to yourself, and use this internal voice to analyze the urge, break it down, understand it, get yourself to understand its not the porn you want (... the bell to pavlovs dogs) . porn is just pixels on a screen. Is it logical that you really want or need pixels on a screen?

maybe this only works for me but this is what I do when urges start.

1) take a deep (4sec) breath in. hold for 4 secs, let it out for 4 secs. repeat

2) Step outside your own body and look back at the urge as something separate from you. It is not you. Its just a little bit of "electricity" sparking around your brain, trying to fool you into thinking you want porn when in fact brain actually wants something else.

3) take a deep (4sec) breath in. hold for 4 secs, let it for 4 secs. repeat

4) Think deeply about something non sexual. For example I use something romantic with a woman (in my case my wife). NOT ANYTHING SEXUAL. just something fun I like to do with her. Something I could do for her that lets her know you love her. This can be a girlfriend or even a girl you just like. If you have hard time with this part (or really any of these steps) maybe learn about very basic meditation, and practice that daily (10 mins a day is all it takes). You can replace a what I think about with anything you want that has nothing to with sex. This step is the one I am still playing around so YMMV, but above seems to working and had the side benefit of enhancing the the relationship with wife (go figure). others steps though are rock solid and helpful as written.

5) take a deep (4sec) breath in. hold for 4 secs, let it for 4 secs. repeat

YMMV but I've found this quite effective. when I get to step 4 or 5 I realize the urge is gone and I've expended very little energy and it involved no stress or anxiety. it was actually quite calming. I PMO'd pretty much daily for 1+ years until about 6 days ago. Zero P since. tried to M once but couldnt O.... go figure At this stage I am just not thinking about porn much, But I am thinking alot more about my wife and how much I love her.

From what I understand about this, it is rewiring the neural network in my brain that falsely tells me I need pixels on a screen. Great thing about the brain. It is extremely malleable. Ironic that I am ending my addiction to porn, using the exact same bio-chemistry / science that the porn industry used to get me addicted to it.

They can go to hell.

 

No worries. We can all let our passion get the best of us - in more ways than one.

 

perfect. You are lucky that you already know breathing techniques

I just reread my steps above ( which I type pretty quickly) and forgot a very important aspect for step #4. So forget what I suggested there and instead during step #4 THINK ONLY ABOUT

How does the urge make your body feel? Does your heart rate go up? Do you feel a tension in your stomach? Observe all parts of your body that feel different with urges/cravings. Focus on what the change is and where.

Continue the breathing routine in the other steps for several minutes.

When I open my eyes, I find that the urge is gone or not very powerful.

Now that you have started to re-program the wires in your brain to stop telling you that you need porn, your brain will search for other things. At this moment after your last breathing out from the steps about is when you want to think about positive things you want to do more of in your life. For me it was all about my wife (this is why I brought that up). But it can absolutely anything you want.

please keep us posted.

p.s. I dont know how to respond to your question below about masturbation. you should maybe stop doing that while you cure your addiction to porn.

 

Lol, well in that case, that was a good sacrifice you made to get you out of a tricky situation.

I am not sure your tremor is related to masturbation because i have not hears anyone else mention it. I don't know the situation on Barbados about seeing a doctor - is it expensive? If you can, ask a doctor about it and see what he suggests.

I recommend stopping masturbation until you are fully recovered from your porn addiction. Even then, you might decide not to do it again in case it leads you back towards porn. For some, like me, the association between the two is too close.

 

That is so awesome. Congratulations on your practice. Isn't it amazing how peaceful and stress free this method is vs sitting there and struggling with it for hours. Not to mention it works.

Many days of focus and breathing ahead but you will succeed.

What are you most looking forward to once Porn is no longer part of your life.

Heres a game you can play. Try to notice the urge faster and faster. Im at the point where I catch it an about 3 seconds when it starts.

The final step (we can try in a few days) is that the end of each practice, you spend a few more minutes (keep breathing) to calmly think about positive things in your life that you are grateful for.

Breathe !

 

Google Corey Wayne and Jordan Peterson and watch thier videos!!!!

 

very nice great suggestion

Just previewed several of Corey's. I'll assume Jordan as just as good and relevant.

Once the urges can be peacefully managed in a calm way, turning ones thoughts to a better understanding of dating and romance and how woman work I believe has so many benefits not the least of which is you will be better at dating (its a skill and you can always learn more)

In addition, I believe it will help rewire some of the neural pathways in your brain, and perhaps the same ones that used to fire off and create the urge to watch porn. These things just have to be closely related in brain.

So basically rewire your brain to make it crave/urge for something very positive (loving relationship with woman) instead of craving urge for something that will ruin your life (pixels on a screen organized in a way to look like humans have sex)

Best part is you can decide which one to tell your brain to crave. Choose wisely

 

Yes sir! You’re On the money!!!

 

Exact same situation with me man, Best of luck too you. Lets do this

 

Don't worry and good luck to you!

 

My suggestion for the very very very first step (there are more but must master this first.
Next you feel the beginning of an urge/craving

Close your eyes. Take a deep 4 second breath in through your nose

Hold for 4 secs

Let out through your nose for 4 seconds

While starting the third breath, try to envision you steppping outside your body and look back down at the urge. focus on the what you feel different in your body. Heart rate increase? Tension in some part of your body? Dont try to fight these just become of aware of them and observe.

Lets call this your practice.

The urge is not you. You are not the urge. Its just a chemical storm triggering around your brain.