Hi Guys

Hi everyone! I am a 34 yo French guy - I really hope my English isn’t too rusty

The thought of quitting porn and masturbation crossed my mind when I realized I was addicted to it, especially gay porn (I identify myself as gay, no problem with that, except I began to suffer from my compulsive behaviour). I discovered the nofap subreddit after taking the commitment to change that aspect of my life and was happily surprised by the existence of that great community. I've tried “rebooting” in normal mode (without fixing a precise number of days) twice in two months. It wasn’t easy, but it was truly worth it. I started meditating, worked out frequently, got more confident. People found me more attractive and I had casual sex a few times. However, I relapsed and returned to my bad habits in December, and realized it was time to get serious.

Here are some details :

I began to watch porn when I was 7 years old, a week after I started to masturbate. I watched porn only a few times during my teenage years (magazines, movies). As far back as I can remember, I also had a bad masturbation habit (only in a face down/prone position) that I finally completely overcame 5 years ago. For a long time, I have considered sex (and even simple, real, physical contacts) as shameful or painful, so I stayed away from sex until my late 20s... Of course, the access to porn on the Internet didnt help.

I decided to quit porn after this summer when the videos I was watching became more and more hardcore ( rape scenes, abusive behaviour, etc.). I was also masturbating more and more frequently (sometimes more than 10 times a day). I literally spent the last holidays doing this and feared to waste my life at some point. I may also have moderate ED but I’m not really sure whether it's porn-induced or not.

I got depressed during that period, decided it was time to change my life seriously, and made a few attempts at rebooting, as described above; even if I relapsed twice, I feel I have grown as an individual during this 2 months (meditation and participation in sports improved my health). I had more time for myself, got confident, became more physically active and socially engaged. It was fuc***g awesome (if I may say so ). Unfortunately, I broke my routine in December and I find myself just back where I started.

I finally realised I needed a support network and registered in this forum yesterday. My goal (for now) is to achieve a 90 days challenge in normal mode. I don't think masturbation or porn is necessarily bad for everyone but my consumption of porn is just too high and addictive right now. Besides, these fantasies are really weird.

I am currently single, have just quit my job and have plenty of time, there is a risk that I will fall off the wagon but I am highly motivated. I’m changing a lot of things in my life right now (new job, new hobbies, more time with family and friends, 1-month trip in January ) , so I hope this would go for the better.

 

Thank you for your support ! About that "wagon" mistake, I should have used another metaphor like "keep on track" or "stay in that boat and hold on"