Hi everyone :)

Hello, Greetings. I'm a 23 year old male, looking to rid myself of my masturbation addiction. My reasons are mainly spiritual, I am Muslim by faith, and by choice. And I did go without masturbation/porn etc. For over two months last year. It allowed me to focus my energies and consciousness towards God.
At first I tried to just quit porn and masturbation, I tried the self-hypnosis orgasm audios off youtube for release, because technically they weren't "porn", but I soon realised that, at least for me. It's that numbing high that accompanies orgasm that makes me feel less connected with the world and with God. I personally think that it's because any kind of such "release" is selfish by nature, we are giving into basic instincts to satiate our own needs. Nothing inherently wrong with that, but personally I find the whole experience hollowing.
This is partly because over the years I began to realise that I was properly addicted to masturbation, whenever I'd be angry, or really sad, or lonely or anything. I'd use porn and masturbation to just lull my senses. I wasn't in it for the pleasure even, I just wanted the numbness. And for so many years I became so numb and fell into so many dirty little things that I never consciously would even consider doing.
In short, I became a complete hypocrite in my own eyes.
I had found a really good friend last year over the internet, she and I grew really close to the point that we honestly loved each other, fraternally. She helped me a lot, but she and I are no longer in communication for reasons I won't delve into here. After her, I found myself relapsing much more often than before. She was a reason for me to improve myself, so I could be of more help to her. Now I realise that that was a flawed mindset to begin with.
I am now here, not for her, or for anyone else, heck I'm not even here for God per se. I am here, to improve myself, for the betterment of myself, so that I could give more purpose and meaning to a life that I am slowly feeling is again spiraling into a depressing loneliness, with only my own hands and lack of self-control to blame.
I relapsed today, and this feels like the billionth time that I am getting back up to dust myself down. But I am convinced that without getting rid of this addiction, and commiting myself to abstinence till marriage, I'll always just feel as lost as I have felt for so very, very long.
I don't know if NoFap would be helpful to me, but I feel that my primary cause for relapse now is because I have no one to talk to, no one to encourage me, and no one whom I could encourage, and in the process remind myself of what really matters.
I hope that I can achieve my own goal, and also maybe help others like me in the process, though the former does take precedence over the latter for now.
As for hobbies, I like heavy music, anime, videogames, kpop (although I try to steer clear of the "sexy" concepts for obvious reasons).
Well, this is my personal little story. And my way of introducing myself. Thank you for reading.

 

Welcome in the community. I am sure it will help you to be here and make your NO PMO journey.

To me it doesn't matter if somebody has a religion, what religion a person might have or if somebody isn't religious at all. I like the words of the Dalai Lama: "My religion is very simple, my religion is kindness." We'll are human beings, there is a mind and a heart inside of us and there might be a thirst for true love and true happiness. Following your heart is not easy but it is worth the effort.

 

Thank you, I just mentioned my religion because it is my identity, as I choose this path for my own betterment, and it has taken a hell of a lot of soul searching for me to get to this point. I am here precisely because this is a diverse and supportive group. It doesn't matter where we come from or who we are, all that matters is that we have a common enemy. At least, that's why I feel like I'm here, because I feel that fighting alone, is simply just not the best option when we all can fight together.
Here's to following the truth of our hearts then. ^_^