Hi everyone, i want to get help and help others

tawwab1

tawwab1

Fapstronaut
Hello!

I love that this is an old-school "bulletin board" style website. Haven't seen one of those in a long time. I dig it!

Where to start? I'm a 36-year-old father with a wife and 2 kids. I'm also, deeply addicted to pornography :-\ I've been that way since age 11.

I felt intense shame at first, going through deep periods of depression and self-loathing. I managed to beat the addiction briefly after going through a spiritual re-birth as a young man. And I got married to a lovely woman.

But, a few years into the marriage, the marriage went bad, which made me rediscover porn. I was feeling very frustrated and vulnerable at that time and porn offered a non-judgmental, reliable feeling of pleasure and satisfaction.

We got some therapy which helped us turn our marriage good again, and helped me beat the shame and depression, but not the addiction. It's now been about 6 years. I won't stop fighting.

I've lurked on NoFap forums but never really participated 'til now. I need help.

I had death grip from a young age, and I have been seeing PIED pop up lately. Recently my wife and I tried to have sex a couple of times and I couldn't perform at all. I was completely limp. Yeah, it gets that bad X-(

So, I am planning to do the 90-day reboot, normal mode.

One problem is that I am a very bored/boring person. I have a boring job (programming) that takes all my time up, and I like boring activities (mostly strategy games and chatting with friends). It is because I am a homebody and very into my own head. Boredom is a huge trigger.

Another problem is that I have low self-discipline. I can only have willpower and resolve when other people are watching. I need to find a way to grow my willpower when no one is around.

Thanks for reading.
Tawwab
 
tawwab85 said:
Hello!

I love that this is an old-school "bulletin board" style website. Haven't seen one of those in a long time. I dig it!

Where to start? I'm a 36-year-old father with a wife and 2 kids. I'm also, deeply addicted to pornography :-\ I've been that way since age 11.

I felt intense shame at first, going through deep periods of depression and self-loathing. I managed to beat the addiction briefly after going through a spiritual re-birth as a young man. And I got married to a lovely woman.

But, a few years into the marriage, the marriage went bad, which made me rediscover porn. I was feeling very frustrated and vulnerable at that time and porn offered a non-judgmental, reliable feeling of pleasure and satisfaction.

We got some therapy which helped us turn our marriage good again, and helped me beat the shame and depression, but not the addiction. It's now been about 6 years. I won't stop fighting.

I've lurked on NoFap forums but never really participated 'til now. I need help.

I had death grip from a young age, and I have been seeing PIED pop up lately. Recently my wife and I tried to have sex a couple of times and I couldn't perform at all. I was completely limp. Yeah, it gets that bad X-(

So, I am planning to do the 90-day reboot, normal mode.

One problem is that I am a very bored/boring person. I have a boring job (programming) that takes all my time up, and I like boring activities (mostly strategy games and chatting with friends). It is because I am a homebody and very into my own head. Boredom is a huge trigger.

Another problem is that I have low self-discipline. I can only have willpower and resolve when other people are watching. I need to find a way to grow my willpower when no one is around.

Thanks for reading.
Tawwab
Click to expand...

Hi welcome on board. I joined NoFap last Saturday and am on the 90 reboot. I am just completing day 6. I am highly addicted to live sex webcams and have been for years, I have spent all my money on them and out of sheer desperation joined NoFap. I can totally empathise with you I know how much damage misery and destruction this addiction can cause, it has almost ruined my life. However I can highly recommend this place as even after 6 days I feel so much better and much more positive. I keep reading all there is to read and have joined an accountability group as well as posting and replying to other guys posts. I think it will be easier to achieve our goals if we strive in a group rather than going solo. I too have low self discipline and have tried all kinds of ways to give up this addiction but I feel more positive about NoFap than anything else I have tried. I do think we have to be proactive though, I have wished for years that there was a magic cure but sadly there isn't and I know and accept now that I have to do the hard work. If you need any support let me know or if you just want to rant on about something I am a good listener. Good luck on your journey
 
tawwab85 said:
Thanks Bertieboy. Yes, I agree. Please feel free to share tips if you have any, I'll do the same.
Click to expand...

I think the first thing you need to do if you haven't already done it is to read the free ebook which you can download on NoFap but read it all even the bits you might find boring and read anything else you can about porn addiction and how it affects the brain by changing the patterns in the brain and how it affects the mind, then you know what you are dealing with and how powerful an addiction it is, you will learn about the huge surges of dopamine and about neuroplasticity, you might find it a bit boring but stick with it. Think carefully about why you want to give up porn and write down the reasons of start a log or a thread here and share them, think about goals and what you will put in place of porn write them down, think about what the benefits are of watching porn and the benefits of abstaining and what the downside of watching porn are and the downsides of abstaining. Visit NoFap often and join in by posting and replying to other guys posts. Encourage other guys and be encouraged. Accept that it is a hard road to recovery, and prepare yourself by putting things in place for when the going gets tough. I have tried so many times to quit and always failed because I tried to do it alone with no support and no accountability. That is another important thing, accountability all the books and porn addiction websites and psycologists say it is almost impossible to give up porn without accountability and I have found this to be true. This is why it is important to keep posting here and replying to posts and if you can find an accountability partner who you are in contact with that will be really good. I'm always open to advice so if you know anything that I don't please please share, I need all the help I can get to kill this addiction as it is destroying my life
 
Welcome! Congrats for taking this step! Interesting to know that after you successfully quitted pmo, you once again got addicted (no judging there of course)

I have a few questions regarding boredom
First of all, as a programmer myself I'm interested to know, do you find it boring specifically to your work or in general? Also if it is the latter, did you enjoyed it when you were younger or did you chose it as a future career because you were that 'computer' type of guy?

Then, regarding to what you said about your hobbies, do you find them boring all the time or just some times? Do you think that you don't enjoy them because of pmo or in general and once again if it is the latter, why don't you consider changing them with something more fun and enjoyable, since I believe hobbies should be fun to take away the boring mood from everyday life.
Sorry for the too many questions, but I think they will also help yourself questioning some things you may haven't

I can also give you a few tips that work for me.
I also recommend starting a journal (to do that from forums, find reboot logs, go to ages 30-39 and create a new thread there) because it will make you feel you are not alone in this journey, making you more accountable of your decisions and you can help/inspire other nofap members too!

Another thing that helped me a lot is similarly to what @bertieboy said, which is finding out the benefits of a pm (since you have a wife) free life, learn those truths and remember them when you have an urge, also they will help you to quit mentally and I believe this is the most important and difficult step!

Find your triggers (if there is anything else besides boredom) and try to recall why you started pmo in the first place both times, so you can stop repeating past mistakes.

Use that opportunity to not only quit pmo, but become a BETTER person overall. Stay busy doing your everyday tasks, spend more time with your wife and do things you enjoy both mentally and physically, such as your hobbies (if you don't have any, find one that you can stick with), exercise etc.

Remember that you will ALWAYS regret it after, no matter how hard your brain tries to convince you of the opposite!

Give time to what's really going to be WORTH in the LONG RUN! Stay strong and determined!
 
First of all, as a programmer myself I'm interested to know, do you find it boring specifically to your work or in general? Also if it is the latter, did you enjoyed it when you were younger or did you chose it as a future career because you were that 'computer' type of guy?
​
I chose programming 14 years ago because I was already that "computer" type of guy, and it was a skill that was available to me to learn. 14 years is a long time to be doing one thing, no matter what it is. Even if you think programming is the most exciting thing ever, for me it's really just time to switch. I just don't know what. Maybe after I get out of my addiction I'll have more courage and imagination to try new careers.

Then, regarding to what you said about your hobbies, do you find them boring all the time or just some times?
​
By boring hobbies I mean hobbies that aren't thrilling or interesting experiences, or don't result in anything beautiful or useful being created. They just involve me sitting down with a computer or a friend for a few hours and killing time. And those activities are important to me, but let's face it, they're boring. And I haven't found the motivation or time to try any new ones. My wife and kids kind of dominate my time.

Find your triggers (if there is anything else besides boredom) and try to recall why you started pmo in the first place both times, so you can stop repeating past mistakes.
​
The thing that made me fall back into it was not so much boredom but a combo of sexual unsatisfication and emotional distress. So on the one hand I wasn't getting satisfied in my relationship, so that was a slow pressure on me to seek out other avenues. On the other hand, I would have crisis moments where I really felt like I was emotionally drowning and ready to look for relief in any place I could.

I think those issues are mostly done with now, but I still have the addiction left over, mostly when bored.

BTW, is there an app for this community? Or a chat room or something? I keep seeing posts refer to an app but I haven't been able to find it on the App Store.
 
Last edited:
Thanks for answering!
Yeah as I virtuoso personality, I can definitely see for myself that doing one thing for a while, gets boring and I need a change. Cannot even imagine myself doing one thing for 14 years, plus I never had to take coding as serious as a job, because I was only doing it as a hobby for practicing, automating stuff and coding for myself. Also, wasn't sure if you meant programmer as a work title or as a general word, because I haven't looked that much look in work titles, as I'm still trying to find out what I like best.

I haven't read anything about any specific app in the posts I read, so I cannot help you with that. What's the name of it?
 
> I haven't read anything about any specific app in the posts I read, so I cannot help you with that. What's the name of it?

I don't know, it just seems like there would be a more direct/instant way of communicating with people.

Maybe along the way I'll meet people who I feel safe enough to share updates in real time and support them by hearing them out as well.

All I know is that this forum is already 10 times more healthy than whatever other social media I was doing before this, so you guys are going to see me a lot more in the future.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top